Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #503 Real Answers by Janet S. Tiger June 30, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #503 Real Answers by Janet S. Tiger  June 30, 2015

                                                         Real Answers
                                                     (for The Senior Channel)
                                   a monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                       tigerteam1@gmail.com  


           (The woman who enters has a purposeful stride - she is here on a mission.  She stands and looks out at the audience.)
I am here to tell the truth.  About life.  To all the watchers here on the Senior Channel.   I have been listening to that woman who has the De-cluttering show and she answers questions ALL WRONG.  Last week, she got one woman asking (imitates)  'I'm getting older, how to I get rid of all my collections?'  And Miss Professional De-clutter lady told her it was possible!  Well, here is the answer she should have given....

          (She opens up a paper and reads)
 'Dear Wants to Get Rid of Clutter-

You will NEVER get rid of all that stuff!  It is impossible!  For every one thing you give away - five will come in!  Think Little Johnny's crayon picture of an airplane that looks like a grasshopper is tough to throw away?  Wait until little Johnny graduates from high school, and college and all the announcements and photos and then he gets married and has great-grandbaby Tiffany - who now gives you a BEAUTIFUL crayon picture of the monster Cthulu.....see where this is going?  The longer you live, the more stuff you will be getting!

And let's say you die, god forbid, but here's an even more horrific thought -
even when they put you in the ground, they will send off a bunch of crap with you in the coffin.  You would not believe what gets tucked under grandma when you've got your face turned!

Getting burned and urned?  If they scatter your ashes, you become - Earth clutter!

Bequeathing that urn to your loved ones - if you have any left after leaving them all that clutter! - it becomes the clutter of death!

No....You will never de-clutter!  Never! Never! Never!'

And that is the truth.....

            (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Have a nice day!

            (She exits - to the real world of neverending clutter)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83

Monday, June 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #502 Letters I Never Sent by Janet S. Tiger June 29, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #502 Letters I Never Sent by Janet S. Tiger  June 29, 2015

                                          Letters I Never Sent
                                   a monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                       tigerteam1@gmail.com  

            (A man dressed in black enters, carrying a bag.  He walks over to what we can see - or imagine - is a coffin, and looks inside)

Well, my dear, you look better than you have in years.  I wish you could be here to see yourself.  They did a wonderful job with the make-up, and I love the dress.

           (Tilts head as if listening)

It just so happens I did....

            (He takes out a mirror and holds it so the person in the coffin can see)

Was I right?  You look ....divine..... well, maybe that's the wrong direction, but you know what I mean.....

(Sighs heavily)  I will so miss you......our little talks, our morning coffee.......did I appreciate it while we had it all these years?  I wouldn't be human if I had.....

But.....I can appreciate you now.....and I have a little present for you....something you would have loved when you were alive.....and now I'm sorry I didn't share earlier.....or maybe not....

          (He opens the bag)

You see, when I was a young lad, my mother taught me to write letters to people.....thank yous to start, then I had pen pals.  But the most important letters I ever wrote.....well, the first started with you, believe it or not.  I was furious because you had not allowed me to play with your pussy.  Oh, that sounds bad, your cat!  Remember that silly mottled stray you had picked up one rainy day?  Just like you picked me up in school, when no one would talk with me because I looked funny and talked strangely......

And you thought I was going to pull its tail, and I was furious with you.....and I was never going to talk to you again, and my mother had me write you a letter saying all the mean things I wanted to say...but I had to put it in her special locked drawer for a whole week before I gave it to you.

It was amazing......I forgot about the letter completely.  I guess I was young.  But every time I wanted to get even with someone, she had me write a letter to them, and wait a week.  And here is the result....

          (He removes a wad of letters from the bag and drops them into the coffin)

I want you to have them dear, something to read when you have an extra minute or two.....

They do make for interesting reading.....everything from first crushes to hateful words written to horrible bosses to.....unpleasant truths to family members......

I'm sorry I didn't share them sooner, but we were always so busy ....doing other things...... Now, we can have a good laugh.....maybe not together, but in my heart, we will always be together, dear....

         (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Oh, and wherever you're going, please put in a good word for me!

       (He tips his head, and exits)


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83

Monologue Mania Day #501 Better Next Time (for Two Sisters) by Janet S. Tiger June 28, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #501 Better Next Time (for Two Sisters)  by Janet S. Tiger  June 28, 2015

         This is from the one-act with other parts on Day # 487,  Day # 488, Day # 498, Day # 499 and Day # 500
Although these are with more than one actor, I will separate out the monologues later.  Thanks for your patience!

