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Monologue Mania Day # 1374 Served Cold by Janet S. Tiger (c) Nov. 19, 2017
Time - today, maybe tomorrow.....but definitely not yesterday
(Set is a nice office - well-appointed. At the desk, a high-backed chair is turned away from the audience.. JAKE enters, in his sixties, still decent shape, he has letters he is looking at, then takes the pile, and throws it into the garbage, only keeping one which he smells and smiles, then throws away, too. At this, the chair swivels around and we BONNIE, fifties, sitting and smiling)
BONNIE - Hiya! Still tossing all those nice-smelling notes? I guess that girl is getting too old, or do you just have another one on the line?
JAKE - How did you get in here?
BONNIE - Walked in....
JAKE - Past Helen?
BONNIE - Your secretary takes a break at exactly...
(Looks at her phone)
BONNIE - 3:15 pm and you come in at 3:20pm and get your mail off her desk.
JAKE - Whadda have - spies? (Looks around) Video cameras?
BONNIE - Video, good idea! That's for next time!
JAKE - (Harsh) There's not gonna be a next time, Bonnie, so, if you would please go...I won't have to call security.
BONNIE - Really? I would love that!
JAKE - Okay...
(He takes out his cell phone and looks at her, then puts the phone back in his pocket)
BONNIE - I'm so glad.....You DO remember!
JAKE - (A little less sure) Remember what?
BONNIE - Oh, are we gonna play that game? Come on! You're too young for memory loss!
JAKE - So, Bonnie, go ahead, I figure this is not a social call....
BONNIE - But it is! It involves our SOCIAL interaction a few years ago....how many was it? Let me check.....
(She opens up her notebook and looks very deliberately)
BONNIE - Sunday night......we had.....dinner.....do you remember?
JAKE - It's a long time, Bonnie....
BONNIE - But I remember it just like it was....yesterday......
JAKE - So, let's cut to the chase.....I can see you've been inspired by the news...
BONNIE - Inspired! You and Harvey.....what a way you guys have with words!
JAKE - Don't compare me with him! I didn't rape you, I didn't force you! You were, what 23? It was consensual!
BONNIE - That's just what Harvey says!
JAKE - So we screwed.....what do you want? Money? As I recall, money for fucking equals prostitution!
BONNIE - Oh, Jake, THAT's gonna cost you!
JAKE - Oh, my God! I can't believe this! I thought you liked me!
BONNIE - Of course I liked you, you were very nice to me. You took me out, told me I was pretty, and talented......
JAKE - (Brightening) So you remember! And then....it didn't work out....Be honest, how many times did we do it?
BONNIE - Two.....if you count the back of your car after dinner. And as for a lawsuit, I don't want that, what I want, is a job. Specifically the part of Linda Loman, Willy's wife in your upcoming highly publicized revival of Death of a Salesman.
JAKE - You've gotta be kidding! You know that role has already been cast! And....
BONNIE - (Very angry).I don't care if Meryl Streep was promised that part, that's what I want. And that's what you're going to give me. I do not want cash.. I do not want jewelry or flowers or a new car......I want that part. I need that part. And you are going to give me that part, or I will be forced to do something I don't want to do....just like I felt forced all those years ago, back when I was younger, and thinner, and wanted very much to play Stella in Streetcar....and you said I was perfect for the role, but you just needed to see....how did you put it so delicately?....if I could make those lights flash.....for you. And if I could, then I could do it on stage.....do you recall now?
JAKE - (Laughs) This isn't New York, or Hollywood, hell, it's not even Los Angeles! We're in Orange County - do you really think anyone cares about you and me, twenty, thirty years ago?
BONNIE - I have nothing to lose.....let's see!
JAKE - You want this part that badly that you'll stoop to blackmail?
BONNIE - I wanted the part so badly back then, that I just stooped, and I don't consider this blackmail at all.....there is a tide in this country, and it is sweeping us up in it.....I need this job, this pay, and you're gonna give it to me.....
JAKE - (Laughs) Or else what? You're gonna out me to the New York Times? On CNN?
BONNIE - Wait a minute, let me read something to you, something you wrote....just yesterday...
