Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1196 Carving It Out by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 24, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!
  first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!                 
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop - if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                    day, click here  There are now over 1180!
Get  more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -   
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day # 1196 Carving It Out by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 24, 2017  

                                          Carving It Out
                                             a monologue by Janet S. Tiger 
                                             (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017

     (Woman brings out carving board and a slab of meat, takes out knife and cuts off a slice.  The others make appreciate noises signifying this smells good)

I am now going to show everyone here how to carve out some time for yourself.  Anyone want a slice?

       (She offers and someone takes the slice, eats it - it's good!)

Before my husband was, how shall we put it politely, restricted from areas that contain fire?....he did a mean barbeque!  And he showed me......

       (Cuts another slice, offers it)

The biggest slice of your time is sleeping.......

       (Cuts off some    meat)

One third of your life.

       (She throws the meat back in the bag to the others disapproval)

Hey, this is a demonstration, we can eat later!

       (She cuts off another big slab, slices it rapidly into many parts)

This is the time you spend taking care of others - doctors appointments, getting dressed, bathroom, meds.....everything else!........one-half the day.....if you're lucky, that's all....sometimes there's more.....

         (She slices a few more bits)

A surprise trip to the emergency room......a big spill in the kitchen.....or other accidents......

        (Looks at the cuttings, sighs, puts the chunks in bag -the others are silent now)

This is what you have left......

         (She holds up the tiny strip that's left.  There is nodding from the group now)

That's for you......that's how you carve out a teeny tiny bit for you.......

         (She takes the bag with the meat, shakes it up)

But I put some seasoning in here.....some spices....that's the friends and family who help us, who make us laugh ......so.....enjoy my friends.....our carved out slices of life.....and please carve out as much as you can because it's important to remember that ....life is a limited-time offer!!

         (She hands out plates and the meat and the others are happy.  End of this scene)

------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1195 Rules of Engagement by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 23, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!
  first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!                 
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop - if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                    day, click here  There are now over 1180!
Get  more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -   
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day # 1195 Rules of Engagement by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 23, 2017  

                                       Rules of Engagement
                                             a monologue by Janet S. Tiger 
                                                (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017

         (The older woman enters - she is in her 90s, but she is still magnificent.  Dressed up, with a cigarette, and holding a glass of champagne.  She makes her entrance as if in an old movie - and she commands the room, looking at the audience with barely disguised disgust. An educated European accent could help.)

When men proposition me, I'm never insulted.

I just say.....

         (She waves her hand with grace)

Money on the night table before......not after......

         (She turns to exit, stops, looks back)

And no American Express......

          (She smiles and exits.  End of scene)



        
------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monday, May 22, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1194 Misst (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 22, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!
  first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!                 
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop - if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                    day, click here  There are now over 1180!
Get  more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -   
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day # 1194 Misst  (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 22, 2017  

                                                    Misst
                                            (for Caregivers Anonymous)
                                             a monologue by Janet S. Tiger 
                                                (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017


         (Woman stands to address the group)

Interesting question - Now that we're caregivers, what do we miss the most?

That one is tough for me - I miss so many things!  Like not being on a pill schedule!.....

         (The others laugh and agree)

Or not being worried when the phone rings......going to the bathroom and being able to close the door - because with the door closed I can't hear if someone is falling down!

But if I have to pick one thing I miss the most, it would have to be............wasting time.

         (Listens, waves it away)

No way is coming here a waste of time!  We have a schedule, and we help each other, nah, definitely not a waste!

Wasting time is something for the young, and those without obligation....  And the only reason I remember it at all is that last week, a few friends took me out, while one stayed with my mother.  And I didn't have to be home by a certain time....no curfew!

And we went to the movies, and sat outside at a gelato place that is open until two in the morning, It was warm, then it got a little cool, and foggy, and mystical.....and just plain silly!....and we laughed and talked, and laughed some more......and suddenly the place was closing.  And if you ask me, I couldn't tell you what we talked about.....or laughed about.  Shooting the breeze - shootin' off our mouths......just wasting time....I remember those days fondly.....

And that is what is missed the most for me.....but maybe I should say....mist....M-I-S-S -T -like in the foggy stuff.....