                                                        Better Next Time
                                                               (for Two Sisters)
                          This is not a monologue! by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                       tigerteam1@gmail.com  

continued from Day 500

       (Pam is seen coming to the front door, and finding it open, she knocks and walks in, with Daddy getting very angry and Lynn trying to pick up the groceries from earlier.)

DADDY -  What is SHE doing here?

PAM -  Lynn told me to come!  And why was the front door open?  Just anyone could have walked in here....

DADDY -  Anyone just did walk in!

PAM -  I thought you said he would be resting!

DADDY -  But you would have preferred if I was in that horrible place...Groaning Grotto!  I told you-
I don't ever want to speak to you again!  I have called your cousin, Harlan, the attorney and I am writing you out of the will!

LYNN - (Trying to maintain some control)  Everyone, please let's just calm down a bit....

DADDY - Calm?  I told you- I don't ever want to speak to her again!  What are you trying to do - kill me, too?

LYNN -  No one is trying to harm you Daddy, we are just trying to find you a place to move....

DADDY - Why not just put me into a garbage bag and set me out in the street on Friday!

PAM -  If you think we're trying to kill you, why are you upset? I thought you WANTED to die to avoid having to move!

         (This stops Daddy and he nods, almost smiles)

DADDY -  Good point, let me think on that.....

LYNN -  (Getting a little crazy)  Think on what?  No one wants to kill you!  We want you to be healthy and happy and I am sick and tired of listening to this!  I have so much to worry about, I do not need you two fighting over the silliest things!  So hear me NOW!

          (She points at Pam)

LYNN -  Daddy has decided to definitely NOT move into Whispering Pines!  That is his final answer!  And he has the right to stay near his coffee shop buddies even if they are all nuts!  It's still his life and he has a right to make his own decisions!

           (She turns to Daddy)

LYNN -  And you!  You just.....(splutters).....leave Pam alone!  She was just trying to help you find a place!  We are all trying to help you!  She has gotten some other places you can look at, and she can drive you around while I'm busy taking care of my husband who is about to have experimental surgery on his heart!

           (She takes a deep breath and the two of them stare at her)

PAM - Don't talk to Daddy that way!  Show him a little respect!

DADDY - Pamela, don't you talk to your sister that way - at least she can make seltzer water properly!

         (He turns to Lynn)

DADDY -  Why didn't you tell me about Andy?

LYNN -  I didn't want you to worry...with the move and all....

DADDY -  I'm not a baby, I can handle it!  And you, Pamela, don't you ever tell me where I have to live!  I know you just wanted me to move in there because they took care of all the meals - and you wouldn't have to worry about feeding me, or shopping for me....or.....

PAM -  That's not true, Daddy.....I thought you'd like it.....

DADDY -  And you could have eaten with me in that big fancy lunchroom.....

PAM -  That was a nice advantage....(Thinking reverently)...Free meal for all family visiting.......

DADDY - So you not only wouldn't have to cook for me, but you wouldn't have to defrost two TV dinners for you and your husband!

PAM -  Oh, I don't defrost the TV dinners, too many instructions, I have Barry do that.....

LYNN -  (Getting annoyed)  Let's just try for once to stay on the topic!  Pam is sorry you misunderstood, right Pam?

PAM -  Of course!

LYNN  -  And Daddy, you know you have to move.....that's what Pam's taking you there did, it made you realize you have to start looking at places......so.....Pam, what else did you find?

PAM -  Three other places near the coffee shop.......one is a condo....

DADDY -  I told you I moved out of a house, I do not want to own property anymore!  How hard is that to remember!

PAM -  The next is a beautiful one, but only one bedroom....

DADDY -  I have to have two bedrooms!  One for me, and one for guests......

PAM -  You never have guests...

DADDY -  But I want to have the choice!

PAM -  Okay, okay!   So that was the three......but......there is one more ......

LYNN - Well?

PAM - I called up that nice lady in the office, Marty.....

DADDY - I told you not to talk to those people in the office unless I gave you permission...

PAM -  Daddy, I am 53, and if I want to call someone I will!

LYNN -  What did she say?

PAM -.....and she said......that there is another complex this company owns down the street, and there is a two-bedroom that just became available......

LYNN -  Oh, my God!

PAM -  And it is just like this one, same shape, same dimensions, only with new carpet and paint!

LYNN -  Isn't that fantastic!  Like an answer to our prayers!

DADDY -  But I'd still have to move there.....

LYNN/PAM - (Together, annoyed) Yes, Daddy, you'd still have to move!

           (The two start to laugh together, he holds up a finger and they laugh harder)

DADDY -  What's so funny about moving?

PAM -  And I contacted the people who moved me here, and they can do it all, take photos, pack, and you can be moved in one day!

