Monday, August 31, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #565 End of Summer Blues by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 31, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 565!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #565 End of Summer Blues by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 31, 2015

                                          End Of Summer Blues
                              A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved
                                                    tigerteam1@gmail.com

        (Younger girl comes on, wearing shorts, a summery top.   She is very down, slouching)
 
I knew it.  Always the problem with the summer.  A problem that can never be solved.  Not like the problem about what music to listen to.....and definitely not like the problem where you can't figure out what to wear to the beach. 
 
And not the problem of which guy you met at the beach you should go out with......or what to tell your parents when you get home real late.....because your parents never understand anything anyhow!
 
         (She sits down and grabs her knees)
 
No, this is a much bigger problem......a problem that happens EVERY summer......
 
         (She rolls around and lies flat)
 
A serious conundrum....ooh, I still like that word....ever since I learned it from Mrs. Rodriguez in the fourth grade I have loved that word!.......a distressing and horrifying unsolvable problem....worse than anything in math!
 
         (She jumps up and whirls around)
 
You mean you don't realize?  Of course you don't...you're getting old like all the others!  The problem with summer......is that it......it......
 
        (She jumps and shakes her whole body)
 
It has to end!!!!!!
 
         (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)
 
And then there's school......Now what should I wear to school on the first day?  Now THAT'S a conundrum!
 
         (She exits to another loooooong year in class.  Have fun students!)
 
 
 
--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Sunday, August 30, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #564 Cat Days of Summer (revised) by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 30, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 565!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #564 Cat Days of Summer (revised) by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 30, 2015

           The original was # 189 by Janet S. Tiger  Cat Days of Summer   Aug.20, 2014For other monologues from BEN, please see Days# 7, 143, 152

                                         Cat Days of Summer
                                                    (for the play BEN)
                              A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved
                                                    tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (Benjamin Franklin enters, rolling a car with test tubes filled with liquids, a bellows and some thermometers.  He stops  and wipes his forehead with a handkerchief.)

 Is it warm enough for you?  I hope so!  Because this little experiment is something I've been working on with my dear friend, John, a professor at Cambridge.

Do you see this?

            (He holds up a test tube)

This is alcohol.  Not the kind to drink, but the kind which evaporates rapidly.

Our belief is that this can be used to lower temperatures rapidly......and that is what we will be testing today.....

           (He now holds up a thermometer.)

Heat.  Cold.  We so desperately want to be in control of the elements.

          (He starts to set up the bellows)

My lightning rods have saved many homes from burning and many people from death.....but as I age, some of my goals become more....personal.  I like to be warm, hence I invented a stove.  But I also like to be cool, hence I love London.  

But how to create a way to be cool when it is hot?

        (He sets the thermometer near the bellows and starts to put the alcohol onto the thermometer.)

When alcohol evaporates, it removes heat from the object it is on.......

         (He now uses the bellows on the thermometer.)

This room we are in is 64 degrees.....but with the alcohol on the thermometer, the temperature on the thermometer's bulb is dropping.....

        (He looks closely, smiles)

50 degrees!

       (He continues to use the bellows, looks again)

25 degrees!

       (He holds up the thermometer)

And if you can see it, there is now a small coating of ice on the bulb!

This is something that is important to understand - when working with certain substances - and people, too - it is better to rapidly cool them off, rather than wait for them to calm themselves.

        (He looks at the thermometer)

Sometimes, the cooling process works too well - the temperature is now down to 14 dwegrees Centigrade, and hence, I will stop this experiment because the thermometer may crack.  But it is very interesting to note, that from this experiment one may see the possibility of.... freezing a man to death on a warm summer's day.

One day soon...I think it is in about twenty years, we will have very cold days.....hard days in our history.  Valley Forge....funny name for a cold place isn't it?  But that winter of cold will forge our nation.

Dog Days of Summer - that is a funny idea as well.  Whatever does it mean?  The hot weather corresponds to the star Sirius in the night sky.  The Romans had strange ways of looking at things, didn't they.  I think that the days in Valley Forge, where the men died like dogs in the freezing cold, that....that was more accurate.

But the summer- that is a time for cats!  Cats have a nature that is naturally quite lazy, so when you combine the heat of summer with the reality that they mostly lie about anywhere they can...it is easy to conclude that the summer is truly their time -so it is my belief that the expression should rightfully be -  Cat Days of Summer........

