Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!
Today is Day # 1429! To look at the other 1428 titles - click here
Today is Day # 1429! To look at the other 1428 titles - click here
first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015 second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today!
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Monologue Mania Day # 1429 The Assistant (For Crime) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 12, 2018
The Assistant
(For Crime)
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved tigerteam1@gmail.com
(The assistant is seen, surrounded by paper, boxes)
ASSISTANT - A day that changes your life.
Bertha had that more than once. Her children, killed by a drunk driver. Her husband dies of cancer. And then, her last day on earth. What was it like? Did she have a hint? I mean, the man who killed her had stayed with her for weeks.
Did she suspect? Did she care?
(Bertha is seen)
BERTHA - Interesting questions. Did I know? Maybe. Did I care? Maybe not so much. Maybe I figured this was.....something that was part of my life. Those other days, I remember them.
I tried to forget them, but no luck.
Like food that won't digest. Just keeps coming back.
(Sighs) What was he like? That's your job, isn't it?
ASSISTANT - But can't you give me a hint?
BERTHA - I gave you lotsa hints! A whole barn full!
ASSISTANT - So it's a needle in the haystack I'm looking for.....
BERTHA - Maybe....maybe my job was being nice to this man, this killer, so that he left some clue behind, so you can find him, and put him where he can't kill anymore.......
ASSISTANT - I think we would've liked each other, Bertha.
BERTHA - 'S long as you washed your hands and said your prayers, I like just about everybody.....
ASSISTANT - I imagine you do. Not me. I like ....dead people. No surprises.
BERTHA - Really?
ASSISTANT - Well, maybe that's not accurate......I like my family, but.....I guess I always liked the mystery where people can't argue.
BERTHA - So, you get to put words in their mouths?
ASSISTANT - More like, I get to figure out those words.....and what happened. What happened, Bertha?
(Bertha turns to a man standing to one side, he's smoking)
BERTHA - I dunno, why'd you kill me?
MAN - I dunno, I guess, you got on my nerves.
BERTHA - Sorry, I thought you liked my pie.
MAN - (Honest) Oh, I liked your pie, okay! It was good pie! If you hadn't been so nice, I never woulda stayed so long......I woulda killed ya right away. But you reminded me of my ma. She made good pie. And she always told me to wash my hands......
BERTHA - Did you kill your ma?
MAN - Nah, my Dad did. One day, he took her out to the woods. I heard the shot. He told us she left, but I knew. That's why it didn't matter much when I killed him, ya see? It's easy to kill people, ya know? I guess you could call it a family tradition. And then it got to be a habit......
(Lights down. End of scene)
(For Crime)
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved tigerteam1@gmail.com
(The assistant is seen, surrounded by paper, boxes)
ASSISTANT - A day that changes your life.
Bertha had that more than once. Her children, killed by a drunk driver. Her husband dies of cancer. And then, her last day on earth. What was it like? Did she have a hint? I mean, the man who killed her had stayed with her for weeks.
Did she suspect? Did she care?
(Bertha is seen)
BERTHA - Interesting questions. Did I know? Maybe. Did I care? Maybe not so much. Maybe I figured this was.....something that was part of my life. Those other days, I remember them.
I tried to forget them, but no luck.
Like food that won't digest. Just keeps coming back.
(Sighs) What was he like? That's your job, isn't it?
ASSISTANT - But can't you give me a hint?
BERTHA - I gave you lotsa hints! A whole barn full!
ASSISTANT - So it's a needle in the haystack I'm looking for.....
BERTHA - Maybe....maybe my job was being nice to this man, this killer, so that he left some clue behind, so you can find him, and put him where he can't kill anymore.......
ASSISTANT - I think we would've liked each other, Bertha.
BERTHA - 'S long as you washed your hands and said your prayers, I like just about everybody.....
ASSISTANT - I imagine you do. Not me. I like ....dead people. No surprises.
BERTHA - Really?
ASSISTANT - Well, maybe that's not accurate......I like my family, but.....I guess I always liked the mystery where people can't argue.
BERTHA - So, you get to put words in their mouths?
ASSISTANT - More like, I get to figure out those words.....and what happened. What happened, Bertha?
(Bertha turns to a man standing to one side, he's smoking)
BERTHA - I dunno, why'd you kill me?
MAN - I dunno, I guess, you got on my nerves.
BERTHA - Sorry, I thought you liked my pie.
MAN - (Honest) Oh, I liked your pie, okay! It was good pie! If you hadn't been so nice, I never woulda stayed so long......I woulda killed ya right away. But you reminded me of my ma. She made good pie. And she always told me to wash my hands......
BERTHA - Did you kill your ma?
MAN - Nah, my Dad did. One day, he took her out to the woods. I heard the shot. He told us she left, but I knew. That's why it didn't matter much when I killed him, ya see? It's easy to kill people, ya know? I guess you could call it a family tradition. And then it got to be a habit......
(Lights down. End of scene)
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* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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