           (Daddy looks at the two of them rejoicing and goes to get his jacket and cap)

LYNN -  Where are you going?

DADDY -  This is too good to lose!  Let's get moving!  What takes you two so long - I want to look at this place right now!

PAM -  Done.....

            (She texts and smiles)

PAM -  I figured you'd want to do this, so I told Marty we'd text her when we were ready to go...She's meeting us there in a few minutes......

           (Lynn gets Daddy's cane and they start to exit, walking throughout the audience, arriving back at his front door)

.PAM -  See, it's just over here.....and Marty said the key was under the mat.....

            (She reaches under the mat and removes a key)

PAM -  It'll look just like your place, only you'll have to use your imagination to picture your stuff here.....

              (They open the door and look around)

DADDY -  That's the silliest idea I ever heard.

LYNN -  But it works for me.....

DADDY -  No one would be surprised at that....

LYNN -  Your table would be here......

            (She indicates his table)

PAM -  And the cabinet there....

DADDY -  So all I want to know is....where do I sign?

           (Pam takes out an envelope and waves it at him)

PAM -  You won't need a deposit since you've lived here so long.....

DADDY - Good, they have enough of my money.....girls, you did great.  Pam, I'm glad you're back, I missed you.....and Lynn, I'm glad you never left! - I truly appreciate all you do for me.....

             (They hug each other, then Pam pulls away)

PAM -  There is one issue....

DADDY - I knew it!

PAM -  In a few years, this place will be torn down, too......so, you will have to move then.....

LYNN -  So, Daddy, what would your plan be for that?

DADDY -  Same as it was now!

          (The lights start to dim as he takes a pen and starts to sign the papers)

LYNN -  And how did that work for you?

DADDY -  Not the way I planned!

              (The girls help him with the papers, he signs then looks up)

DADDY - All I know is, I hope it works better next time!

LYNN/PAM - (Together, mock horrified)  Daddy!

             (They laugh together as the lights freeze on them.  Blackout.)

The end of this apartment.  The beginning for another.....













---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 ------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #500 What's That Noise? (for Two Sisters) by Janet S. Tiger June 27, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #500What's That Noise? (for Two Sisters)  by Janet S. Tiger  June 27, 2015
           
For those reading,  today is #500, and even though they can't all be gems (wait, that's the title from another day) and sometimes they can't be monologues until I weed out the other characters, they can all appreciate being read!  Many thanks for hanging with this for this year and almost a half- am keeping on because .....I actually....like doing these.

         This is from the one-act with other parts on Day # 487,  Day # 488, Day # 498, and Day # 499
                                                            What's that Noise?    (for Two Sisters)
                          This is not a monologue! by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                       tigerteam1@gmail.com  

           (We see Lynn opening the door to Daddy's as we hear Daddy start to yell.  Lynn has her hands full of groceries, but is worried, gets the door open, and drops all the bags on the floor, just as Daddy runs in waving a telephone.  He is enraged)

DADDY-  I hate this phone!  What are they trying to do to old people, drive us all crazy?  Isn't getting old bad enough!

LYNN -  Are you alright?

DADDY - Of course I'm not alright!  Do you remember this phone?

LYNN -  Of course I do, Daddy, it's the one you got yesterday from that nice man....

DADDY -  He was nice, the phone is not!

LYNN -  It was working fine yesterday....

DADDY -  Well, last night, when I went to sleep, I tried to turn it off....

LYNN - (Starting to get the picture)  That was a little complicated...

DADDY -  It was not!  Two buttons.....like this!

          (He presses the buttons)

DADDY-  Simple as pie!  Remember I had a TV repair shop?  And I know how to do these things!  I'm not senile yet!  And I read the directions!

          (He waves a booklet at her)

LYNN -  So what happened?

DADDY - I'm trying to tell you!  If you'd just be quiet and stop asking questions, you'd learn something!

         (She sighs and waits)

DADDY -  What was I saying?  I forgot what I was saying!

LYNN - What happened to the phone.....

DADDY - Don't interrupt me.....I pushed the buttons and I went to test the phones to make sure they were all off....

LYNN -  All twelve of them....

DADDY -  And this one makes thirteen....which is probably why I had such bad luck!

LYNN - That's probably the technical reason....

DADDY - And I called the phones and they were all off....except....

LYNN - For this one....

DADDY -  Did I say that?  No.  This phone was off, too!  No, when I turned this phone off, there was a ...a....(searches for the word)  ...a vibration!

LYNN -  Well then just unplug it from the wall.

DADDY - I don't have to unplug it from the wall, it's a line-in-only, remember?

LYNN - So just pull out the phone connection....

