Thursday, May 11, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1183 Not Going Back (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 11, 2017

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Monologue Mania Day # 1183 Not Going Back (for Caregivers Anonymous)  by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 11, 2017  
             
                                               Not Going Back
                                 a monologue by Janet S. Tiger 
                                                (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017

            (The young man who stumbles onstage is obviously in bad shape.  He takes the wheelchair and sits in it heavily.  This is Eric and he is shaking.)

 My turn.  I don't care if it's somebody else's turn, it's my turn.  Because this is my last time here.  I quit.  I'm not going back.  I can't do it anymore.  I won't do it anymore.....

I don't care what you say all the time, that someone here has seen it worse....but.....I tell you, I'm not going back!  Ever.

(Listens)   When exactly did I leave?

 (Slow)  I'm not sure, it's been....awhile......I know that, all I wanted to do was go to the 7/11, get me a soda, nice and cold.


or maybe......one of those Slurpees that makes your brain freeze.....

(Thinking)  But..... it doesn't matter what I like.  I got soda in the fridge, but......Heather, her name is Heather, she works there and she's nice, and she's pretty, and she talks to me like I matter, not like I'm some jerk.....

        (He gets out of the chair and starts to walk around, relive the day)

 And I went to get me a soda.... and she was there, and we talked, and I just never went back.....I just don't ever wanna go back!

(Reliving it)  It was about 10 am, he was watching some old TV show he's seen a million times.....and I left him with his water, and bag of chips......and I'm not going back....

I know it's been all day, but....I've been doing this for seven years now, since my Dad had the accident, and I can't take it anymore!

 There's no point in calling!  No use!  What's the point in doing all this when people only die?  No matter what I do he's gonna die!

      (Eric drops his head...breaking down)  There's no point in going back....because... he's dead......

       (He waves away the others with his hands)


ERIC -  I don't want pity!

Don't worry...... I didn't kill him.....but i was only gone about twenty minutes, maybe thirty, all right, I talked to Heather for an hour!  Aren't I allowed to talk to a girl once in awhile?  Why is it a crime?  Did I kill him by talking to her?  I went back and I knew something was wrong as soon as I got outta the car.  Buddy - that's my dog - he's a German shepherd, I've had him since he got him from the shelter, when my Dad was just outta the hospital, to keep him company.

Dad and Buddy were like best friends....and I loved Buddy like a ....like brother almost, a brother I never had.....the three of us, we were like, I dunno, the avengers!  And then I heard Buddy was barking and I ran in and.....I got to the living room and .....he was just there.....slumped down a little in the chair, and I knew....I knew ...he was gone......and.....I touched him and he was cold......really cold.....(laughs)  funny, I listened for a heartbeat, and when I didn't hear one.......so I...I put on the blood pressure cuff.....Did you know that a dead body does not have a blood pressure?  Forget about a pulse!  I mean, he was really dead!

And then this incredible sensation washed over me......it was something I never thought I'd feel.  I mean, I had thought about this happening, even, I hate to say it, even hoped for it......but I never thought that it would be a....a sensation....of relief !    I mean, I loved my old man, but.....it was like I was free! 

        (He stands there and laughs for a moment, the absurdity hitting him)

And then......I thought....what do I do?  Do I call 911?  That'll just be a waste of money.....and the thought of them pounding at him while he was dead....I've seen that one time in the hospital....in the next bed in the ER - they worked for an hour on some homeless guy, and it was awful to watch.....and then.....(he is horrified and sad at the same time)  ....I heard Buddy ...I had left the front door open when I came home, and Buddy ran out......and that's what I've been doin' for the last eight hours....looking for my dog.......and I found him....he hadn't gone far.....just down the street.....he was in the bushes......and he was dead, too.....

       (He collapses now, this is too much)

He'd been hit by a car, he wasn't a young dog, so I guess he just had enough strength to get off the street.....and he must've just limped onto a soft place.........and I can't even......(he doubles over in pain)

But you don't understand  - 
 I hate myself for thinking this.....! I think...I think I'm gonna miss Buddy more.....

           (Lights down.  End of scene)
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First posted Monologue Mania Day #444  Not Going Back by Janet S. Tiger  May 2, 2015   as a part of the play with two characters speaking)
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Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8