Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1175 Hell-bent by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 3, 2017

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Monologue Mania Day # 1175 Hell-bent by Janet S. Tiger (c) May 3, 2017          
                    ©Janet S. Tiger 2017 all rights reserved

            (Older man enters, he peers into the crowd)

Senior Channel - never thought I'd be on this myself, but after I told all my friends what happened, they insisted I come on and share.

You see, what happened was this, and it's all true.  I woke up one morning, and I was in hell.

You heard me, hell.  Like very hot.  Very VERY hot.  I'm 91, so I know, I'm in hell.

And I was sweating, and I was thinking, boy, I knew I did some things, but I didn't think they were so bad.  I mean, I did not tell the IRS when I won money in Vegas.  So, shoot me!  Okay, maybe not shoot me, but you don't have to melt me either!

And OK, maybe when my neighbor's wife walked around in her underwear, I looked, but I never had an affair with her, so hey, I'm normal, and if she didn't want anyone to look, she could have closed those curtains, right?

But these aren't the biggies, are they?  No murder, no big theft, no selling drugs to schoolchildren, I led a pretty quiet life.  So why do I deserve....hell?

          (Listens, waves his hands)

Okay, okay, I'm getting there!  So I wake up, it's boiling hot!  I mean I was melting!  And I think, if this is hell, maybe I got a good room because it looks just like my old bedroom.  Down to the last ripped pillowcase and the kleenexes on the floor, which, I wondered, had not burned up.

And there I was, in my regular pjs, and I notice, unlike the visions of hell, there was no fire, but the sun was bright and I saw my trusty thermometer from my grandson, Burton, well, it was 82 outside, and 95 inside.....and the heater was blasting!  What kind of a hell was this?

So I go to the living room, and the heater is on, and the damned needle thingy won't turn off the damned heater!  And that's why it was so hot!  So that's my story, and if you don't like it.....I don't care......all I can say is 'go to hell'!

      (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Not too many people can say, I went to hell, and I lived to tell!

       (He exits - but not to hell!)

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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