Thursday, June 25, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #498 (for Two Sisters) by Janet S. Tiger June 25, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues -

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
Monologue Mania Day #498 by Janet S. Tiger  June 25, 2015
              This is from the one-act with other parts on Day # 487 and Day # 488.

                                          (for Two Sisters)
                          Really not a monologue! by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                  

         (Scene - Daddy's apartment.  A bachelor's place, but not too bad.  Decent furnishings and only a few extra piles of papers that someone is trying to sort through,  It is darkish.  Lynn enters from the hall and goes to the sink, holds up a glass bottle of water and shakes her head.  There is a key in the front door and Pam enters, arms filled, but still in complete control.  She sees Lynn and is surprised)

PAM -  Is Daddy OK?  I thought you left hours ago....

LYNN -  Good to see you, too, dear sister.  Can I help you?

PAM - That would be good.....

            (She hands all the packages to Lynn, who now has her hands full)

PAM - It took me hours to get all of that stuff....

LYNN -  You mean the food?  Hours to get two bags of food?

PAM -  You know how hard it is for me to make choices!  The two oranges alone took twenty minutes!   And why does Daddy need so much food?  Frank and I have less in our fridge and there are two of us.

LYNN -  Daddy likes to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, hence we shop for food.

PAM -  My, you're in a bad mood, how was he today?

LYNN -  Daddy was fine, he's sleeping now, but there are.....a few issues.....

PAM -  Issues?  You mean complaints!  Well, I'll get my list.....

         (She goes to her purse and gets a pen and large pad.)

LYNN -  Why don't you sit here......there's more light here.......

          (She indicates a chair)

PAM -  There is no light....

          (Lynn now turns on a lamp and shines it at Pam, kind of like in an interrogation)

LYNN -  How's that?  Better?

PAM -  That's right in my eyes! 

LYNN -  Good!  Then you'll understand when I tell you that you need to improve....

PAM -  Improve what?  I am as close to perfect as humans get!

LYNN -  (Hissing)  The water......the seltzer made it wrong and Daddy was ....not happy...

PAM -  Well, then it's your fault!  I followed your instructions!

LYNN -  Did you?  Here, maybe you should watch again....

         (She brings over a phone and presses a button.  A muffled voice is heard)

PAM -  I can't believe you did a video with instructions!  This is crazy!  It's some seltzer and some bottled water!  How could anyone get it wrong?

LYNN -  I don't know, look in the mirror!

           (She holds up a mirror in Pam's face, the two start to giggle)

PAM  - So you think this is the face of a criminal?

LYNN -  Worse!  A person who cannot follow instructions!

PAM -  (Trying not to laugh)  I told you, it's your fault!  If I failed, it's because I followed YOUR instructions!

LYNN -  Let me show you again- in person!

           (She goes to the bottle of water and empties it in the sink)

LYNN -  We will start fresh.

          (She takes a bottle from the fridge)

LYNN -  Cold seltzer - from the fridge!

PAM - You never said it had to be cold!

LYNN - Yes, I did!

PAM -  And what difference could it possibly make if it's cold when he just leaves these bottles on the counter?

LYNN -  Would you question how Coca-Cola is made?

PAM -  If you were giving instructions, yes.

LYNN - You can argue with Daddy....

PAM  - Maybe I will....

           (Lynn gives her a look)

PAM - Or maybe not...

LYNN -  You rinse the bottle and then the lid, and pour in to this level, about one-third......

              (She eyeballs the seltzer)

LYNN - And you finish with.....

            (She takes bottled spring water and fills to the top, putting on the lid)

LYNN - Voila!

PAM -   Well that explains it!  I do not just run water over the lid, I clean the lid with a clean sponge, and THEN I rinse it, so it is probably cleaner than when you do it, and he is used to a dirtier lid flavored seltzer water.

LYNN -  Really?

PAM -  AND!  (Thinks) How am I supposed to fill the right amount of seltzer when there is NO MARKING ON THE BOTTLE?  What am I supposed to be - a mind-reader?  A psychic?

LYNN -  Yes.

PAM -  Well, I'm not.

LYNN -  Clearly

PAM -  And I did it better!  When I wasn't sure if I had enough seltzer, after I added the spring water, I merely topped it off with seltzer ......

          (Lynn pretends to be horrified)

LYNN - You did what?    You made a ....a ....seltzer sandwich?

          (This finishes the two of them off and they start laughing, but while laughing together, Pam stands and directs Lynn to the chair, then shines the light in her eyes)

PAM -  I may have INADVERTANTLY erred- due to your bad directions - but you, you put mustard on the new sponge!

          (Lynn pretends to be horrified)

LYNN -  You can't prove that!

PAM -  Oh yes I can!