DADDY - I did that!  And it didn't help!

LYNN -  So what if the phone was vibrating.....put it in another room, under a pillow....with all these fans on, you can't hear it....

DADDY -  It wasn't the phone vibrating, it was.....THE WALL!  I went around going, 'what's that noise?'  'What's that noise?' It was infuriating!  But it was the wall!  The wall was......humming!

            (Lynn tries to stop from laughin)

LYNN -  The wall?  The wall was vibrating?

DADDY -  That's right, the wall!  And to get the vibration to stop....I had to take out the damn battery!

           (He shows her the battery and she stares at it.)

LYNN -  Well, that's different....

DADDY -  I know you don't believe me....

LYNN -  (Quickly) I never said that!

DADDY -  But you were thinking it!  So here......watch.....

           (He puts the battery back into the phone and plugs it in.)

LYNN -  Maybe you should call the nice man about this....

DADDY - Of course I'm going to call him.....

LYNN - (Doubtful)  I'm sure he's familiar with all these little peculiarities....

DADDY -  Certainly....

            (Then he pushes two buttons and the phone is on)

LYNN - Well, maybe it's working ok now.....maybe it just had to ...warm up?

DADDY -  Phones don't have to warm up!  These may be newfangled, but I used to sell phones and fix phones, and the walls are not supposed to vibrate when you turn them off!

            (He now presses the buttons and the phone shuts off.  There is silence)

LYNN -  Well, maybe you fixed it.....

DADDY -  Wait.....

            (There is a low hum, Lynn looks around.  Daddy walks over to the wall.)

LYNN -  Should I ask - what's that noise?

DADDY - (Triumphant)  It's coming from here.....it took me two hours to figure it out!

            (Lynn goes to the wall and puts her hand on it, shakes her head.  Daddy takes the phone and removes the battery.  The humming stops)

LYNN -  Amazing!

DADDY -  What'll they think of next!

LYNN - And if this isn't working properly....

DADDY - If?

LYNN  -  I'm sure he can bring a replacement....

        (Daddy is wrapping up the phone and putting it into the box, turns to leave, stops, looks back)

DADDY -  A replacement!  Forget it!  The next model will probably blow up!

          (As he closes the box, we see Pam approaching.  To be continued......)


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 ------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83

Friday, June 26, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #499 End of Scene (for Two Sisters) by Janet S. Tiger June 26, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #499 (for Two Sisters)  by Janet S. Tiger  June 26, 2015
             
              This is from the one-act with other parts on Day # 487,  Day # 488 and Day # 498

                                                            End of Scene       (for Two Sisters)
                          This is not a monologue! by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                       tigerteam1@gmail.com  

(But if you want  a monologue - see below for Daddy's Side)
    

         (Scene - Daddy's apartment. Outside porch area - simple setting to suggest this - patio chair, flowers.  Lynn is outside, eating a candy bar and crying.  Pam sees her and comes over, putting her arm around her)

PAM -  Are you alright?

LYNN -  (Wailing quietly)  Perfect!  Just peachy!  Doing great!

PAM -  So, is it the Snickers bar that is causing you such grief?

LYNN -  That's it, you guessed it....you should've been a detective....

PAM -  That's me, I can sniff out the truth anywhere ....well, at least I can sniff out fruit......

           (She strokes her sister's hair as her sister sobs)

PAM -  So, everything getting to be a little much?

LYNN -  Don't try to make me feel better!

PAM - No problem -  I'd say you're overdue for a good cry......

LYNN -  Ya think?

PAM - But have you thought of scheduling this so it doesn't interfere with your other chores?

LYNN - (Laughing and crying)   And don't try to make me laugh!

PAM -  Why not?  It's a good idea that's totally time efficient......Let's check your calendar....

           (She pretends to open a calendar and reads)

PAM -  Here's a good time - Saturday afternoon between 2 and 3pm is open....perfect for a good cry because your face can be all dried up and unpuffied by dinner.

LYNN -  Great, but what do I do now?  

PAM -  You just have to have a little....(smiling and hissing) discipline!  No more of this self-indulgence - crying whenever you want!

LYNN -  I told you - don't make me laugh, I have to go pee now!

PAM -  And that would be a completely efficient use of time - laughing, crying and going to the bathroom!  Bravo!

LYNN -  I think I just went....

          (They start to laugh together, then Lynn starts to blubber again)

LYNN -  I have so much to do and I have no idea how I'm going to do it!

PAM -  Well, I found a 'to do' list of yours, and after I read it, I had to go lie down.

LYNN -  You saw that?

PAM -  It was sticking out of your purse, I just wanted to make it a little neater....

LYNN -  Thank you, but please leave my list alone!

