Thursday, October 4, 2018

Monologue Mania Day # 1693 Was - Is Not that Scary (for Halloween) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Oct. 5, 2018

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Monologue Mania Day #  1693 Was - Is Not that Scary (for Halloween) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Oct. 5,  2018

        (Continuing yesterday's monologue as part of  the countdown for Halloween - the real scary stuff-  the newer part is below in blue and bold)

                             Was - Is Not That Scary! for Halloween
                                   by Janet S. Tiger   
                                        (c)  2018    all rights reserved

       (We hear the sound of a wheelchair, then see the man in it come onstage.  He is hunched over, stops with his back to the audience, then slowly turns and looks)

HIM - Well this looks like a perfect crowd for Halloween!    

           I've been listening to all the scary stories, but no one comes up with the scariest word of heard me,              the scariest word.  Ok, cancer can be scary, but you know it's bad.  And murder and kidnapping and robbery,              all of those words are just what they sound like because you know what they are - you know to expect              something bad.

           But the scariest word is one that you don't even realize is so bad......

           And the word is......was.

           You got it, was.

           Let me tell you......once you use it, you know it's over.

              (He stands and removes his hat, and underneath we see a young man.)

HIM - I was  young.

        I was good looking...

             (He takes off the robe he has on, showing off his chest in a tight T-shirt)

        I was in good shape.

            (He goes to a member of the audience and smiles)

HIM -  I was able to pick up girls.......and I was able to make them happy.

         I was.......

             (He does a somersault)

HIM - to move!

               (He 'holds' a steering wheel)

HIM -   I was a good driver......

               (He puts on a sailor's hat)

HIM  - I was in the Navy!

              (He takes off the hat, puts on a nice jacket)

HIM -     I was the head of a company......

              I was successful!

              I was a father!....who could remember the names of his children....

               I was.......

               (He sighs and takes the robe, pulls it around him, sits weakly in the chair, young no more)

HIM -  I was all these things.......

           Was.......The scariest word......

                  (He turns to leave in the chair, stops, looks back)

.HIM -'ll see............that it is.......

                   (He wheels off slowly - but as he is leaving, an older woman in a robe comes out with a walker                     and holds up her hand to stop him)

HER - Amazing!  Oh, boo-hoo!  I mean, after 42 years, I thought I knew how depressing you could be, but no, you just outdid yourself!

         You always were more full of crap than an outhouse at one of those chili cook-offs!  But really, '      was' is a scary word?

          Give me a break!  Can you complain louder?  They didn't hear you in Australia!

HIM -  Did you even listen?  I wasn\t complaining about you - I was complaining about me!

HER -  Now there's a big help!

HIM -  (He really means it)  You, you're still......beautiful. 

        (She is touched by this,  removes the robe and scarf and she is younger, in a pretty dress)

HER -  And you are still that silver-tongued devil in that uniform with the creases so sharp you could cut a steak with them!

        (He stands and puts his sailor's hat back on, they look at each other and laugh)

HIM -  And I guess I still love you......

HER -  You guess!  You'd better find a better word than guess!

HIM -  OK, you got me, I love you baby.....

         (He bends her backwards for a kiss like the famous one from the end of WWII, then they put the robes back on, he gets into the wheelchair and she pushes him off slowly)

HIM -  Maybe the scariest word is ..............lose.

HER -  Idiot!  The scariest word is 'never' ..... as in....I never was young, I never fell in love, I never lived.........

HIM - (Thinking)  Hmmm.... So, once again, you want me to admit you might be right!

HER -  Might?  (Laughs)

          (They have almost left the stage when we hear her...)

HER -  One thing I can say - the older you get, the better you was!

          (They exit laughing - because scary is a relative thing - relatives can be scary!)


Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8


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