- for a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
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To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
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Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 216 by Janet S. Tiger Death By.... Sept. 16, 2014
Death By.....
Death By.....
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(The
detective enters, well dressed in his Sherlock hat and a magnifying glass...and
a British accent. He carries a vacuum cleaner, that has a pair of
handcuffs on it.)
My dear ladies and gentlemen of the Senior Channel. It
is my pleasure to reveal to you who murdered our dear friend, Mr. Murgatroyd.
I have here the unusual suspect, a highly annoying vacuum
cleaner. If you notice, I have handcuffed the beast to avoid another
untimely death.
But now, I will show how this dastardly machine was the
perpetrator of the evil deed resulting in Mr. Murgatroyd's demise.
(He proceeds to remove the handcuffs)
I will unlock the cuffs, but please stand back as I do not
trust this...this thing! ...to be humane, as it is not human, therefore
it probably does not know right from wrong......
(He plugs in the plug)
Watch how the supposedly helpful utensil sits quietly,
waiting for the opportunity to strike. I suggest that is exactly how the
previous murder began.
(He turns on the
switch. The vacuum moves slightly, he vacuums a bit)
There, it looks normal, but I believe that inside the tiny
brain is the mind of.....a murderer.
(He faces the
vacuum, getting into its face)
You cannot hide from me! I know exactly how your mind
works, how you sat in the room, in the broom closet, which you would like
renamed in your honor as the vacuum closet because you work so much more!
But NO! The broom closet it remains, and you start to become angry,
even.....dare I say it? Hateful!
(The vacuum starts
to move in an odd manner)
There! You saw it! The look in its glass
eye! The hatred that it cannot hide! I say this machine became
irate, then lost all control......
(At this, the vacuum starts to jump around and the hose becomes lose, starting
to have a mind of its own)
And you did it! You killed him! You strangled
Murgatroyd! And all because of a silly argument, where he kept you
working after something had become stuck in you.....kept you running until
you....SMELLED!
(The
vacuum is furious, is bucking like a horse)
And the rubber on your tiny belt melted and you were placed
in the back of the BROOM CLOSET! Until he took you out....to see if you
could be repaired, and you heard the frightening words.....'time to be put out
for the donation pile' and you snapped.....
(The vacuum hose
wraps itself around the detective's neck, he fights with it)
You killed him! You strangled Murgatroyd! You
plotted and planned and carried out the nefarious deed with malice
aforethought1 And for that you will be.......brought before a jury of
your peers, other vacuum cleaners such as Bissells, Dirt Devils.......Dysons who have led healthy normal lives, and they
will judge if you deserve to be sent to the Goodwill, or put in with other
items to be recycled......or.....my recommendation.....parted out.
(He takes
the hose and wraps it up on its stand, replacing the handcuffs.)
Ladies and gentlemen of the Senior Channel....I rest my
case.
(He takes
the vacuum and starts to leave, then stops and turns back)
And that is why I like to say......Nature....abhors a
vacuum......
(He
exits. The end of one of the oddest monologues I have ever seen, let
alone written)
Note- the actor will have to be totally in tune
with the vacuum cleaner they use – which is why I recommend Hoover vacs. Now if I could just get Hoover to advertise
on my websites…..
--------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
----------------------------------------------
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