I have other important questions that I am working on.  How can you make sense where there is nonsense?  How can you pass gas that smells good?   .....And there's one I fear will always allude me - How to make men of politics tell the truth!

        (He laughs as he collects the items from the experiment and starts to take them offstage.  He turns and looks back)

I think it's possible....but it just may be....a cold day in hell!

       (Lights dim as he exits laughing.  End of scene)

 --------------------------------------------------

Note -   This is based on one of Franklin's experiments http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_conditioning  
--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Saturday, August 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #563 Mining Operation by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 29, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 565!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #563 Mining Operation by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 29, 2015

           From a true story!

                            Mining Operation
                                       A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                             © 2015 all rights reserved
                                                tigerteam1@gmail.com
 
          (The man is nicely dressed, walks over to a table which has a phone.  He attaches a headpiece and opens a book with many looseleaf pages.  He starts to dial - his accent is very Indian, because he is Indian.)
 
Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house.....
 
          (He jumps back, then looks at a page and dials)
 
Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house.....
 
          (He nods, looks at the page and dials)
 
Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house.....(happy)  Hello!  My name is Tommy, and I am calling from the United Health Legal Service, and we are trying to find the ladies who have had operations which involved the vaginal mesh or vaginal sling......
 
         (He jumps back, this hang-up was loud, and looks at a number, brightens, dials again)
 
(Faster)  Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house about a very serious medical problem! My name is Tommy....(Quickly) Please do not hang up! .....I am calling from the United Health Legal Service We want to help you!  We do not want to sell anything to you!  PLEASE DO NOT HANG UP!  (Deep breath)  Thank you very much.  I just want to you know that our company is looking to help all ladies who have had trouble with their surgeries.....have you ever had an operation which involved......what?  No, I am not selling anything to you, we want to give you money......no, I cannot send you money on the phone, I need to find ladies who had a surgery........no, I do not get money from a lawsuit, I just get money to make these phone calls, so I can save up to come to your country......no, I am not married.....I am looking to find a nice lady to marry one day, but please, I need to ask you the questions.......thank you, I think I am nice....you sound like a nice lady.....have you ever had an operation....are you sure? perhaps you have forgotten....please think!  ......no, I have not had any operations.....have you ever......well, yes, your name is on our list and I may have called before......I have to keep calling.....
 
          (He looks around)
 
.......they will kill me if I do not call enough names every day!  So I know you told me not to call you again, but if I do not make enough calls, it is very bad......ok, no they will not kill me, but even worse, I would have to work for the department that answers calls for the medical insurance!  That is like a living hell!  Even worse than this!  In the insurance, all you get to say is 'thank you for calling, I will be happy to help you' then you listen and you say, 'I will get back to you in just a moment, please hold' and then you hang up....it is very mean......I do not want to go back to that department!  Please help me!  Have you ever had any operations?  Maybe I could help you remember?  They can make good money for you, and I get to keep working here! 
 
          (Listens)
 
Please do not hang up!  I like talking to you!  You sound nice!  Are you married? 
 
         (Listens, holds earpiece away from ear, rubs his ear, puts earpiece back gingerly, takes it away, finally he hears it is quieter)
 
Thank you for sharing.  I understand you are upset and you want never to be called.  I will definitely remove you from my list.  It makes me very sad, I have enjoyed calling you these last few weeks, yes it was always me.....no, I promise never to call again........before you hang up......do you have any friends who might have had any operations?
 
         (He pulls earpiece away, nods his head sadly)
 
Oh well, that's the way it goes.
 
        (He takes out a pen and goes to the sheet of paper.)
 
Do not call.....for at least three weeks.....
 
         (As lights fade, we hear)
 
Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house?
 
        (Blackout.  Unfortunately, never the end of these calls!)
 
 
 
 
--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Friday, August 28, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #562 Swirly by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 28, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 500!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #562 by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 28, 2015

                                    Swirly
                                       A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                             © 2015 all rights reserved
                                                tigerteam1@gmail.com
        
          (She comes onstage hesitantly, cleaned up, but not used to being where she is, or dressed in such clothing, all of which is newer, but not really stylish, just clean and simple.  She has one featured item that stands out - a very large purse that looks as if too many items are crammed into its enormous sections)

Thank you, your Honor, I'm fine now, I'm sorry I got sick like that and everyone had to take a break, just because a me......I guess, I'm just not used to courts like this one......

