first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #487 The Banana Situation (revised) by Janet S. Tiger June 14, 2015
Not a lot of changes, but which do you prefer - yesterday's or today's? Thanks!
The Banana Situation
(for Two Sisters )
Another not a monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved
2015
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(Pam and Lynn are on their respective phones, Pam in her home, Lynn in hers)
PAM - Lynn, I'm on my way to
Daddy's, is there anything else I need to remember for today?
LYNN - (Hesitant)
Well......
PAM - Speak up, you know I
can't hear you when you mumble into your phone!
LYNN - You didn't miss much,
I just said.....'well'....
PAM - Now that we have that solved,
is there anything else I need to remember for Daddy? You always forget to
tell me something important, and then it looks like I forgot!
If I didn't know better, I'd think you did it on purpose....
LYNN- (Getting annoyed)
You know I have a lot on my mind, and I do my best, and sometimes you just
don't want to hear what I am saying!
PAM- I knew it! You
want me to bring him something! Something I don't want to bring!
LYNN- You guessed it!
That's why I was a bit hesitant asking if you would please bring him a ....
PAM - What? A WHAT?
(Lynn is holding back)
PAM -- Oh, my God, you want me to
bring him some fruit don't you? I knew it!
LYNN - Just a couple of
bananas...that's all!
PAM - That's all? That's
ALL? You know how I hate all fruit! And especially bananas!
LYNN - (Quickly) I
know! I know! That's why I didn't want to ask you....but.....but...
PAM - But what? How did
this happen? Did you forget to bring him bananas when you were there
yesterday?
LYNN - No! I always remember
to bring him fruit! I do not have the insane hatred of fruit that you
do! I brought him the bananas....but...
PAM - But what? Spit it
out! Not the bananas please, but what?
LYNN - He ate both of them,
so he only has one left, and when he eats that today, he won't have any left
for his morning cereal, so.....
PAM - (Horrified) So
let me get this straight...... you are asking me to do several things involving
bananas? You want me to go to the store and choose a banana....
LYNN - Well, two if you can, so if
he wants to eat another banana, he'll have it and you know how healthy bananas
are....the potassium and all....
PAM - Daddy is 88 years
old! One banana more or less will not make a bit of difference to
him! That's why they invented vitamins! You are asking me to go to
a store where they have an entire display of.....BANANAS! And I will have
to pick out a banana, just the correct size and shape and color, and
then....(shudders) find a bag, and then bring it to his house!
LYNN - Maybe you could get a
lead-lined bag so that the banana radiation will not leak out and contaminate
you....
PAM - Don't make fun of me!
You know that a lead lined bag could never stop....the...the SMELL!
LYNN - So what are you
saying? That you REFUSE to get Daddy banana? That the smell and
touch of the banana are so UPSETTING to you that you will not get your father a
banana for his breakfast?
PAM - Whew, I'm glad you understand
- sometimes you can be SO difficult, Lynn! And perhaps next time you can
put a banana into the freezer for emergencies just like this!
LYNN - Bananas do not do well
in the freezer....something about the texture...
PAM - Just like
me.....Bananas do not do well in the freezer, and I do not do well with
bananas.....it's an even exchange....
LYNN- (Sighs deeply)
All right, I'll get some bananas and drop them off before you get there.
PAM – I hate when you act like a
martyr!
LYNN – What are you complaining
about now? I said I’d bring the bananas!
PAM - It’s not what you said – it’s the way you said it! You make it sound like you have so much to
do….
(Lynn just stares at the phone)
PAM - Well, all right, maybe you do have a lot to
do, but that doesn’t mean you can’t figure out another way than guilting ME
into figuring out what to do?
LYNN - (confounded)
Ah…….
PAM - Maybe I could take Daddy to the store and he
could pick out his bananas himself!
LYNN - And that would get him out of the house……Good
idea, Pam…..
PAM - Now, was that so
difficult? I swear, Lynn, you just love to make mountains out of
molehills, you always did, your whole life......
LYNN - I guess it's like making
lemonade out of lemons, right?
PAM - Are you going to start
talking about more fruit? I thought we were done with this fruity conversation!
(Lynn starts to laugh now, and it gets louder and turns into coughing)
LYNN - Have to go! Need
some water!
PAM- And get that cough
checked out! It doesn't sound good!
(Lynn hangs up, coughing 'goodbye' as she exits, Pam looks at the phone)
PAM - I swear ....people just
have their priorities all screwed up! I think I'm the last sane person on
this planet.....
(She sees something flying and jumps)
PAM- I can't believe
it! I do not have one piece of fruit in this house, but just talking
about fruit and one of those damned fruit flies has appeared! They must
be psychic! Come here....
(She takes a towel and runs around trying to swat the fly, stops, looks back)
PAM - Well, maybe not so sane....
(She exits in hot pursuit of the fly. Never the end of those flying
suckers!)
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Janet S. Tiger
858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-83
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