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Monologue Mania Day #607 by Janet S. Tiger Oct. 11, 2015
For the first part of this play, please see Day # 606
Finally (Joe's side)
a monologue by Janet S. Tiger© all rights reserved
(As Elsie - the lady from Day #606 - starts to walk offstage, we see a large man run into the bus station, looking around wildly. This is Joe, and he is upset. He sees her and runs over)
JOE - (Slight Italian accent) Elsie! Elsie!
(Elsie looks and is shocked)
ELSIE - Joe! What're you doing here?
(He looks surprised)
JOE - What am I doing here? Are you crazy? I come home and what do I find? No dinner, no nothin'! Just this note!
(He opens up a crumpled paper and reads)
JOE - Dear Joe......I am not a slave. I am leaving on the 8pm bus to Vermont to visit mother, Have a nice life, Love, Elsie! What the hell kind of letter is that?
ELSIE - That's funny - I thought it was perfectly clear!
JOE - Come on! I mean, what are you doing here?
(He indicates the station)
ELSIE - Waiting for the bus. That was in the note, right here....
(She points to the paper)
ELSIE - And I am wishing you a nice life. Everyone wants a nice life, so I'm wishing you one. Again, very clear......
JOE - We're married, for God's sake! I'm your husband! We got married before a priest!
ELSIE - So?
JOE - So I don't wanna divorce!
ELSIE - That's okay with me, you can have your waitresses, there's a cute one now, Darlene I think her name is......
JOE - I don't want a waitress, baby, I want you!
ELSIE - You mean you want my pork chops.
JOE - Don't do that! I'm so hungry! I haven't had anything since lunch!
ELSIE - So it is the pork chops!
JOE - You know I love your pork chops, baby! And your meat loaf! Your meat loaf is like heaven! So soft, it just melts in your mouth! And when I put it on the menu, sales went up 30 % the first month! You can't leave!
ELSIE - That's just silly, of course I can. And I am! And I would appreciate it if you would let me go in peace, my bus is leaving in a few minutes....
JOE - I don't get it! Did we have a fight and I forgot? Was I asleep? What's the problem?
ELSIE - The problem is that you don't know there's a problem.
JOE - (Thinks) That's a big help. Are you mad about somethin'? Did I forget to put gas in the car? Is the toilet running? I thought I fixed it!
ELSIE - Yes, you fixed the toilet, and no you did not forget the gas......this is about....travel.
JOE - Yeah, you're going to visit your Mom, but honey, she's been dead for ten years!
ELSIE - I know that, I never said I was going to stay with her, just visit......talk to her at the cemetery a bit......but the main thing is....the trip.
JOE - If you wanna visit your mom's grave, why not take a plane? You'll be there tomorrow! Not in a week!
ELSIE - I didn't say I wanted to get there fast....I want to travel. When I was 17....
JOE - Aw, not this story again!
ELSIE - And there we have the problem...
(She turns to walk away)
JOE - Okay, okay, I got it, it's something about the trip.....
ELSIE - What exactly?
JOE - (Still a bit puzzled) You wanted to go on a trip when you were 17, but.....you couldn't.....right?
ELSIE - Yes, and when we got married, you said we could travel, but in five years, we have only gone on three trips, not one of them just for us.....
JOE - What about our honeymoon?
ELSIE - That was three days in Las Vegas!
JOE - But it was fun, wasn't it?
(In spite of herself, she smiles)
JOE - And you didn't end up pregnant, even though we tried, right?
ELSIE - (Blushing) Joe! Okay, we went to Las Vegas, but since then, all we did was visit your children and my children.....
JOE - (Puzzled) I thought you liked seeing the grandkids!
ELSIE - I do, but I want to see....more! And you promised! And every time I reminded you all you say is......'soon' Well, when you're 85, you don't want to wait for 'soon' - you want things 'now' because if you've ever learned anything, it's that sooner is sometimes too late.......So I'm going......I left some pork chops in the freezer.....with the restaurant, I doubt if you'll starve....and if you don't want a divorce, that's fine, we can stay married in name only, there's no money problem because my son and your friend...our attorneys -took care of all the details with those pre-nups.....we don't have to pretend any more......you can go your way....the way of the eternal pork chop....and I....am going to be free for the first time in my life!.....because I am on the road......for the first time in my life!
(There is an announcement and she listens, smiles)
ELSIE - That's the last call, ..have to go! .if some young thing hasn't got the front yet...... I want to get a good seat near the driver.
(He takes her arm, she looks at him, he drops his hand)
JOE - I never knew....this meant so much...
ELSIE - Maybe if I'd spelled it out in pork chops.....
JOE - Maybe......and I never knew the pre-nup meant so much....maybe I should've told you...
ELSIE - Told me what?
JOE - (Embarrassed) I never liked it, so.....after we got back from our honeymoon, I went to Gary's office and......I tore it up....
ELSIE - What?
JOE - I wanted it to be a surprise, when I died, a present for you......my kids have plenty, this would be for you....
ELSIE - (She is touched) And you did this.....years ago?
JOE - I love you Elsie....I have for years....when you and your husband would come in to eat, I tried to time it, so I would be there, so I could get a hug from you.........especially after Helen you know, started with the Alzheimer's......I lived for that hug......
ELSIE - (Quiet) So did I....
JOE - What? You know I can't hear in this ear.....
ELSIE - You heard me.....I said.....so did I.
(He touches her shoulder and she leans in, he smiles)
ELSIE - I still love you, Joe.....
JOE - And I love you...
ELSIE - But I'm getting on the bus......
(She pulls away and he watches her. She turns to wave)
ELSIE - Take care of yourself.....
JOE - You, too....
(She exits to get on the bus, he goes in the other direction, starts to run, comes back in a rush with a bag)
JOE - Wait for me!
(Elsie has seen him coming and meets him - her luggage is already on the bus)
ELSIE - What're you doing?
JOE - I'm coming with you, but I had to get something to eat!
ELSIE - Oh, my God! Well, hurry!
(They move quickly to catch the bus, but Elsie stops to look at him)
ELSIE - What're you going to do for clothing....and everything?
JOE - I've got my everything....right here...
(He hugs her)
JOE - And I can wear the same pants for a few days - as long as I have something to eat!
(They laugh and head off to the future. Blackout)
The end, but the beginning of the trip!
--------------------------------Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8