Monday, June 25, 2018

Monologue Mania Day # 1592 Advanced Degree by Janet S. Tiger (c) June 26, 2018

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Monologue Mania Day # 1592 Advanced Degree by Janet S. Tiger (c) June  26, 2018       
                                        Advanced Degree
                                    ©Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved 2016

          (Older woman comes onstage slowly, with a cane or walker - whatever is available,  She comes over to the edge of the stage, looks off, shakes head.)

I can't believe it, I didn't do the dishes.  I never didn't do the dishes.  Ever.  

I always hated dishes in the sink.  Please forgive me, my friend, you'll have to help yourself to some coffee.....I don't seem to have the energy......

        (Listens, shakes head)

Of course I'm not OK!.......I am.....failing.

        (Waves hand)

Please don't argue with me.....I know the truth.....

That's what I am.  Failing.

Failing to thrive.  Failing to do what I know I should do but I no longer care about any more.

When I was  little, we would go visit my grandpa's father.... great grandpa who was .....a million years old.  After we left, my mother would shake her head and say...'He's failing'

And since my older brother and sister were in school, I would ask...'Failing what?  Do you still have to go to school when you're a million years old?'

And my mother would laugh and that would be the end of that.

Both my parents died young - smoking.  It may have been cancer and emphysema that were the bullets, but it was smoking that fired those bullets......But because they died young, they just passed away....they didn't have time fail....

I hated that word failing.  It meant....failure.  I was a teacher for 35 years, and I never used that word with children, not with them, or their parents.

I would work harder with those children, so they could pass.

Now all I gas.

But failing at the end of your life....what does that mean?  That you have failed to stay alive better? That you are not succeeding at death?  What exactly does it mean?  I means nothing good.

A polite way of saying.....'circling the drain.'

But somehow, today, I woke up with the sensation that I am looking at it all wrong.  The things I thought were so important....the dishes, whether every spec of dirt is off my plate......and whether or not I cook the eggs....just right......maybe, these things.....are not as important as I thought.

I remember when my poor daughter, who used to put on the strangest combinations of clothing and I would complain.....'what are you wearing?  you can't be seen in that on the street!  You can't go to school like that......or do your hair all fancy just for bowling!   And she would look so hurt.....

Maybe.....just maybe......I was wrong.  This is the same daughter who now  comes to take me shopping every week, and out to lunch.....I found myself commenting on her strange new earrings, and I stopped, and looked at them again, and unimportant it was and I...thanked her for being so good to me even after I had said all those things to her......Things that didn't really matter.....  And she ...she 
cried ....she said that she had always wanted me to say those things to her ...but.......she never thought I'd say them....and I cried.......

And now.....I look around at all the silliness I thought mattered......if the stamps were on straight on letters that are now long in the trash......about how to make the bed foolish I have been!

Yet somehow.......I feel relieved.....hardly failing at all......Perhaps the lessons that I needed to learn.....I have been learning....all along....Maybe I haven't been failing at all......

Maybe....I'll think of a new way to call it this time.......maybe I'm not failing.....maybe....I'm graduating.....from life......
        (Turns to leave, stops looks back)

After all, I do seem to advanced degree!

        (She exits, with honors)

First posted Day # 719 Advanced Degree  Jan. 31, 2016 

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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