PAM -  Don't worry - I have no intention of doing anything on your list!  But I do have an idea why it's so long....

LYNN -  You do?

PAM - Of course, it's obvious that...... you're lazy.

          (They both laugh)

PAM -  You will just have to cut out all these silly wastes of time - like meeting with friends for an hour ......or sitting down and watching Judge Judy.....

LYNN -  I only watch Judy when I'm folding laundry!

PAM - There you go - have your friends come over ......and visit and while they're drinking their coffee and eating the delicious repast you have slaved over - while talking to them, you can fold the laundry.... Do you remember what granma used to say....'put a broom up my rear and I can sweep the floor at the same time'

LYNN/PAM (together) -  May she rest in peace!

PAM -  What would granma say now?

LYNN -  Time to leave the pity party.....

PAM -  Not at first....she was always sweet when there was a problem....

LYNN -  Not so sweet if you didn't take her advice......

PAM - Remember that guy you were dating?

LYNN -  Which one?  I can barely remember them it's been so long!

PAM - You remember....the basketball player who was very nice and good-looking, but not very bright?

LYNN -  (Remembers now)  Darren!

PAM -  Granma said he was so tall, the oxygen didn't get to his brain anymore......

LYNN -  (Laughs)  She was terrible!  But after that, I couldn't go out with hin!
        Wait a minute!  I told you not to make me laugh!

PAM -  Too late, damage done......

LYNN -  (Sighs heavily, wipes eyes)  I guess, it's just I hate these decisions.....

PAM -  I know it's tough.....and Dad having to move....

LYNN -  Not just Dad....

PAM - (Starting to figure it out)  How did that doctor's appointment go?

LYNN -  (Sighs)  Interesting.  They want to put in a pacemaker.into my 60 year old husband....

PAM - No decision there, that's an easy operation.....

LYNN - But they are offering Andy a chance to have the new experimental pacemaker, the one that doesn't require the wires and goes in through his leg, and has less possible complications....

PAM -  And that's a problem because?

LYNN -  Because it's new, and not tested on millions of people yet, just thousands.....

PAM -  But what about all the monkeys they try these on?  And the guinea pigs?  Don't they count?

LYNN -  Well, good for you, that made me feel all better....

PAM - Happy to help!  Just call me..'Little Miss Sunshine!'

LYNN - I guess it because...it's all at the same time.  And ....I can't tell Dad, because he gets all upset if someone is sick......but I may have to tell him, which is another difficult decision.....

PAM - Decisions are a lot like bad weather, all at once......

LYNN - It's like my brain is made of spaghetti!

PAM -  As long as it's not cantaloupe!

LYNN -  You and cantaloupe......

        (They giggle)

LYNN -  And now Dad having to move....it's like the straw that broke this camel's back.....

PAM - Well, Miss Camelback, I did a little research, there is a wonderful place not far from here......it's called (reverently).....Whispering Pines.....

LYNN -  (Thinks)  I know that place, and it's not that close.

PAM -  Well we have cars.

LYNN -  You know Daddy isn't driving anymore

PAM -  That's the beauty of it!  WP is self- contained!  Daddy could have all his meals there, and walk around and make new friends!

LYNN -  But he loves the coffee shop, that's his favorite thing to do socially....

PAM -  Socially?  Half the people there are nuts - certifiable, may I add - you can't object to him going into a nice place, can you?

LYNN -  It's not my decision, it's his!

PAM -  Of course it is, so long as he makes the right decision!  

LYNN -  He won't even look at anything!  And I found a list he made, a 'to do' list, and the last item on it was......(shudders)  Die.

PAM -  You do realize he did that to annoy you.

LYNN -  I'm not so sure....

PAM -  Leave it to me.... I have an idea how to get him to visit.....

LYNN -  Do tell....

PAM -  You know that lady at the coffee shop he has  a big crush on?  Sophia?  The one he thinks looks like Sophia Loren?

LYNN -  If you squint....and close your eyes.....

PAM -  It's his crush, not mine....just listen!  It turns out that Sophia has some friends at ....the Pines, and we can get a free lunch if we tour the place.....

LYNN -  Free lunch, now there's an incentive....they used to offer TV sets to tour timeshare, but a free lunch at an old age home....

PAM -  It's not an old age home!  A lot of people our age live there - if we had the money, I would live there.....I'd never have to make another meal.....what a paradise!

LYNN - For you, maybe, and much as the free lunch is a magical opportunity,  I just don't know if I have the time...there's so many doctors appointments.....

PAM -  That's the beauty, while you're taking care of  Andy, I can take Daddy to look....with Sophia!