         (Listens)

Yes, I understand, your Honor, I'm still under oath.  I don't lie! 

         (Listens)

I understand.....I won't yell or nothin'.....yes I remember what I was talkin' about......how I take care of my boy.....he's a good boy......here's some things I got for him!

       (She pulls out some toys, kids stuff from her purse)

......and I been workin' hard to stay clean, I have!  It's not easy, but that program you sent me to....I mean they're real strict, but I been followin' the rules......no goin' out....no old friends......they can tell ya, I been good.....and I want my baby back.....Jody's a good kid, it's not his fault what I did, and ...I mean.....why make him pay for my mistakes?  I know he deserves a better mother, but maybe ....I dunno....he needs his mother.  Don't kids do better with their mothers?  I mean....I couldn't help how he started out.....but I'm tryin' now!  I'm his mother!  No one else can take my place!

      (Listens)

Oh, that.  That's a bad nickname, I wish my tongue had been cut out instead of givin' him that nickname......and I swear I'll never call him that again......I didn't mean it to be nasty, you know, it's just, I didn't know I was pregnant, and then, when he was born....in the bathroom, and I looked....and there he was.....I was so high, and my boyfriend said what're you gonna call it - Swirly?  I laughed.

      (She is very affected by this)

God forgive me please!  But I laughed....and that's what I called him, and you know from the records you have there, I got him to the hospital, and he was ok......but they never let me hold him after that....they just sent me off for all those months.....and when I got back, they told me he was gonna be adopted by his foster parents, and I asked to go get help and I got help!  And now that I'm back...you gotta give me a chance......well, maybe you don't gotta, but, I'm prayin' you will.....because I love him, he's my son......

       (She hears something, gets very angry)

I heard that!  Maybe I called him wrong, but I was high.....and you're not!  So shut up - and don't never call him that again!   

       (She turns to leave, stops looks back)

Thank you. 

       (She exits.  Blackout)

--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Thursday, August 27, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #561 Firestarter by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 27, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 500!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #561 Firestarter by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 27, 2015

                                 Firestarter
                                       A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                             © 2015 all rights reserved
                                                tigerteam1@gmail.com

           (The woman is in her thirties, maybe early forties, she is holding a matchbook, and she keeps taking one match at a time and dropping it on the ground.)

Amazing.

          (She drops another match, stares at it)

No fire.   Yet if I......

           (She takes another match and strikes it, it lights)

Use just a little bit of energy....not even enough to whistle.....

         (She blows it out, very softly)

I can burn down Rome.......or a whole forest, maybe even a continent of forests.......I have the power of a thousand atomic weapons in such a tiny bit of space......so funny how nuclear weapons are so feared, yet in our kitchen drawers, in our pockets....in our hands.....are weapons of mass destruction that we can all use......

        (She drops the other matches on the floor)

Yet women are rarely arsonists.  We cannot handle watching our homes burn......so we will not do unto others.....the few women who are firestarters are usually suicidal, so they only burn once.....

But the rest of us.....we can start a fire with only our words......we can take one tiny idea, and spread it to another, and suddenly the forest is burning.....the rumor .....just like a forest fire ....has a life of its own.  And it jumps over trees, and freeways, and friendships.....and marriages.....until the destruction is complete, and there are no survivors.....at least no survivors who still have their eyebrows......because all caught in the rumor's blaze are burned......and though the forest may be rebuilt, it is never the same.

The blackened edges of the brush show for years, and the sides of the surviving trees have the carbon layer imprinted for the rest of their lives.

All the human animals run before the blown embers, but they cannot outrun .....the pain that is etched on every heart.

       (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Thank you, my dear friend, for striking the match.....

       (She exits.  Bright spot, then blackout)

--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #560 What's Her Name and the Other Guy by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 26, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 500!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #560 What's Her Name and the Other Guy by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 26, 2015

               What's Her Name and the Other Guy
                                       A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                             © 2015 all rights reserved
                                                tigerteam1@gmail.com
 
        (The actor enters shaking head, very confused)
 
(As fast as the actor can handle - or faster)  I'm so glad you're the one with the good memory, I just can't remember what's her name...you know who I mean....she's always with the other guy!  And they are so annoying because I can never remember their names!  She is ALWAYS complaining that no one remembers her name, but that is because everyone is trying to get away from her and that other guy, whose name I also can't remember!  And then they have that crazy dog......now the dog's name I remember.....usually....but not today!  I can't remember anything about them or their stupid yapping dog!  Maybe the dog's name is Yappy!  But what are their names! 
 
