first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #486 by Janet S. Tiger June 13, 2015
Monologue Mania Day #486 by Janet S. Tiger June 13, 2015
The Banana Situation
(for Two Sisters previous Day # 468)
(Not) A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights
reserved 2015
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(Pam and Lynn are on their respective phones, Pam in her home, Lynn in hers)
PAM - Lynn, I'm on my way to Daddy's, is there anything else I need to remember for today?
LYNN - (Hesitant) Well......
PAM - Speak up, you know I can't hear you when you mumble into your phone!
LYNN - You didn't miss much, I just said.....'well'....
PAM - Now that we have that solved, is there anything else I need to remember for Daddy? You always forget to tell me something important, and then it looks like I forgot! If I didn't know better, I'd think you did it on purpose....
LYNN- (Getting annoyed) You know I have a lot on my mind, and I do my best, and sometimes you just don't want to hear what I am saying!
PAM- I knew it! You want me to bring him something! Something I don't want to bring!
LYNN- You guessed it! That's why I was a bit hesitant asking if you would please bring him a ....
PAM - What? A WHAT?
(Lynn is holding back)
PAM -- Oh, my God, you want me to bring him some fruit don't you? I knew it!
LYNN - Just a couple of bananas...that's all!
PAM - That's all? That's ALL? You know how I hate all fruit! And especially bananas!
LYNN - (Quickly) I know! I know! That's why I didn't want to ask you....but.....but...
PAM - But what? How did this banana situation happen? Did you forget to bring him bananas when you were there yesterday?
LYNN - No! I always remember to bring him fruit! I do not have the insane hatred of fruit that you do! I brought him the bananas....but...
PAM - But what? Spit it out! Not the bananas please, but what?
LYNN - He ate both of them, so he only has one left, and when he eats that today, he won't have any left for his morning cereal, so.....
PAM - (Horrified) So let me get this straight...... you are asking me to do several things involving bananas? You want me to go to the store and choose a banana....
LYNN - Well, two if you can, so if he wants to eat another banana, he'll have it and you know how healthy bananas are....the potassium and all....
PAM - Daddy is 88 years old! One banana more or less will not make a bit of difference to him! That's why they invented vitamins! You are asking me to go to a store where they have an entire display of.....BANANAS! And I will have to pick out a banana, just the correct size and shape and color, and then....(shudders) find a bag, and then bring it to his house! This could take...(calculating)....an hour! And then there's touching ...the banana itself!
LYNN - Maybe you could get a lead-lined bag so that the banana radiation will not leak out and contaminate you....
PAM - Don't make fun of me! You know that a lead lined bag could never stop....the...the SMELL!
LYNN - So what are you saying? That you REFUSE to get Daddy banana? That the smell and touch of the banana are so UPSETTING to you that you will not get your father a banana for his breakfast?
PAM - Whew, I'm glad you understand - sometimes you can be SO difficult, Lynn! And perhaps next time you could think ahead and put a banana into the freezer for emergencies just like this!
LYNN - Bananas do not do well in the freezer....something about the texture...
PAM - Just like me.....Bananas do not do well in the freezer, and I do not do well with bananas.....it's an even exchange....
LYNN- (Sighs deeply) All right, I'll get some bananas and drop them off before you get there.
PAM - Was that so difficult? I swear, Lynn, you just love to make mountains out of molehills, you always did, your whole life......
LYNN - I guess it's like making lemonade out of lemons, right?
PAM - Are you going to start talking about more fruit? I thought we were done with this fruity conversation!
(Lynn starts to laugh now, and it gets louder and turns into coughing)
LYNN - Have to go! Need some water!
PAM- And get that cough checked out! It doesn't sound good!
(Lynn hangs up, coughing 'goodbye' as she exits, Pam looks at the phone)
PAM - I swear ....people just have their priorities all screwed up! Sometimes I think I must be the last sane person on this planet.....
(She sees something flying and jumps)
PAM- I can't believe it! I do not have one piece of fruit in this house, but just talking about fruit and one of those damned fruit flies has appeared! They must be psychic! Come here....
(She takes a towel and runs around trying to swat the fly, stops, looks back)
PAM - Well, maybe not so sane....
(She exits in hot pursuit of the fly. Never the end of those flying suckers!)
Janet S. Tiger
858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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