Hoping this finds everyone reading this well and getting through the corona time safely.
This is not a monologue, but it's not too long.
It won First Place in the 2020 Script Tease of New One-Acts and had a Zoom reading Sept 25, 2020
There are almost 2000 monologues and one- act plays on the earlier years of this blog..
For a list of the many monologues on this post, please click here
Thank you for reading! Stay well!
play in one-act by Janet S. Tiger
28, 2020 all rights reserved
Characters- 3 women, 30,
60 and 90 years old
-- A checkstand…time…..soon….a few years AC - after corona
(Two women waiting in line at a grocery store. The older one, 60, is first in line, the younger, 30, is behind her and they have been waiting for awhile – and from
the appearance of things, will be waiting more.
Perhaps we hear the words ‘price check’ over the loud speaker, or maybe
the dreaded ‘Manager to checkstand 3’
and we know the wait is not getting shorter.
The younger woman is getting more and more annoyed, the older woman is
calm, perhaps reading a magazine. All
have Southern accents)
30 - Amazing! And this is the only line! Why
don't they open another line?
60- Because it's 5:30 pm- the busiest time of the day,
and it will aggravate us more
when we have to wait! Plus we buy more crap as we are waiting……
30 - (Laughs) I guess that's true…..at least we
don’t have to wear those masks anymore like a ….was that three years ago?
60 - Four. That
was annoying…I think I still have the mask in my purse!
- Looks like you have a kitchen sink in your
– (Laughs and then starts to look in
her purse) Maybe not the mask, but the hand santizer!
holds it up and then looks in shock)
-…..…..(takes a closer look at 30)
Oh, my God, I can't believe it! It's....it's me!
30 - Do I know you?
60 - Of course you know me - I AM you!
30 (A liitle nervous) Okay.....(looking
around) maybe we should ask for another line
60 - I heard them call for more checkers, but the others
are on break, it is dinner time!
30 - Oh boy....
60 - So we're stuck together! How amazing is
this! I never thought I'd meet
myself ...and in line at the Piggly
30 - I think you might be mixing me up with someone
60 - Absolutely not! I would recognize myself
anywhere! It's when I look in the mirror I don’t recognize
myself! No, it’s me……
(60 takes out a wallet)
60 - Here……take a
gander at this….did I say take a gander….wow, is that putting a time stamp on
my butt or what?
(30 looks and shakes her head)
30 - Look, my name is ….. okay so we have the same first name….
60 – And this is our married name!
30 – No it isn’t! I’m
not married, and the guy I’m going to marry….
60 – (Thinking) The one
with the long hair!
30 - He cut it for this
job, but this is not his name, and anyhow, I’m not going to take his name!
60 - But you are going
to take the name of his best friend, Jacob….
30 - What best
friend? I know his best friend, and that
guy is a jerk!
60 - Jacob was his best
friend from college….. Jacob, so good-looking!
Still is! And smart, and
willing to wait until I figured out
Mr. Long-hair was not for me!
30 – I never call him that!
60 - Oh, yes, we
did! – And we took Jacob’s name, because
Jacob is very traditional, which we
liked after Mr. Long Hair…
30 - Stop calling him
that! (A little unsure) I don’t call him
60 - But we did!
To our friends! And we made him
cut it to get the job! Oh, that’s a long
30 – (A little surprised- rubs her face)
much older lady now comes up behind 30)
90- (slow, but still
alert) Is this the end of the line?
30 - I think so.
90- I hope you know –
because if you don’t know when the end of the line is, you’ve got
30- It is……the line
90- Oh, my God! (She peers at 30 and 60) I can’t believe it! It’s me!
I’m already in line1
60 - No cuttsies!
(60 and 90 laugh)
90 - Amazing! I thought after that corona stuff I’d seen
everything, but…..this is very
different…..you two are…me! Me, too – or is that three?
(60 turns to 30 and asks)
60 - What the hell is
she talking about?
90 - You know! We know!
We’re a very knowledgeable us!
60 - (Looking
closely) Is it possible?
90 - Of course it’s
possible – in a line like this- anything is possible!
30 - So, hold on, I
mean, (she turns looking at the two of
them)….you are now both claiming to
(90 looks 30 up and down)
90- Hard to believe I
used to be able to fit into that size!
60 - Did we ever
appreciate what we had?