LYNN -  Well, I guess it's a start......and what could possibly go wrong?

            (There is a fast blackout on them and then lights up as we hear Daddy yelling at the top of his lungs)

DADDY - Nevah!  Did you hear me?  Nevah, nevah....NEVAH!

         (Lynn is trying to talk with him but he is in a rage)

DADDY - I am writing your sister out of the will!  And I will never talk with her again!  And if you think anything can change my mind, well, you are WRONG!

LYNN - Pamela was only trying to help, Daddy! You know you have to move and you only have a few weeks to find a place!

DADDY -  It's not an apartment!  She told me I would have an apartment!  It was one room, and I would have to walk to get my breakfast!  In my pajamas, because at 88, no one is going to force me to get dressed before breakfast!

        (He is running around, looking for something)

DADDY -  Your sister must have hidden my will, because she knew I'd disown her!  And the most horrible part is.....did I tell you, Lynn?

LYNN -  Probably...

DADDY -  The most horrible part was.....that they used my sweetie Sophia as.....as bait!
When I was a young man, I had a friend who worked in the yards, where they kill the cattle, and they would have one pretty cow lead the others in to their slaughter!  And they would follow, because she was a pretty cow!

That's what your sister did!  And.......the worst part is....

LYNN -  Is this different from the most horrible part?

DADDY - The worst part is....everyone there was....(sputtering)  OLD!  As in...ANCIENT!

LYNN -  How old could they be?

DADDY - Old enough to be repeating the same stories every two minutes.  I mean, I know I tell the same stories over and over, but at least I try to wait an hour or two.....this was.....IMPOSSIBLE!

LYNN -  (Attempting rationality)  Look, Daddy, I know you're upset, but Pam only meant well....

DADDY -  Really?  I mean well, too!  Here it is, I knew I could find it....

          (He is triumphant, holding up an envelope)

DADDY -  I'm calling up your cousin the attorney, and he is going to change this....now!

LYNN -  (Starting to get worried)  Daddy, please! 

         (She tries to get the envelope, but he pulls it away)

DADDY -  Get away from me!  If you side with her, I don't have to talk with you, either!

LYNN -  But.....

          (He holds up his hand and she stops)

DADDY -  I'm warning you!  This is serious!  

          (He marches offstage brandishing the will, stops, and looks back)

DADDY -  The Whispering Pines actually whispered to me, and do you know what they said?  They whispered....(shouts)  DON'T COME HERE!

           (He exits and Lynn runs after him.  Curtain)

      
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
For those wanting a real monologue, the final section with Daddy can be modified like this -
                      Daddy's Side

              (Daddy runs onstage, furious, looking for something)

 Nevah!  Did you hear me?  Nevah, nevah....NEVAH!

 I am writing your sister out of the will!  And I will never talk with her again!  And if you think anything can change my mind, well, you are WRONG!

              (Listens, get angrier)

I don't care if she means well, she lied to me!   It's not an apartment!  She told me I would have an apartment!  It was one room, and I would have to walk to get my breakfast!  In my pajamas, because at 88, no one is going to force me to get dressed before breakfast!

        (He keeps looking frantically)

 Your sister must have hidden my will, because she knew I'd disown her!  And the most horrible part is.....did I tell you, Lynn?

 The most horrible part was.....that they used my sweetie Sophia as.....as bait!
When I was a young man, I had a friend who worked in the yards, where they kill the cattle, and they would have one pretty cow lead the others in to their slaughter!  And they would follow, because she was a pretty cow!

That's what your sister did!  And.......the worst part is....

 The worst part is....everyone there was....(sputtering)  OLD!  As in...ANCIENT!

           (Listens)

 Old enough to be repeating the same stories every two minutes.  I mean, I know I tell the same stories over and over, but at least I try to wait an hour or two.....this was.....IMPOSSIBLE!

        (Listens, shakes head)
Really?  I mean well, too!  Here it is, I knew I could find it....

          (He is triumphant, holding up an envelope)

 I'm calling up your cousin the attorney, and he is going to change this....now!

         (She tries to get the envelope, but he pulls it away)

  Get away from me!  If you side with her, I don't have to talk with you, either!

          (He holds up his hand)

 I'm warning you!  This is serious!  

          (He marches offstage brandishing the will, stops, and looks back)

  The Whispering Pines actually whispered to me, and do you know what they said?  They whispered....(shouts)  DON'T COME HERE!

           (He exits. End of scene.)


 ------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #498 (for Two Sisters) by Janet S. Tiger June 25, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #498 by Janet S. Tiger  June 25, 2015
              
              This is from the one-act with other parts on Day # 487 and Day # 488.

