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A New Movement (for the Senior Channel)
(A man walks out onstage, he is waving his hands, very excited)
Hello everyone in Senior Channel Land! I am here today because this is the beginning of a new age - and I welcome everyone to join my new movement - which is something anyone and everyone can join!
Why? Because we all need to!
Why do we need to?
Because we will die without this movement......my new movement is called......THE BOWEL MOVEMENT!
Yes, that's right, we all are members whether we want to join officially - why am I starting this? Because yesterday, I was surfing the Internet and found my favorite channel to listen to classical music, and when I clicked on my Beethoven selection.....Beethoven's Kreutzer's Sonata.....one of the most beautiful pieces of music in the entire history of man.....
(He moves as if listening to the music)
........and there, before the music started, in fact, before I could HEAR the music, is a young woman, rather attractive, sitting on a toilet, telling me that if I use a new product, Re-laxative, I, too, could poo happy! Those were her exact words! (Imitates her) Be poo happy!
Then, her inspiring words over, the music began and when I listened to the Beethoven, it gave new meaning to the words.....'second movement'
So, with that in mind - even though I am thinking of using bleach on my brain - I decided if I can't avoid 'em, I'm just gonna join 'em!
I even have a banner......
(He goes to the back and pulls out a banner made of....toilet paper)
Wave our poo pennant proudly!
Let's forget all sense of any type of gentility! Who cares if we are eating dinner when someone shows graphic pictures of vaginal mesh and enlarged male breast tissue!
Or we get to see women dancing around telling us that (disgusted) 'Pee happens?'
Forget about walking on the wild side.....how about embracing the earthy side of life? If you are a 'can do' kind of person, please join my BOWEL MOVEMENT today!
(He turns to leave, stops, looks back, lifts his banner)
Here's pooing at you, baby!
(As he leaves, we hear him making the Bronx cheer. Unfortunately, not the end of bad taste!)