         (She sits as the others applaud)

        
------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1193 Birthday Boy by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 21, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!
  first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!                 
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop - if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                    day, click here  There are now over 1180!
Get  more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -   
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day # 1193 Birthday Boy by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 21, 2017  

         Warning - Adult content - but definitely not dirty!


                                              Birthday Boy
                                                  
                                             a monologue by Janet S. Tiger 
                                                (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017


This is not about birthdays, nor is it about a boy.  Today is my husband's birthday - and one thing I always think about on birthdays is....no, not chocolate cake, at least not first.  No, first I think about.....yes, please understand this is not at all lascivious....I think about....sperm.

Sperm.  How we all get here.  Sperm meets ovum and ...voila!  A potential birthday!  Boy or girl or one of now dozens of explanations of gender, but a human is the result.

Out of billions of sperm, one wins.  Okay, with twins, more than one, but if identical twins, still one.  The fastest?  Maybe.  Maybe the fastest had bad directional sense and ended up in a wall somewhere, digging for gold that was never there.......how true of life.

Why do I think about sperm?  Because.....ideas are like sperm - waiting to get into the right spot.

Some faster, others slower but more determined, yet others never giving up, watching for the chance
to succeed...no matter how far away the object....

Think about all the ideas.....millions of them, billions, that never reach maturity,  never reach success.  Yet they are invaluable - because their presence makes possible the success of the one sperm idea that gets through, burrows in, grows to successful birth, and life.......

When you stop to think about it, it is amazing.  Are there more sperm than stars?  I suspect that may be the case.  What about ideas?  More than stars?  More than sperm?

Who knows?  Not I.  I just have to figure out how to get a cake my diabetic husband can eat.....oh, my daughter is making one, out of a watermelon.  She is cutting it to look like a cake - it is beautiful and he can eat it, because his glucose has been good.  A good idea, too.

Some sperm have turned out well - my two beautiful children - and now a new baby born on my husband's birthday.  A new cousin, a new nephew...a new member of the family, .  Eggs and sperm.  What a great idea!
------------------------------------

Mazel Tov to our newest!  And to all the new babies all over the world!
------------------------------------

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1192 Danger Zone (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 20, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!
  first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!                 
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop - if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                    day, click here  There are now over 1180!
Get  more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -   
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day # 1192 Danger Zone (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 20, 2017  

        
                                                  Danger Zone
                                                      
                          (for Caregivers Anonymous)
                                             a monologue by Janet S. Tiger 
                                                (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017

        (Woman stands, goes to the wheelchair and addresses the others)

        I was wild in high school, barely survived college!

Now, my idea of danger - sometimes, I reach for the toaster, and lift it by the top, with my hands touching the inside!  And for an extra thrill, I don't dry my hands too much!

As yet, no charge - no electrifying zap.  But that's not all I do.  Sometimes, when I am washing the clothing, I forget the bleach - on purpose.  What if there was a stain I missed?  That got something contaminated that the hot water and the dryer didn't eradicate?  What if a terrible illness spread throughout the land, just like in Albert Camus' The Plague?

(Sighs)  But it doesn't.  I do remember that one book from the one college class I was not completely drunk in - it was the middle of the day, so my hangover had subsided, and the teacher was adorable, so I would actually pay attention.  He was older, oh, he must've been 40!  Oh, how old that was!  And he looked at me, and listened to me!  I almost learned something in that class!

Maybe I did, Camus.  I read a few of his books and I think that's what got me started into teaching English.  That was the end.  You can't be a drunk teacher.  And I married another teacher.  (Laughs)  Yes, I married the Camus teacher.  The old man.  Now he really is an old man.....and I am 20 years younger and his caregiver.  He was never wild in college, so I had to settle down.

and then he got sick.  Amazing how the things you never plan for happen.  Surprise!

So now my crazy is little bits stolen.....speeding around a corner when I see there are no cops.  Taking a nip before bed......the same bottle for a year because.....I can't be drunk now and miss the pills.

So I look for new adventures!  What do you guys do that's wild and crazy!  Tell the truth!

        (She turns to the others and they tell her....in another day's listing)

-------

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8