Saturday, August 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #563 Mining Operation by Janet S. Tiger Aug. 29, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #563 Mining Operation by Janet S. Tiger  Aug. 29, 2015

           From a true story!

                            Mining Operation
                                       A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                             © 2015 all rights reserved
          (The man is nicely dressed, walks over to a table which has a phone.  He attaches a headpiece and opens a book with many looseleaf pages.  He starts to dial - his accent is very Indian, because he is Indian.)
Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house.....
          (He jumps back, then looks at a page and dials)
Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house.....
          (He nods, looks at the page and dials)
Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house.....(happy)  Hello!  My name is Tommy, and I am calling from the United Health Legal Service, and we are trying to find the ladies who have had operations which involved the vaginal mesh or vaginal sling......
         (He jumps back, this hang-up was loud, and looks at a number, brightens, dials again)
(Faster)  Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house about a very serious medical problem! My name is Tommy....(Quickly) Please do not hang up! .....I am calling from the United Health Legal Service We want to help you!  We do not want to sell anything to you!  PLEASE DO NOT HANG UP!  (Deep breath)  Thank you very much.  I just want to you know that our company is looking to help all ladies who have had trouble with their surgeries.....have you ever had an operation which involved......what?  No, I am not selling anything to you, we want to give you, I cannot send you money on the phone, I need to find ladies who had a, I do not get money from a lawsuit, I just get money to make these phone calls, so I can save up to come to your, I am not married.....I am looking to find a nice lady to marry one day, but please, I need to ask you the questions.......thank you, I think I am sound like a nice lady.....have you ever had an operation....are you sure? perhaps you have forgotten....please think!, I have not had any operations.....have you ever......well, yes, your name is on our list and I may have called before......I have to keep calling.....
          (He looks around)
.......they will kill me if I do not call enough names every day!  So I know you told me not to call you again, but if I do not make enough calls, it is very bad......ok, no they will not kill me, but even worse, I would have to work for the department that answers calls for the medical insurance!  That is like a living hell!  Even worse than this!  In the insurance, all you get to say is 'thank you for calling, I will be happy to help you' then you listen and you say, 'I will get back to you in just a moment, please hold' and then you hang is very mean......I do not want to go back to that department!  Please help me!  Have you ever had any operations?  Maybe I could help you remember?  They can make good money for you, and I get to keep working here! 
Please do not hang up!  I like talking to you!  You sound nice!  Are you married? 
         (Listens, holds earpiece away from ear, rubs his ear, puts earpiece back gingerly, takes it away, finally he hears it is quieter)
Thank you for sharing.  I understand you are upset and you want never to be called.  I will definitely remove you from my list.  It makes me very sad, I have enjoyed calling you these last few weeks, yes it was always, I promise never to call again........before you hang you have any friends who might have had any operations?
         (He pulls earpiece away, nods his head sadly)
Oh well, that's the way it goes.
        (He takes out a pen and goes to the sheet of paper.)
Do not call.....for at least three weeks.....
         (As lights fade, we hear)
Hello, may I please speak to the woman of the house?
        (Blackout.  Unfortunately, never the end of these calls!)
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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