                                          (for Two Sisters)
                          Really not a monologue! by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                       tigerteam1@gmail.com     

         (Scene - Daddy's apartment.  A bachelor's place, but not too bad.  Decent furnishings and only a few extra piles of papers that someone is trying to sort through,  It is darkish.  Lynn enters from the hall and goes to the sink, holds up a glass bottle of water and shakes her head.  There is a key in the front door and Pam enters, arms filled, but still in complete control.  She sees Lynn and is surprised)

PAM -  Is Daddy OK?  I thought you left hours ago....

LYNN -  Good to see you, too, dear sister.  Can I help you?

PAM - That would be good.....

            (She hands all the packages to Lynn, who now has her hands full)

PAM - It took me hours to get all of that stuff....

LYNN -  You mean the food?  Hours to get two bags of food?

PAM -  You know how hard it is for me to make choices!  The two oranges alone took twenty minutes!   And why does Daddy need so much food?  Frank and I have less in our fridge and there are two of us.

LYNN -  Daddy likes to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, hence we shop for food.

PAM -  My, you're in a bad mood, how was he today?

LYNN -  Daddy was fine, he's sleeping now, but there are.....a few issues.....

PAM -  Issues?  You mean complaints!  Well, I'll get my list.....

         (She goes to her purse and gets a pen and large pad.)

LYNN -  Why don't you sit here......there's more light here.......

          (She indicates a chair)

PAM -  There is no light....

          (Lynn now turns on a lamp and shines it at Pam, kind of like in an interrogation)

LYNN -  How's that?  Better?

PAM -  That's right in my eyes! 

LYNN -  Good!  Then you'll understand when I tell you that you need to improve....

PAM -  Improve what?  I am as close to perfect as humans get!

LYNN -  (Hissing)  The water......the seltzer water......you made it wrong and Daddy was ....not happy...

PAM -  Well, then it's your fault!  I followed your instructions!

LYNN -  Did you?  Here, maybe you should watch again....

         (She brings over a phone and presses a button.  A muffled voice is heard)

PAM -  I can't believe you did a video with instructions!  This is crazy!  It's some seltzer and some bottled water!  How could anyone get it wrong?

LYNN -  I don't know, look in the mirror!

           (She holds up a mirror in Pam's face, the two start to giggle)

PAM  - So you think this is the face of a criminal?

LYNN -  Worse!  A person who cannot follow instructions!

PAM -  (Trying not to laugh)  I told you, it's your fault!  If I failed, it's because I followed YOUR instructions!

LYNN -  Let me show you again- in person!

           (She goes to the bottle of water and empties it in the sink)

LYNN -  We will start fresh.

          (She takes a bottle from the fridge)

LYNN -  Cold seltzer - from the fridge!

PAM - You never said it had to be cold!

LYNN - Yes, I did!

PAM -  And what difference could it possibly make if it's cold when he just leaves these bottles on the counter?

LYNN -  Would you question how Coca-Cola is made?

PAM -  If you were giving instructions, yes.

LYNN - You can argue with Daddy....

PAM  - Maybe I will....

           (Lynn gives her a look)

PAM - Or maybe not...

LYNN -  You rinse the bottle and then the lid, and pour in to this level, about one-third......

              (She eyeballs the seltzer)

LYNN - And you finish with.....

            (She takes bottled spring water and fills to the top, putting on the lid)

LYNN - Voila!

PAM -   Well that explains it!  I do not just run water over the lid, I clean the lid with a clean sponge, and THEN I rinse it, so it is probably cleaner than when you do it, and he is used to a dirtier lid flavored seltzer water.

LYNN -  Really?

PAM -  AND!  (Thinks) How am I supposed to fill the right amount of seltzer when there is NO MARKING ON THE BOTTLE?  What am I supposed to be - a mind-reader?  A psychic?

LYNN -  Yes.

PAM -  Well, I'm not.

LYNN -  Clearly

PAM -  And I did it better!  When I wasn't sure if I had enough seltzer, after I added the spring water, I merely topped it off with seltzer ......

          (Lynn pretends to be horrified)

LYNN - You did what?    You made a ....a ....seltzer sandwich?

          (This finishes the two of them off and they start laughing, but while laughing together, Pam stands and directs Lynn to the chair, then shines the light in her eyes)

PAM -  I may have INADVERTANTLY erred- due to your bad directions - but you, you put mustard on the new sponge!

          (Lynn pretends to be horrified)

LYNN -  You can't prove that!

PAM -  Oh yes I can!

          (Pam removes a plastic bag from her purse and waves it at Lynn)

PAM -  There!  The horrid green stain that never comes out!

          (Lynn examines the sponge)

LYNN -  But....it's impossible...... I threw it out!