You know who I mean, right?  You always seem to be with them, so you must know their names!  So tell me.....what's her name! 
 
         (Listens)
 
Your aunt?  That's your aunt?  Oh, my God, am I sorry!  No, not that I forget their names, I'm sorry she's your aunt!
 
        (Runs toward the stage edge)
 
(Yelling)  Wait!  You haven't told me her name!  And the other guy!
 
Wait a minute!  I remember!  I remember!  I'm not losing my mind.....completely.....
 
        (Turns to leave, stops, looks back, triumphant)
 
Sparky!  The dog's name is...SPARKY!
 
      (Exits.  Happy to remember anything....)
--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #559 Rich by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 25, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 500!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #559 Rich by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 25, 2015

                                     Rich
                                       A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                             © 2015 all rights reserved
                                                tigerteam1@gmail.com
           (Young man comes out, bouncing onto the stage.  He is excited, happy, very stoked)

Hey, man, haven't seen you around here in, like, a long time!  Yeah, I'm fine, very fine, so fine and in a very short time, so very rich!  You heard me, man, I'm gonna be rich!  Like, enough money to get me a car!  A good set of wheels, man, and one for my mother, and like a house for her, and new clothes!  Rich!  Really rich!  And it's so easy, man!  I wish I'd known about this sooner.....This is way better than when we was in high school, stealin' beer from old man Wong and his family in that grocery, right man?

        (He pulls something out of his pocket and shows it)

See this?  I got this for only $20.....all I gotta do is cut it right, and I can sell 10 bags for $30 each.....that's like $300!  And it is so easy to sell, man.  I mean, I thought dope was easy, but this, once they get a taste, people just gotta have it!  I seen guys tweakin' for days!  They'll sell their damn babies to get more!  Amazing!

(Thinking, getting even more excited)  I figure, all I need is a few bucks to get started, and then I am gonna be ...rich!  I know this school, where all the kids just wanna buy, they just love to get high....hey, that could be like my advertising!  If you wanna get high, come to me to buy......maybe I'll get cards printed, who knows?    I'm gonna be RICH!

I'm gonna have so much money, all the chicks'll be coming around to me, and I'll have a different one every night!  I've been waiting for this my whole life!  Rich!

       (He dances around, puts the bag away)

So, man, didja move outta here?    Haven't seen you in a long time......how's your old lady?  Whatcha been doin'?

       (Listens)

(Horrified)  You're a WHAT?  A.....cop? 

       (Starts backing up, turns to leave, looks back)

And I'm really gonna be an actor!  This was my audition piece I'm working on.....and it ends like this!

      (Starts running fast.....exits.  Blackout.  The end of another dream)
--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Monday, August 24, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #558 Bird Tea (for Book of Teas) by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 24, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 500!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #558 by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 24, 2015

    This is the same character from Days # 15, 41-53, 69, 84, 96, 105, 118, 156, 173, 175-8, 181-5, 269, 331, 361, 452, 506,542, 554, 555.  Southern accent.

                                    Bird Tea
                                                  (for Book of Teas) 
                                       A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                             © 2015 all rights reserved
                                                tigerteam1@gmail.com


       (Lights up on T, carrying in some items to put onto a bed.  She still has that Southern accent)

Superstition is funny - especially other people's superstitions
When my cousins moved into their new house, my mama brought us over to wish them well.
It was a big house, and the doors and windows were all open wide so that the new paint smell would be dissipated - yes I think that has two 's's, but does it matter Ella?  Just listen!
Anyhow, we were in the livin room, and we were marveling at how big everything was, and how new, when a bird flew in.

We children commenced to chasing that bird, and we laughed, but I noticed my mother became very quiet.
My aunt - that was Thelma, on my father's side - Thelma was also quiet, and it was a little strange.

Then my mama said to Thelma, don't worry, honey, it's just an old wives tale.

And Thelma laughed what I would come to know as .....a hollow laugh.


What's wrong Momma?
Nothin, T, just go and play outside.

But....

