Saturday, October 17, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #613 613 Commandments by Janet S. Tiger Oct. 17, 2015

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                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #613  613 Commandments by Janet S. Tiger  Oct. 17, 2015

       Because this is the 613th day of this blog, I am dedicating this monologue to the God-given commandments.  For the earlier God monologue, see Day # 379.

                                       a monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                           © all rights reserved

                 (God comes out onstage.  The actor can represent this in any way they would like.  God is  holding a bag)

I am back here on the Senior Channel because I wanted to clear up a few issues.  As before, each of you will see me as you see me in your own minds and let's not argue about the color of my shoes this time!  Some of those tweets were downright rude, and I can still send out a few lightning bolts if I want to, so cut it out, atheistcrazy in Oregon!

Getting back to the issue today....

What's in a name?  What's in a number?

Why 613?  I have no idea.  And I'm God, so if I don't know, nobody does!

What I do want to clarify is something that people seem to get confused a lot.

           (Takes some books out of the bag holds them up to the audience)

Parenting manuals.  Dr. Spock....and all the others books that supposedly tell parents how to raise children.

          (He throws the books on the ground, jumps on them, then takes another book out of the bag)

I say, come back here to the source!  God, the father!  Or, more accurately, God, the parent.

The original guide for parents has always been.....and I intended it that way!......the Bible.

You heard me....the Bible.

Think about it, folks.  I gave my children.....that's right all of you....but first, Adam and Eve......a beautiful, perfect place to live.  Eden.  Good name, too.

No problems.  All the healthy nutritious food they could eat.  No worry about name brand clothing because who needs clothes in a perfect temperature!  And all I asked was something very tiny, so miniscule that I was almost embarrassed to ask......don't eat the apples off the Tree of Knowledge.

How much easier could it have been?  No.....'stop watching too much TV', no 'you can't have another French fry'......because there was no TV, no French fries!

Could I help it if I went a bit overboard on the punishment?  What parent doesn't want to protect his offspring from the loss of innocence?

So I said I'd kill them if they ate from the tree....what parent hasn't made empty threats?

But what happens?  Children LOVE to make trouble. They LOVE to argue with their parents!  I never told them not to put beans up their noses, so they didn't do that.....but the apple!  That they couldn't resist!

And friends, I warned them about that snake, always hanging around whispering into their ears, trying to get them to smoke and take rides on that motorcycle....wait, that was later, but you get the gist - and you know what happened.

They ate the apple.  And I...I might have overreacted a little bit.  Obviously, I didn't kill them, but the loss of innocence means the loss of a lot the whole birth routine, and sweat of the brow.  Had to do something to show I meant business!

Then came the rest of the gang......a bunch of crazies!  Murderers and liars and cheaters.....and of course, some wonderful ones to fit in......and I love them all.  Irritating, yes....but I wouldn't have changed a minute....well, maybe a minute here and there, but all parents go through what I've been through, so please, when you go to read my book, and I hope you do, please remember its original purpose - a guide for parents.

      (Leans over to listen, nods)

Now the commandments......isn't that obvious?  Doesn't every parent have 613 commandments?  Or rules....whatever the politically correct term is today.  Stand up straight, wipe your feet before you come in the house.....thou shalt not text during dinner........don't cheat on the test, don't steal from the store..... finish your broccoli  ....because there are children starving....and don't  eat that cake....or I'll kill you!  See how easy it is!  A guide for the ages......

      (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

How did the Bible get so long?   Between you and me, the original draft was 36 pages.... but then (shakes his head)......I had a Congressional committee work on it......I'm surprised they got it finished at all!  ......Now if only they could obey some of them.......

       (He exits, shaking his head.....maybe one day....)
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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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