Sunday, October 11, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #607 Finally (Joe's side) by Janet S. Tiger Oct. 11, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day #607   by Janet S. Tiger  Oct. 11, 2015

         For the first part of this play, please see Day # 606
                                            Finally (Joe's side)            
                                        a monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                           © all rights reserved
          (As Elsie - the lady from Day #606 - starts to walk offstage, we see a large man run into the bus station, looking around wildly.  This is Joe, and he is upset.  He sees her and runs over)

JOE - (Slight Italian accent)  Elsie!  Elsie!

            (Elsie looks and is shocked)

ELSIE - Joe!  What're you doing here?

            (He looks surprised)

JOE -  What am I doing here?  Are you crazy?  I come home and what do I find?  No dinner, no nothin'!  Just this note!

           (He opens up a crumpled paper and reads)

JOE -  Dear Joe......I am not a slave.  I am leaving on the 8pm bus to Vermont to visit mother,  Have a nice life, Love, Elsie!  What the hell kind of letter is that?

ELSIE -  That's funny - I thought it was perfectly clear!

JOE -  Come on!  I mean, what are you doing here?

          (He indicates the station)

ELSIE -  Waiting for the bus.  That was in the note, right here....

           (She points to the paper)

ELSIE -  And I am wishing you a nice life.  Everyone wants a nice life, so I'm wishing you one.  Again, very clear......

JOE -  We're married, for God's sake!  I'm your husband!  We got married before a priest!

ELSIE -  So?

JOE -  So I don't wanna divorce!

ELSIE -  That's okay with me, you can have your waitresses, there's a cute one now, Darlene I think her name is......

JOE -  I don't want a waitress, baby, I want you!

ELSIE -  You mean you want my pork chops.

JOE -  Don't do that!  I'm so hungry!  I haven't had anything since lunch!

ELSIE -  So it is the pork chops!

JOE -  You know I love your pork chops, baby!  And your meat loaf!  Your meat loaf is like heaven!  So soft, it just melts in your mouth!  And when I put it on the menu, sales went up 30 % the first month!  You can't leave!

ELSIE -  That's just silly, of course I can.  And I am!  And I would appreciate it if you would let me go in peace, my bus is leaving in a few minutes....

JOE -  I don't get it!  Did we have a fight and I forgot?  Was I asleep?  What's the problem?

ELSIE -  The problem is that you don't know there's a problem.

JOE -  (Thinks)  That's a big help.  Are you mad about somethin'?  Did I forget to put gas in the car?  Is the toilet running?  I thought I fixed it!

ELSIE -  Yes, you fixed the toilet, and no you did not forget the gas......this is

JOE -  Yeah, you're going to visit your Mom, but honey, she's been dead for ten years!

ELSIE -  I know that, I never said I was going to stay with her, just to her at the cemetery a bit......but the main thing is....the trip.

JOE -  If you wanna visit your mom's grave, why not take a plane?  You'll be there tomorrow!  Not in a week!

ELSIE -  I didn't say I wanted to get there fast....I want to travel.  When I was 17....

JOE -  Aw, not this story again!

ELSIE -  And there we have the problem...

        (She turns to walk away)

JOE - Okay, okay, I got it, it's something about the trip.....

ELSIE -  What exactly?

JOE -  (Still a bit puzzled)  You wanted to go on a trip when you were 17, couldn't.....right?

ELSIE -  Yes, and when we got married, you said we could travel, but in five years, we have only gone on three trips, not one of them just for us.....

JOE -  What about our honeymoon?

ELSIE -  That was three days in Las Vegas!

JOE -  But it was fun, wasn't it?

         (In spite of herself, she smiles)

JOE -  And you didn't end up pregnant, even though we tried, right?

ELSIE -  (Blushing)  Joe!  Okay, we went to Las Vegas, but since then, all we did was visit your children and my children.....

JOE -  (Puzzled)  I thought you liked seeing the grandkids!

ELSIE - I do, but I want to see....more!  And you promised!  And every time I reminded you all you say is......'soon'  Well, when you're 85, you don't want to wait for 'soon' - you want things 'now' because if you've ever learned anything, it's that sooner is sometimes too late.......So I'm going......I left some pork chops in the freezer.....with the restaurant, I doubt if you'll starve....and if you don't want a divorce, that's fine, we can stay married in name only, there's no money problem because my son and your friend...our attorneys -took care of all the details with those pre-nups.....we don't have to pretend any can go your way....the way of the eternal pork chop....and going to be free for the first time in my life!.....because I am on the road......for the first time in my life!

        (There is an announcement and she listens, smiles)

ELSIE -  That's the last call, ..have to go!  .if some young thing hasn't got the front yet......  I want to get a good seat near the driver.

        (He takes her arm, she looks at him, he drops his hand)

JOE -  I never knew....this meant so much...

ELSIE -  Maybe if I'd spelled it out in pork chops.....

JOE -  Maybe......and I never knew the pre-nup meant so much....maybe I should've told you...

ELSIE -  Told me what?

JOE - (Embarrassed)  I never liked it, so.....after we got back from our honeymoon, I went to Gary's office and......I tore it up....

ELSIE - What?

JOE -  I wanted it to be a surprise, when I died, a present for kids have plenty, this would be for you....

ELSIE - (She is touched)  And you did this.....years ago?

JOE -  I love you Elsie....I have for years....when you and your husband would come in to eat, I tried to time it, so I would be there, so I could get a hug from you.........especially after Helen you know, started with the Alzheimer's......I lived for that hug......

ELSIE -  (Quiet)  So did I....

JOE -  What?  You know I can't hear in this ear.....

ELSIE -  You heard me.....I did I.

          (He touches her shoulder and she leans in, he smiles)

ELSIE -  I still love you, Joe.....

JOE -  And I love you...

ELSIE -  But I'm getting on the bus......

         (She pulls away and he watches her.  She turns to wave)

ELSIE -  Take care of yourself.....

JOE -  You, too....

          (She exits to get on the bus, he goes in the other direction, starts to run, comes back in a rush with a bag)

JOE -  Wait for me!

          (Elsie has seen him coming and meets him - her luggage is already on the bus)

ELSIE -  What're you doing?

JOE -  I'm coming with you, but I had to get something to eat!

ELSIE -  Oh, my God!   Well, hurry!

         (They move quickly to catch the bus, but Elsie stops to look at him)

ELSIE -  What're you going to do for clothing....and everything?

JOE -  I've got my everything....right here...

        (He hugs her)

JOE -  And I can wear the same pants for a few days - as long as I have something to eat!

         (They laugh and head off to the future.  Blackout)

           The end, but the beginning of the trip!

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

1 comment:

Jennifer Silva Redmond said...

These two make a perfect one act play!