I'll tell you later, dear, she whispered to me, and as we left, mama took me aside and told me that it was bad luck when a bird flew into a house you were just moving into.

Why?  I asked, Her response, clever as all adults are, was simple - 'Because it just is, you'll see.
Well,just like I watched for a tree to grow out of my ears when I swallowed a pit, I watched to see if my cousins luck had completely disappeared.
Whenever something bad happened- like when cousin Travis caught the whooping cough and almost died, my mama would shake her head and I could hear her mutter under her breath, 'damn bird'
But I thought about it and asked her, what  if he had died, wouldn't that have been the bad luck?  Since he lived, maybe the bird brought good luck.

She would just sigh and shake her head in that incredibly annoying way parents do when children can never understand.

But as I got older, I thought about that bird.  Of course it was bad luck -for the bird.  Because cousin Travis took out a slingshot and hit the poor thing with a stone, which killed it instantly, falling to the newly washed floor with a thud I never have forgotten.

From that point on I figured that superstitions are just that - super.  Like superman, and superboy........inventions of people with nothing better to do.


    (She turns to leave, stops looks back)
So, my dear grandchild, if you want to live your life in the world of superstition.....maybe you better jump into one of those comic books you read when you were a little kid.  The ones you saved under your bed so you wouldn't have to be afraid.......the ones that are still there.....old and smelly, and chewed up by the silverfish.....

      (Blackout.  End of scene)
--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Sunday, August 23, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #557 President Bird by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 23, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 500!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #557 President Bird by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 23, 2015

An audio player is supposed to be visible here - and you can click on it.  But I am not sure I can get it to work  - but will keep trying.  Thank you for your patience!


 
-------------------------------

Apr. 29, 2014 Day #76 Monologue Mania   (Note- This one is originally from © March 8, 2013  all rights reserved but I did some revisions, so am counting it as half- new.  The main thing that has never been seen is that I have tried to add an audio of this piece - with the late Jonathan Dunn-Rankin as the reader.  Thank you, Jonathan!)
                            
                                              President Bird
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                         © 2014 all rights reserved
                                                tigerteam1@gmail.com


            (The stage is open, and to the sounds of 'Hail to the Chief' struts out what we will see is a           very, very large bird.  For the purposes of ease of production, this bird may have the anthropomorphic  elements of a human.  But whatever is done, it is very important to understand that we are now meeting....President Bird, who is, as we can see, a truly angry bird.)

BIRD-  (Angry,very angry)

There you are.  This address will be short.  You humans need to understand that what we have here is a failure to communicate - so I will make this very clear.  (Slowly, very loud)  WE ARE AT WAR!

There. it's official.  You may have suspected that the Royal Order of Birds has been at odds with humans for many years now.

We have shown our contempt for your society with our concerted aerial attacks on your weapons of mass destruction- in other words - your suspicions have now been affirmed - we deliberately target your odoriferous transportation vehicles!  (Calmer)  We crap on your cars.

But our defense of nature has gone on relatively  unnoticed by you humans, you shake your puny appendages at us as we fly away, laughing -  you may call it cackling, but we both know the truth.

Our efforts have been mostly in vain - your vehicles proliferate with amazing rapidity.  Rabbits and rats have nothing on your cars – the reproductive power of the automobile is astonishing!  There are rumors from birds in some of our regions - what you call the Midwest, parts of China.....that these monstrosities that move and belch horrid smells are actually not living things, although they appear to breath.   That they are formed in extremely large structures created by you humans.....structures that somehow replicate these almost indestructible, inedible creatures to a stunning quantity.  These are only rumors of course because others of our culture have sworn under oath that they have seen your very large box-like devices actually give birth to the vehicles we see and smell every day.

And they are....everywhere!

Our penguin battalions have reported versions at all ends of these great planet we all live on - our aerial crews have given reliable testimony that these ....these living dead now have spread - using your floating monstrosities -to every location possible- to the mountains and the valleys via the oceans white with foam.....but I digress.

For this declaration of war to be fair, we will now tell you why we are at war.

You may have guessed that your continued, incessant disrespect has exacerbated this problem.  Did you think we couldn't hear what you call all of our brothers in wings?  (With contempt)  Bird-brain!  For your edification, our brains fit perfectly in our bodies - we are not the ones smashing these WMDs into each other - which results in your brains- and other body parts- being splattered all over the ground!

