I Cheat at Wordle a monologue by Janet S. Tiger (c) Oct 9, 2022

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                                      I Cheat at Wordle  a monologue by Janet S. Tiger  (c)  Oct 9, 2022

                                                          tigerteam1@gmail.com

 

            (Woman comes onstage, she is holding a cellphone)

 

I cheat at Wordle

There I said it

I cheat at Wordle

So the hell what?

I'm not in a contest or anything!

All the other people playing could cheat if they wanted, but when I tell them I cheat,they say (imitates)  ' but you are only cheating yourself!'

Jeez!  ....for some reason they have not figured something out - when you play against yourself, so what if you are cheating? 

You aren't cheating some old lady out of her life savings!  Or even cheating a bank.....if you are playing against yourself,  so no matter how you play......YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO WIN!

So you might as well do the best win you can…..and as for playing fair..

My mother taught me a long time ago…..before she couldn’t feed herself ...Or recognize me….she taught me that life isn’t fair.  She was right……

                    (Puts hand to ear and listens)

How do I cheat?

How hard is it to figure out how to cheat?

You play one game on your phone - and you play another on your computer

It gives you more chances

So, on one of them, if you need, you take all six shots

Then you use that info on the other game.

Easy peasy!

Sometimes you can get it in less than six tries, then they tell you ..(mimics)   Impressive! 

What the hell does that mean?  It's impressive if you  don't go crazy waiting for someone to finish their dinner.  It's impressive if you don't scream at the doctor who keeps you waiting for an hour then just gives you five minutes!   It’s impressive if you can figure out how new cell phone works…… No, impressive is not the word I want to hear.

(Shakes head, then smiles)

But you see, in Wordle,  if you get the word in less than six tries on one game, you can put that winning word in on the very first try on the other game!

And then, (very happy) they will tell you  that you are ....a genius!  

Just what I need to hear at the end of a day full of changing bandages and fixing food and bedpan emptying.  I didn’t cheat on any of those things!  I did them right.  I finished each job perfectly. 

I don’t get a prize for that….. (sad) And although, somewhere in there, I know my mother appreciates it all…..  I don’t even get paid……(sighs)

(Thinking, now happy)  But ….Genius!

The word resonates in my brain!

It even allows me the chance to go to sleep like a baby, with thepleasant washing of that in my ears......G...e....n...i...u....s.....

Like Madame Curie!  Like Albert Einstein!  Like..... Lady Gaga!

                 (Back to reality) 

So if all of you want to (very sarcastic) want to ...play fair.  Go ahead.

Be merely....... impressive.  

                (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Me....I will be a ...say it with me......Genius!  (gets everyone to say genius)  Genius!  GENIUS!

                (She smiles and walks off happy)