Monologue Mania: Monologue Mania Day # 1574 Where Is It? by Janet S. Tiger (c) June 8, 2018

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Monologue Mania Day # 1574 Where Is It? by Janet S. Tiger (c) June 8, 2018

For other monologues from the Senior Channel, please see Days # 9, 20, 21, 22, 36, 46, 49, 50, 54, 57, 60, 61, 64, 65, 67, 68, 79, 86, 180, 195, 196, 328, 379, 401, 403, 414, 416, 503, 505, 553 and 573

Where is It?

(for The Senior Channel)
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger

         (Lights flashing, loud circus-type music, the actor bounds onstage very exuberant, with a wild look in the eye)

A new game show! Just what we need! What we don't have enough of! And even better - a game show for seniors - .a game show designed for seniors....aimed at seniors! written by seniors.....ok, by this one senior! .....what you've always wanted to see but never knew because it wasn't around......
Please give a big round of applause for the newest and most stupendous game show of all time.....Where is It?

        (He indicates the audience is to applaud, and encourages them to be even louder)

Come on, you can do better than that! Turn down your hearing aids and turn up those clappers! Finally a show that caters to us! We don't need a bachelor or a bachelorette! Most of us were married for a million years already! And we sure don't need to be taught how to survive.....we do that every day!

No.....this show is about a simple,everyday task that everyone watching knows about....intimately....could it be....yes, it might be.....Where is It? The show that asks the endless question....where the hell are my glasses?

        (He starts looking through his pockets, then around the stage)

Where are my car keys? Where did I put my damn dentures? If you can lose it.....it could be on this show!

Send us a picture of your lost item......or a facsimile.....and let us know how long it has been gone.....and we will send our special team of finders to YOUR HOUSE to help you find the lost item.....Quick, call the number on your screen! Write to the address you see below it.....or, if you have a close relative to help, do this on the internet, but hurry! We only have room for the first thousand losers.....I mean contestants........

If you are lucky enough to be chosen, we will bring our crew to neighborhood....to your home.....and we will....live on TV.....search for your missing object! Only .....and here's the best part!.......the audience will be able to guess where the object is....and the people who guess properly will split a fantastic prize! That's right....if you can guess that the glasses were in the shorts pocket in the back of the drawer....or that the keys were dropped under the seat of the car.......or that the dentures.....well, we'll let that one be a sweet mystery.....just watch for the first show in a few months......but until then......to all you losers out there.....you're not losers......you can win! Because if we can't find your lost item....the lucky contestants.....will get a new item....absolutely FREE ! You heard me....no charge to replace that flashlight that never showed up after the last blackout....and if we can't locate your dentures.....we'll get you a whole new set!

Remember....call now!

         (He points to the screen again, then pulls some glasses from a pocket waves them at the crowd)

I found them!

          (He turns to walk off, stops, looks back)

What a deal! What a show! What a load......of fun!

          (He exits....pulling some keys from another pocket, and the dentures from......the back of his pants as he grimaces and waves. Never the end of very stupid shows that somehow people - like me! -will watch and love)
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First posted Day #575 Where is It? (for the Senior Channel) Sept. 10, 2015

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* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty