- for a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
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To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 217 by Janet S. Tiger In Defense Of..... Sept. 17, 2014
In Defense of......
(An older woman comes onstage, she is lovingly holding a blanketed object, which she rocks like a child. She has a Southern accent, and is also dressed in the style of another era)
This is like my baby. I have had real babies, and they were lovely little things. Unfortunately, they grew up to be annoyin adults who do not care about my opinion at all, which is why I am here on this Senior Channel show to tell why the man yesterday should be taken out and shot for his mistreatment of these delightful machines.
(She removes the blanket to reveal, proudly, a smaller vacuum cleaner, which she holds up with pride)
I have always loved vacuum cleaners! When I was a little girl, it was my favorite chore. Of course, I never told my mother that, or she would have never let me vaccum. She was a perverse woman that way. Any sign of pleasure and that was the end of it!
So when she asked me ......(imitates mother),,,,Honora, you get in here an vacuum the living toom, and you do it right now!
(As a child, whining) Momma, you know I hate to vacuum! Worse than anythin in the whole wide world! Please Momma, let me do the dishes - or fold the wash!
(As herself) I hated the dishes and barely tolerated the wash!
(As Mother) Honora, do you want me to get out Daddy's belt on you? I gave you an order, you get in here right now!
(She sulks like a child, taking the vacuum cleaner reluctantly)
(Childlike, sulky) All right!
(She looks around, sees her mother is gone, starts smiling and vacuuming with glee)
Ooh, how I loved that old Electrolux! My Momma had bought it from some traveling salesman from an exotic place like New York...or Turkey.....and it had a cannister, and was heavy, but very loud! Loud enough to block out Momma's annoyin voice for a few minutes....how I loved that old thing!
(She wraps her arms around the vacuum, hugging and kissing it)
I took a long time to vacuum so momma never guessed how much I loved the job, and then, the first thing I bought after I was married, was, you guessed it! A brand new vacuum! A Hoover!
Ooh, I have had many vacuums since then, loved them all, some more than others, but the great thing about vacuums is...they all suck....up the dirt! And they are good at it! It's way better than any broom! And this one.....
(She holds up the vacuum in her arms)
This is my favorite so far! You know why?
(Ecstatic) Because it can do a three-way!
That's right, it can be on the floor......
(She illustrates)
Or standing upright......like an electric broom.......
(She removes the rollers and rolls it around)
Or my favorite!
(She takes off the handle and holds it close)
You can do it ......by hand!
(She laughs, then sighs)
So I hope that horrid British man is locked up for mistreatment of house machines!
So, in defense of my wonderful cleaner....I say....life does not exist in a vacuum!
(She starts to walk off, stops, turns back)
And life is much better with one!
(She wraps the vacuum up lovingly and walks off. Not the end of a love affair with vacuums.)
In Defense of......
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(An older woman comes onstage, she is lovingly holding a blanketed object, which she rocks like a child. She has a Southern accent, and is also dressed in the style of another era)
This is like my baby. I have had real babies, and they were lovely little things. Unfortunately, they grew up to be annoyin adults who do not care about my opinion at all, which is why I am here on this Senior Channel show to tell why the man yesterday should be taken out and shot for his mistreatment of these delightful machines.
(She removes the blanket to reveal, proudly, a smaller vacuum cleaner, which she holds up with pride)
I have always loved vacuum cleaners! When I was a little girl, it was my favorite chore. Of course, I never told my mother that, or she would have never let me vaccum. She was a perverse woman that way. Any sign of pleasure and that was the end of it!
So when she asked me ......(imitates mother),,,,Honora, you get in here an vacuum the living toom, and you do it right now!
(As a child, whining) Momma, you know I hate to vacuum! Worse than anythin in the whole wide world! Please Momma, let me do the dishes - or fold the wash!
(As herself) I hated the dishes and barely tolerated the wash!
(As Mother) Honora, do you want me to get out Daddy's belt on you? I gave you an order, you get in here right now!
(She sulks like a child, taking the vacuum cleaner reluctantly)
(Childlike, sulky) All right!
(She looks around, sees her mother is gone, starts smiling and vacuuming with glee)
Ooh, how I loved that old Electrolux! My Momma had bought it from some traveling salesman from an exotic place like New York...or Turkey.....and it had a cannister, and was heavy, but very loud! Loud enough to block out Momma's annoyin voice for a few minutes....how I loved that old thing!
(She wraps her arms around the vacuum, hugging and kissing it)
I took a long time to vacuum so momma never guessed how much I loved the job, and then, the first thing I bought after I was married, was, you guessed it! A brand new vacuum! A Hoover!
Ooh, I have had many vacuums since then, loved them all, some more than others, but the great thing about vacuums is...they all suck....up the dirt! And they are good at it! It's way better than any broom! And this one.....
(She holds up the vacuum in her arms)
This is my favorite so far! You know why?
(Ecstatic) Because it can do a three-way!
That's right, it can be on the floor......
(She illustrates)
Or standing upright......like an electric broom.......
(She removes the rollers and rolls it around)
Or my favorite!
(She takes off the handle and holds it close)
You can do it ......by hand!
(She laughs, then sighs)
So I hope that horrid British man is locked up for mistreatment of house machines!
So, in defense of my wonderful cleaner....I say....life does not exist in a vacuum!
(She starts to walk off, stops, turns back)
And life is much better with one!
(She wraps the vacuum up lovingly and walks off. Not the end of a love affair with vacuums.)
--------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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