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Monologue Mania Day # Halloweenie 1695 (for Halloween) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Oct. 7, 2018
(Part of the countdown for Halloween - only this is..... the real scary stuff)
(Part of the countdown for Halloween - only this is..... the real scary stuff)
Halloweenie
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(The same older lady comes onstage that we met in Day #260's monologue - NO KETCHUP!
This can be done as a continuation of Day # 260 - or it can stand on its own, with the actress making the most of the physical actions. She is now carrying a paper bag, along with her purse and cane. We can hear her muttering)
No ketchup, no ketchup, there had better be no ketchup.....
(She proceeds to start opening the bag, peering in)
I can't believe it, I actually fell for this ridiculous advertising! Halloweenie! A hot dog just for Halloween....well, if they put on ketchup, they had better be scared, because I'm not gonna be happy....
(She removes the hot dog from its wrapping, it looks big to start, but by the time she actually gets to the hot dog, it is much smaller.)
(Very annoyed) Well, I am not surprised! If it got any smaller I'd need a microscope to find this weenie!
(She goes to take a bite.)
Nothing personal, Mr. Weenie, but you are goin' right back if I see one drop of ketchup!
(She takes a big bite and her face is a mixture of horror and surprise. She opens the bun and stares)
(Sputtering) Amazing! I told them MUSTARD and NO KETCHUP! And they have the gall to put on both mustard AND ketchup! What sacrilege will they dream up next!
(She takes another bite and shakes her head)
And the worst part is......I like it! (Confused) But I also hate change of any kind! Damn them for forcing me to question my own opinion! What a world!
(She stares at the hot dog, shakes her head, then finishes it)
And I am goin' to get another one!
(She reaches into her purse, waves her cane.)
Can you hear me in there you idiots? I want a hot dog, but with mustard AND ketchup! Think you can get it right?
(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)
Talk about a scary Halloween....I may have to even question everything I know, everything I learned in school, maybe even my religious beliefs! (Thinks) Nah......
(She exits and we hear her now saying.....
Trick or treat if I don't get my hot dog with mustard AND ketchup! Mustard AND ketchup! But...NO RELISH! NO RELISH!
(The end. And maybe the end of no ketchup!)
(The same older lady comes onstage that we met in Day #260's monologue - NO KETCHUP!
This can be done as a continuation of Day # 260 - or it can stand on its own, with the actress making the most of the physical actions. She is now carrying a paper bag, along with her purse and cane. We can hear her muttering)
No ketchup, no ketchup, there had better be no ketchup.....
(She proceeds to start opening the bag, peering in)
I can't believe it, I actually fell for this ridiculous advertising! Halloweenie! A hot dog just for Halloween....well, if they put on ketchup, they had better be scared, because I'm not gonna be happy....
(She removes the hot dog from its wrapping, it looks big to start, but by the time she actually gets to the hot dog, it is much smaller.)
(Very annoyed) Well, I am not surprised! If it got any smaller I'd need a microscope to find this weenie!
(She goes to take a bite.)
Nothing personal, Mr. Weenie, but you are goin' right back if I see one drop of ketchup!
(She takes a big bite and her face is a mixture of horror and surprise. She opens the bun and stares)
(Sputtering) Amazing! I told them MUSTARD and NO KETCHUP! And they have the gall to put on both mustard AND ketchup! What sacrilege will they dream up next!
(She takes another bite and shakes her head)
And the worst part is......I like it! (Confused) But I also hate change of any kind! Damn them for forcing me to question my own opinion! What a world!
(She stares at the hot dog, shakes her head, then finishes it)
And I am goin' to get another one!
(She reaches into her purse, waves her cane.)
Can you hear me in there you idiots? I want a hot dog, but with mustard AND ketchup! Think you can get it right?
(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)
Talk about a scary Halloween....I may have to even question everything I know, everything I learned in school, maybe even my religious beliefs! (Thinks) Nah......
(She exits and we hear her now saying.....
Trick or treat if I don't get my hot dog with mustard AND ketchup! Mustard AND ketchup! But...NO RELISH! NO RELISH!
(The end. And maybe the end of no ketchup!)
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First posted - Day# 261 by Janet S. Tiger Halloweenie Oct. 31, 2014
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* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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