And what about the silliness of…(says with contempt)   'One swallow does not make a spring?”  You should know by now that a bird in the hand is worth two of your Presidents Bush!
And what about these specist sayings that even your young repeat with impunity, not knowing the pain they inflict on our tiny little but very powerful ears!
Birds and the bees – are we only good enough for one letter out of your alphabet?
‘Feed the Birds’   (thoughtful)  I did like that song.  (Back to himself)  Yes, you throw us scraps - bird food.  A musical named after us. A prophetic movie named after us – Alfred knew because he was, as you put it, a strange bird.

But the verbal attacks continue -
Fowl weather!  As if we are to blame for global warming!
Bird of ill omen, birds of a feather, never a kind word about the bird have I heard…..
And the saddest one – killing two birds with one song – softly

 But the continuous, expanding and inexcusable murder of our brethren to feed your need to eat flesh - the collection and breeding of our poorly engineered chickens - who, unable to fly and escape are herded into tiny rooms, forced to give  our youth, our eggs to feed you humans, and, then, because you…humans are never satisfied…they have to give the ultimate sacrifice -their entire bodies!  Not enough that we can provide eggs – oh, no, we have to be murdered, then breaded and fried and served up to your masses while watching ridiculous games like…..(spits it out)…..foosball!  (Takes deep breath, wipes an eye.)

It’s simply put - Murder Most Fowl – said by that favorite character of mine - Omelet
I could continue - but the horror makes me stop.  Now we will force you to stop!  

I may not be gaunt, but I am throwing down the gauntlet.

(Angry, building)   And when I say I, I mean WE!  There aren’t a few of us – there are billions – and if you think you know what angry is from those stupid games in your hands, let me tell you, you don’t know what angry is!   

We are aiming for you!  For YOUR car!  Better make sure there are extra  clothes in your trunk because when our squadrons attack, there is no washer fluid able to keep your windows clean!  We will attack you as you leave your garages, we will attack as you park your cars, we will attack as you bring home your buckets of our Kentucky Fried Friends!  We will never give up, we will never surrender!  (A crescendo of fury)

There, you have our treatise – now, every time you see a spot on your windshield, your bumper, (ominous) ….you head, you will think twice …..about befouling  our air, that we share with you….you will think twice about…..about eating us.  (Deep breath)  Why do I think I have the right to chirp to you this way?  (Smiles)  Because we were here first!

            (Stands up straight and tall)


There, I feel all...fluttery now!

I think I need to go...take a bath....

             (As he leaves, he turns back smiling)

I forgot my favorite  expression, so here it is……  Nevermore!

            (He flips the audience the bird, and swoops off the stage, humming as he goes, the national         anthem for birds -  ‘Be kind to your fine-feathered friends, For a duck may be somebody’s            mother…’)

The end

 

 
--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8



Saturday, August 22, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #556 Opening Scene from Trich or Treat by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 22, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 500!
 
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #556 Opening Scene from Trich or Treat  by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 22, 2015

           I believe this could be one - or possibly two - monologues, am working on figuring out how to do this.  Any suggestions?


                             Opening Scene from   Trich or Treat
                        (Not)        A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                    tigerteam1@gmail.com 

                    TRICH OR TREAT  (no, that’s spelled right – it’s short for tricholotomania)


            (Girl comes onstage.  This is Christina.  She is in her teens - wearing a pretty scarf and big glasses.There is a loud rumbling outside.  It finally stops.)

CHRISTINA -  Why do we have to live close to the train?  I can't stand this…especially today!  This  constant..……

            (As we see her start to curse, the rumbling starts again, drowning out the epithets, as the rumbling subsides, so do the curses, as a woman enters the room.  This is SANDY, Christina's mother,  and to put it mildly, she is very dramatic, wearing a very large hat - in fact everything about her is large.)

SANDY - (Over the top British accent)  My deah,  you know how I detest language like that!

CHRISTINA -  Where did I learn it from, Mom?

SANDY -  From you fahther, I'm sure, certainly not from these delicate lips...

CHRISTINA -  I don't think I can handle the Duchess this morning....

SANDY - (Deep-fried Southern accent now)  Well, dahlin', how about a little bit o'           Tennessee - or don't you want to depend on the kindness of relatives?

CHRISTINA -  Not today!  Have you forgotten what today is?