PAM -  Aha!  You admit it!

         (Lynn, now laughing and pretend crying)

LYNN -  But I had to throw it out, Mr. Mason!  I didn't want anyone to find out that I had mustarded both sides of the bread!

PAM -  Guilty!  Off with her head!

         (At this, Daddy enters, in pajamas)

DADDY -  What is going on in here?  I can't rest with all this noise!  And what is that?

         (He points at the bag)

PAM -  Nothing, Daddy, just something that made us laugh.....

DADDY -  Everything makes the two of you laugh, every since you were little girls, when you got giddy, all I had to do was hold up a finger......

           (He holds up his first finger and they burst into laughter, falling on the floor and rolling)

DADDY -  Nothing changes, still crazy like your mother.....

     
LYNN -  Oh, Daddy, you have to laugh!

DADDY -  No, I don't.

          (Lynn gets off the floor and goes for her purse)

LYNN - I've got to get going, I promised the kids I'd be home and we could have one meal together....

PAM -  There you go, indulging yourself again......

         (The two laugh)

PAM  - Aren't you going to help me clean this up?

        (She indicates the bags)

LYNN -  You mean put away the food?  No.

         (She turns to leave, and Pam grabs her arm)

PAM -  (Desperate) I'll sort through this pile of mail if you put away the food.

LYNN -  You'll do just about anything to avoid touching the bananas, won't you?

          (Pam hangs her head and nods)

PAM -  You don't understand, you never did.....you have a strange love of fruit.....(Pushing her advantage)  Besides, I can see you didn't get through the pile of mail.....

LYNN -  Oh, all right!  You know how I hate to sort stuff!

         (Lynn takes the two bags and starts putting things away.  Daddy has been looking through the closets)

DADDY -  Did you remember I needed peanut butter?

PAM -  (Worried) No, it wasn't on the list!

LYNN - Because he has two jars....unopened....

          (Lynn indicates a closet)

DADDY - You can never have too much peanut butter!  You girls didn't live through the Depression like I did....

LYNN - Daddy, your father had a grocery store, you never starved!

DADDY -  But other people did, and as long as you have peanut butter, you can live forever.....

LYNN -  I guess you are living proof of that.....

          (Pam is sorting and throwing out most of the mail, then she stops, although the others do not notice)

DADDY -  My father always said that the sign of a good grocery are the staples.....if they never run out of the important things...like milk, eggs...and peanut butter......that when there was a snowstorm, or a hurricane, you had to have enough of the non-perishables....like.....

 DADDY - Peanut butter!
LYNN  -  Peanut butter!

         (Pam does not join into this, because she is now starting to wave a paper around)

LYNN -  Is something wrong?

DADDY -  Yeah, what's the problem?

PAM -  (Very upset)  This says it's the third letter, Daddy!

DADDY - Oh, that....

LYNN - What's the big deal, Pam, I make sure all the bills are paid.....

PAM -  This isn't a bill!

DADDY -  It's a sentence of execution.....

LYNN - What?

PAM -  Daddy has to move when the lease is up!  They are not renewing the lease because they are ripping down these lovely old places and putting up new condos!

LYNN -  (Horrified)  What?

          (She grabs the paper and sits down heavily)

LYNN -  Daddy, this IS the third letter!  Why didn't you tell us?

DADDY -  Tell you what?  That they want me to move.  There've been rumors about this for years!

PAM -  This is not a rumor, Daddy, it's a legal notice!  You had to sign for it!

DADDY -  So?  There's plenty of time......

PAM -  How do you figure that?

DADDY -  What does it say....six months?

PAM-  Daddy, that was four months ago!  You have to be out of here in....in.....

LYNN -  Two months....

PAM -  Are you making fun of my math skills?

LYNN -  Why would I do that at a time like this?

PAM -  Just because you were always better at math.....

DADDY - (Interrupting)  THIS is why I didn't tell you!

          (Points at Lynn)

DADDY -  Your husband just had a heart attack.....and you....

          (Points at Pam)

DADDY -  You moved back here just eight weeks ago.....that's a lot of pressure, and besides, there's absolutely nothing to worry about!  I've got everything figured out1

PAM -  You do?  Pray tell, what are you plans?

LYNN -  Yes, Daddy, please share with us!

DADDY -  I plan to die before I have to move......

         (Pam and Lynn look at each other)

PAM -  But you're in wonderful shape for 88!

LYNN -  Yeah, how's it working out for you?

          (He turns to go, stops, looks back)

 DADDY - Not as well as I planned.......

           (In spite of themselves, Lynn and Pam laugh.  Blackout)

         

        

 ------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83