Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Monologue Mania Day # 1594 The Old Guy by Janet S. Tiger (c) June 28, 2018

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Monologue Mania Day # 1594 The Old Guy by Janet S. Tiger (c) June  28, 2018    
                                       That Old Guy
                       A monologue by Janet S. Tiger (c)  2018   all rights reserved

(Older man comes out, slowly, but happily.  He has a walker, which he opens to remove a cigar, which he lights and takes a big puff, and then he brings out a drink, which he lifts up)


       (Takes a big swig)

And that my friends is the secret you were asking about!  Yes, I am that old guy they are always talking about.  How did I get so happy?

Easy  My doctor!  You see, a few years ago when I was 90, I was miserable.  Depressed.  Felt awful!  Went to my doctor, a nice young man of 63, and he sent me to a shrink.  They gave me meds that made me feel like I was underwater!  Nope, I wasn't depressed anymore, because I had no feelings at all!

And all the doctors he sent me to told me I shouldn't complain, that I was still walking and I could drive my little motorized scooter, and live by myself - I should be this word...grateful!  Grateful to be miserable!

Well, after hearing that a few tmes, I made a decision that has changed my life for the better - no more doctors!

That's right, and when I told my doctor my plan, he just stared.

You see, I told him I was no longer going to worry about what I ate.  And I don't.  If I want a hot dog at 3 in the  morning, I have a hot dog.  And if I want a drink at 10 am- pour it!  And if I want to stay in my pjs all day - that's what I'm gonna do!  And I started smoking.....didn't like cigarettes, but a good cigar....aahhhh!

         (Takes another puff)

And when I explained my plans about the drinking and smoking and eating what I damned pleased, you know what he said?  He said.....but if you do this, you're gonna die!

And I said....that's the plan!

        (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

What does he say now?  Nine years later?  Not much - he died last year!

        (Leaves laughing - but not an exit yet!)

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8