SANDY -  Of course not!  (She has)  It's....

CHRISTINA-  (Not surprised)  Yes?

SANDY -  You're not going to help me, are you?

CHRISTINA -  (Torn, finally let's up)  It's picture day!

SANDY -  (As Christina says it)  ...picture day!  Of course I remembered!
CHRISTINA-  Yes, right.....
SANDY - I did!  Maybe I didn't.....
CHRISTINA -  (Under her breath)  You can remember every stupid line of every stupid commercial but you can't remember anything for me......
SANDY -  Do you really believe that?
CHRISTINA- Only because it's true.  Tell me, when do I have to go to the dentist to have my braces adjusted?
SANDY - Oh, that's easy.......
CHRISTINA - Don't look at the calendar!
 SANDY -  (A little embarrassed)  I can't remember everything!
CHRISTINA - But you can recite every single word from that stupid Aunt Edna commercial..

SANDY -  (Brightens up remembering)  But that's because I was amazing!  (She illustrates, very dramatic)   If I can’t have some of Aunt   Edna Edelstein’s Special Chocolate Easter Bunny Delight -  with its creamy   smooth chocolate that melts in your mouth like…mmmmmmm  (very dramatic)  then life…is not worth living!

            (She stands on a chair as if she is about to throw herself off a bridge, and   Christina puts out a hand to pull her mother back)
CHRISTINA – (Man’s voice)  I got these for you, dear……
            (Hands her a box of cereal)
SANDY -  (Surprised)  Aunt Edna Edelstein’s Special Chocolate Easter Bunny     Delights…you remembered...
            (Takes a huge simulated bite) 

SANDY - MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!  Life is  beautiful, as long as you have Aunt Edna’s….(She chews through the rest of the  name)

CHRISTINA - (Imitates her mother)  Auntie Edna Edelstein's Special Chocolate Easter Bunny Farts....made especially for you......
SANDY -  Don’t make fun of that commercial!  It’s kept us going for 10 years!
CHRISTINA -  Except for that suicide scare…
SANDY -  That was….awful…awfully good for business!
CHRISTINA -  That’s horrible!
SANDY -  Well, it was! 
CHRISTINA -  That poor girl almost killed herself with an empty box of Easter Bunny’s in her arms!
SANDY -  Luckily she didn’t,
CHRISTINA -  But that Mayor’s council made a big fuss that the ad was encouraging      suicides…
SANDY – But the Edelsteins argued it was just a funny commercial – and they started   that anti-suicide campaign…that is still running, may I add,  because they realized that when   people saw the anti-suicide ads and thought of getting our candy – sales skyrocketed!
CHRISTINA -  And you are the spokesperson….
SANDY -  (Big, to the audience) Life is beautiful…don’t throw it away!  If worrying       about something chocolate is making you think of killing yourself, call now for          help……Do any of your friends know it’s your mother who does the commercial?
CHRISTINA -  (Horrified)  I hope not!  …Look, I have to get going…
SANDY – Wait a minute….if you’re having the yearbook picture taken today, let me       look at you!
             Christina pulls away.)
CHRISTINA – I’m fine….
SANDY -  Why are you wearing those silly glasses, and that scarf!  Oh, my God, was I    supposed to meet you for a haircut?  (Thinking)  Wait, didn’t we do that before school started?
CHRISTINA -  Yes, Mom, that was six weeks ago…
SANDY – I can’t believe you’re in high school!  You’ll be graduating before you know    it…
CHRISTINA -  Not soon enough…
SANDY -  (Hearing this)  Is something wrong?  Did I miss something?
CHRISTINA – No, Mom, everything’s fine…
SANDY – It’s all these auditions for the Spring catalogs and commercials, I’ve been so    busy!  Have they been bullying you?  (Horrified)  I saw something on 60 minutes       about texting naked pictures…you’re not…
CHRISTINA -  Mom!
SANDY -  Good…so let’s get your hair ready…
CHRISTINA -  My hair is fine…
SANDY – But with that scarf you look like you’re going through chemotherapy!

            (She reaches out to remove the scarf and Christina bats her hand away, almost violently)
CHRISTINA – (Screams)  I told you to LEAVE ME ALONE!
            (Her mother is stunned, and as the lights go down, Christina grabs her things and runs to exit, leaving her mother watching her exit.  Blackout)

--------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8