(30 looks at 60 and 90 and shudders)
90 - yep, this is
what’s coming sweetie!
60 - And to think I was
(She looks at 90, then takes
out a mirror)
60 - Oh, no! I am my own mother!
90 - Quitcher bitchen –
in 15 years you’ll be begging for that face back!
60- (Sighs, then smiles)
But Jacob still loves our face!
90 – (Smiles) Of course he does – otherwise, no dinner!
(90 and 60 laugh)
30 - (Getting more
annoyed) There is no Jacob!
60 - But soon…..
90 - Best friend from
college! Ha! It was his best friend from his high school!
60 - College! Whew!
Our memory sure is going…..(sighs)
At least it all worked out ok…..
90 - Thank God we saved
30 - (Looking in
baskets) What eggs? None of us is buying eggs!
(60 and 90 laugh)
60 - We got a funny
feeling about Mr. Long- hair, so, we go behind his back and store some of
90- And it was a good,
thing, because getting chemo is not good for eggs!
30 - I’m not sick! I am in perfect health!
60 – Now we are, but just wait…..
90 - It’s a twist you
60 - And finding out
hairy-boy never wanted kids, wanted you to live with him long enough so
that you’d be too old! That was a good kick in the ass…..
30 - I think I’m going
to find another line….
around, takes deep breath)
60 - This is it.
90- There is no other
30 (Horrified) Is this some kind of…..existential dream I’m
60 – Don’t you wish?
30 - It must be – I
never shop at Piggly Wiggly – I don’t live in the South! I don’t have a
Southern accent! It must be a dream!
(From this point on, none of them
has an accent)
60 - How do you
90 - We know – and when
we wake up, we’re going to make a call to the egg bank….just wait
30 - Wait a minute, the
line is moving……Oh, that’s better! It’s
my turn after you….
(60 offers her a place in front)
60 - You can have my
spot, you seem to be in a hurry….
90 - (to 60)
We always were, weren’t we?
30 - I guess it’s easy to hallucinate waiting in
90 - Keep telling
60 - And you just have
a good day! And please remember, everything is gonna be all right!
90 – We guaran-damn-tee it!
(The 30 year old gives them a look, sighs and smiles)
30 - Thank you for
letting me get in front, I am in a rush, got off work late ……
takes her bag of groceries as 60 starts to unload. 90 grabs at 30s arm as she
- Should we tell her what happens to Jacob?
30 - How could I possibly know what happens? (Takes a deep breath) No need.
We all find
rings, 30 answers. 60 and 90 look at each
other and nod)
30 - Yeah, I’m just
waiting in this hellacious line!
What? I thought it was just us
tonight…..who? I don’t remember you telling me about anyone
(30 looks at 60 and 90, they smile at her)
30 - Jacob. (Listens)
I thought his name was Jack. Oh,
he was named Jacob after his
grandfather …..who just died…so he’s
choosing to be called Jacob now……I guess I
remember…..isn’t he your buddy from high school……
90 – (to 60, triumphant)
I told you it was high school
(60 just shakes her head, then thinks)
60- Maybe you did.
30 - (Annoyed) Okay, ……No, it’s no problem. It was just tonight was…you know, us.
But….if it’s your best friend, and
he’s only here a few days……(she looks at 60 and 90)
Not tomorrow morning….. I’m going to
be busy …have to check a few things
out….about eggs…yeah, the cage free
keeps talking as she continues to exit with her items, while 60 and 90 watch)
60 - I can’t believe I
was ever that young!
90 - (looking at 60)
I can’t believe I was ever as young as you!
60 (lookng at 90)
I can’t believe I will be wearing sweat pants!
90 - I can’t believe I
remembered to put them on!
laugh, then 90 grabs 60’s hand.)
90 - What the hell are
we waiting in this line for? Let’s get
some ice cream!
60 - Sounds great! Wait a minute…I have ice cream! And it’s melting!
and chocolate sauce and whipped cream and nuts!
– We always did love ice cream…..
(90 points to her teeth-)
90- But you can have
60 - We may all be a little nuts……
90 - That’s what dreams
wait a minute....
(She digs in her purse and pulls out
a face mask, waves it as the lights start to dim – 30 has checked out and waves at them, shakes her head and exits)
– And we thought those were weird
days! How many years ago was that?
- The corona?
That was ancient history!
- No, honey, we’re ancient history!
and 90 laugh as we have blackout)