Sunday, November 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 656 That's Me! by Janet S. Tiger Nov. 29, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day  # 656  That's Me! by Janet S. Tiger Nov. 29, 2015

                                              That's Me!
                                        Janet S. Tiger    
                                © 2015  all rights reserved 

         (The woman enters with a basket of groceries, she is in a hurry, looking at watch, talking on her headset.)

Oh, my God!  I can't believe this!  I thought I only had two people in front of me, but nooooo, there's more!  And this place is jammed!  And the woman right in front of me is.....old!  Oh, this is horrible!  At least the others are going through, but this lady, I just know it's gonna take her FOREVER!  Yes, I know that I'm not politically correct!  I don't care!  She's probably deaf and can't hear me anyhow...

Oh, Jeez!  I knew it....she's taking out coupons!  It looks like more than three.....don't laugh so hard in my ear, these old people in lines are impossible!  And then they complain about EVERYTHING, like the music, because it isn't from a hundred years ago.....and then they take forever........amazing.....she's finished with the coupons.....but does she have a credit card?  You know the answer!  NOOOOOOOO!

Or a debit card?  Let's hear it...NOOOOOOO!

She is taking out......believe it or not......CASH!  You heard me!  Who on God's good earth uses cash anymore......and get this!  She's trying to find.....(sputtering).....the EXACT CHANGE!

Who told these old people they could still come out in public?

I mean, who do they think they are?  They should have special places for them, where it's safe, and they get fed and looked after and they never have to use cash again!  Oh, wait, they have places like that - OLD AGE HOMES!


And get a load of this, my friend, you gotta hear this!  She just said her name, and you'll never guess what her name is!  Go ahead.....just try......okay!  I'll tell you....her name is.....

        (She stops, frozen)

That's my name.......wait a minute......she's got the same name....and, oh, no......she's turning this way, it looks like.....could it be?  It's me.....the lady've become......the lady who searches for the three make it eighteen cents....exactly.......

        (Touches ear, then searches in purse.)

What was that young man?  Sometimes the batteries in this hearing aid don't work as well as they did when I put them in......but you're young, you'll understand one day.......I found's the last penny.....

        (She holds up a penny, smiling, turns to leave, stops, looks back at the line)

I'm sorry it takes me so long.......It's funny, I used to be the young person complaining about the old lady taking all the am that lady.......and one will be, too.....

         (She the next line)
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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8