(Looks at her phone)
BONNIE - Our theater will only stand for the finest ideals for all of our actors and staff. Any type of harassment or inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated......
JAKE - And I stand behind that....
BONNIE - So did Archie at the Main Street Theater......he had a statement just like yours....didn't you hear?
JAKE - I was gone for the weekend, fill me in...
BONNIE - Fill you in, I like that.....you filled me in, now I get to fill you in....yes, he posted that Saturday, and Sunday, there were a dozen women who said some very interesting things about how he cast his......private parts.....And this morning, he was fired......
(Jake sits down heavily)
JAKE - This is not a big town, people know the truth.....It's your word against mine......
BONNIE - Interesting, maybe you don't remember me well, we didn't see each other much after you replaced me with that younger version of me....
JAKE - My God! She's a huge star now, she was great! You can be jealous of her, but that doesn't make me a bad guy!
BONNIE - Why don't we let the public be the judge of that? You’re forgetting something, my friend, this is a different world….all it takes is me going before the press, mentioning your name…..innocent until proven guilty is a thing of the past, everyone who watches the news is the judge and jury! And your sentence is…. death by public opinion! I don’t even need this…….
(She holds up an old cassette recorder)
BONNIE - You see, I was always OCD about my voice........I recorded all my shows, every night, I have them stored safely for when the world recognizes my talent and I can sell those tapes for millions of dollars....but until then....this is the only tape that matters.....
(She holds up a cassette tape and waves it)
BONNIE - You said I was nuts to record all my phone calls.....crazy was the word you used, and I thought it was adorable.....the way you said....'crazy'
JAKE - (Starting to understand) Crazy......
(She puts the tape in, brings him an earphones, he puts them on)
BONNIE - This was pre-Clinton era, so I didn't save a dress, but I do have this.....how you told me I would have the part, that it was mine, as long as.....quote, unquote...(imitates his voice) you can have the part as long as....you are mine.....
(He takes the earphones off, shakes his head, then quickly takes the tape out and rips it up while she watches, shaking her head)
BONNIE - Oh, come on, did you really think I was stupid enough not to make copies?
(She flashes her phone at him)
BONNIE - Or post it on the Internet? It's private.....for now.....and I know you will want it to stay that way....because ...stop me if I'm wrong....you may have done this.....to more than just little old me...
JAKE - (Trying to keep it together) Look, I understand that you're ...upset.....and I'm really sorry! I am! I had no idea that it hurt you that much.....things were....different back then.....things were I don't know, different.....everyone had..girlfriends, and it was...normal to give...preference to your girlfriend.......and....I always tried to pick the best person for the part....and girls are....pretty....and they wanted the parts.....YOU wanted the part......and then I saw her....and she was......amazing, and yes, I'd promised you, and my word should have been my bond, but, I made a promise to the theater, to make the best show possible, and she was the best for that part, at that time....and if you're honest, you know it's true.......okay, maybe it was wrong, over the years, I've learned my lesson....
I really am sorry.....
BONNIE - You're sorry! Oh, you are sorry aren't you.....you're sorry you were caught!
JAKE - I am sorry, and I do want to make this up to you, I do....
(He goes to her and starts to touch her shoulder, pulls his hand back)
BONNIE - Great! I just happen to have a contract right here.....
(She shows him and he looks at it)
JAKE - Where did you get this?
BONNIE - Did you ever think that some of the women you treated badly....work for you now? Not your secretary, she's a young bitch, but some of the volunteers here at this theater, they are...older.....and along with their wrinkles gray hair, they have long memories to go with their sagging tits! Look, we may not be champagne anymore, the bubbly is gone, and maybe we're not even fine wine.....but if you wanna think of us as prune juice....then honey, watch out for some ugly stains!
(She puts a pen in his hand. He signs slowly. She takes a photo of the contract)
BONNIE - Not that I don't trust you, but....I don't .....
(She turns to leave, then stops, takes a bag of ice out of her purse and dumps it on him. He jumps and she smiles)
BONNIE - I knew it, it is best served cold!
(She exits laughing. Blackout)
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Swedenborg Hall 2006-8