Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #503 Real Answers by Janet S. Tiger June 30, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #503 Real Answers by Janet S. Tiger  June 30, 2015

                                                         Real Answers
                                                     (for The Senior Channel)
                                   a monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                       tigerteam1@gmail.com  

           (The woman who enters has a purposeful stride - she is here on a mission.  She stands and looks out at the audience.)
I am here to tell the truth.  About life.  To all the watchers here on the Senior Channel.   I have been listening to that woman who has the De-cluttering show and she answers questions ALL WRONG.  Last week, she got one woman asking (imitates)  'I'm getting older, how to I get rid of all my collections?'  And Miss Professional De-clutter lady told her it was possible!  Well, here is the answer she should have given....

          (She opens up a paper and reads)
 'Dear Wants to Get Rid of Clutter-

You will NEVER get rid of all that stuff!  It is impossible!  For every one thing you give away - five will come in!  Think Little Johnny's crayon picture of an airplane that looks like a grasshopper is tough to throw away?  Wait until little Johnny graduates from high school, and college and all the announcements and photos and then he gets married and has great-grandbaby Tiffany - who now gives you a BEAUTIFUL crayon picture of the monster Cthulu.....see where this is going?  The longer you live, the more stuff you will be getting!

And let's say you die, god forbid, but here's an even more horrific thought -
even when they put you in the ground, they will send off a bunch of crap with you in the coffin.  You would not believe what gets tucked under grandma when you've got your face turned!

Getting burned and urned?  If they scatter your ashes, you become - Earth clutter!

Bequeathing that urn to your loved ones - if you have any left after leaving them all that clutter! - it becomes the clutter of death!

No....You will never de-clutter!  Never! Never! Never!'

And that is the truth.....

            (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Have a nice day!

            (She exits - to the real world of neverending clutter)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83