          (Pam removes a plastic bag from her purse and waves it at Lynn)

PAM -  There!  The horrid green stain that never comes out!

          (Lynn examines the sponge)

LYNN -'s impossible...... I threw it out!

PAM -  Aha!  You admit it!

         (Lynn, now laughing and pretend crying)

LYNN -  But I had to throw it out, Mr. Mason!  I didn't want anyone to find out that I had mustarded both sides of the bread!

PAM -  Guilty!  Off with her head!

         (At this, Daddy enters, in pajamas)

DADDY -  What is going on in here?  I can't rest with all this noise!  And what is that?

         (He points at the bag)

PAM -  Nothing, Daddy, just something that made us laugh.....

DADDY -  Everything makes the two of you laugh, every since you were little girls, when you got giddy, all I had to do was hold up a finger......

           (He holds up his first finger and they burst into laughter, falling on the floor and rolling)

DADDY -  Nothing changes, still crazy like your mother.....

LYNN -  Oh, Daddy, you have to laugh!

DADDY -  No, I don't.

          (Lynn gets off the floor and goes for her purse)

LYNN - I've got to get going, I promised the kids I'd be home and we could have one meal together....

PAM -  There you go, indulging yourself again......

         (The two laugh)

PAM  - Aren't you going to help me clean this up?

        (She indicates the bags)

LYNN -  You mean put away the food?  No.

         (She turns to leave, and Pam grabs her arm)

PAM -  (Desperate) I'll sort through this pile of mail if you put away the food.

LYNN -  You'll do just about anything to avoid touching the bananas, won't you?

          (Pam hangs her head and nods)

PAM -  You don't understand, you never have a strange love of fruit.....(Pushing her advantage)  Besides, I can see you didn't get through the pile of mail.....

LYNN -  Oh, all right!  You know how I hate to sort stuff!

         (Lynn takes the two bags and starts putting things away.  Daddy has been looking through the closets)

DADDY -  Did you remember I needed peanut butter?

PAM -  (Worried) No, it wasn't on the list!

LYNN - Because he has two jars....unopened....

          (Lynn indicates a closet)

DADDY - You can never have too much peanut butter!  You girls didn't live through the Depression like I did....

LYNN - Daddy, your father had a grocery store, you never starved!

DADDY -  But other people did, and as long as you have peanut butter, you can live forever.....

LYNN -  I guess you are living proof of that.....

          (Pam is sorting and throwing out most of the mail, then she stops, although the others do not notice)

DADDY -  My father always said that the sign of a good grocery are the staples.....if they never run out of the important milk, eggs...and peanut butter......that when there was a snowstorm, or a hurricane, you had to have enough of the

 DADDY - Peanut butter!
LYNN  -  Peanut butter!

         (Pam does not join into this, because she is now starting to wave a paper around)

LYNN -  Is something wrong?

DADDY -  Yeah, what's the problem?

PAM -  (Very upset)  This says it's the third letter, Daddy!

DADDY - Oh, that....

LYNN - What's the big deal, Pam, I make sure all the bills are paid.....

PAM -  This isn't a bill!

DADDY -  It's a sentence of execution.....

LYNN - What?

PAM -  Daddy has to move when the lease is up!  They are not renewing the lease because they are ripping down these lovely old places and putting up new condos!

LYNN -  (Horrified)  What?

          (She grabs the paper and sits down heavily)

LYNN -  Daddy, this IS the third letter!  Why didn't you tell us?

DADDY -  Tell you what?  That they want me to move.  There've been rumors about this for years!

PAM -  This is not a rumor, Daddy, it's a legal notice!  You had to sign for it!

DADDY -  So?  There's plenty of time......

PAM -  How do you figure that?

DADDY -  What does it say....six months?

PAM-  Daddy, that was four months ago!  You have to be out of here

LYNN -  Two months....

PAM -  Are you making fun of my math skills?

LYNN -  Why would I do that at a time like this?

PAM -  Just because you were always better at math.....

DADDY - (Interrupting)  THIS is why I didn't tell you!

          (Points at Lynn)

DADDY -  Your husband just had a heart attack.....and you....

          (Points at Pam)

DADDY -  You moved back here just eight weeks ago.....that's a lot of pressure, and besides, there's absolutely nothing to worry about!  I've got everything figured out1

PAM -  You do?  Pray tell, what are you plans?

LYNN -  Yes, Daddy, please share with us!

DADDY -  I plan to die before I have to move......

         (Pam and Lynn look at each other)

PAM -  But you're in wonderful shape for 88!

LYNN -  Yeah, how's it working out for you?

          (He turns to go, stops, looks back)

 DADDY - Not as well as I planned.......

           (In spite of themselves, Lynn and Pam laugh.  Blackout)



Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83