Today is Day # 1374! To look at the other 1373 titles - click here
first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015 second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today!
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Monologue Mania
Day # 1374 Served Cold by Janet S. Tiger (c) Nov. 19, 2017
Served Cold
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © All rights reserved 2017
Time - today,
maybe tomorrow.....but definitely not yesterday
(Set is a nice office - well-appointed. At the desk, a
high-backed chair is turned away from the audience.. JAKE enters, in his
sixties, still decent shape, he has letters he is looking at, then takes the
pile, and throws it into the garbage, only keeping one which he smells and
smiles, then throws away, too. At this, the chair swivels around and we
BONNIE, fifties, sitting and smiling)
BONNIE - Hiya! Still tossing all
those nice-smelling notes? I guess that girl is getting too old, or do
you just have another one on the line?
JAKE - How did you get in here?
BONNIE - Walked in....
JAKE - Past Helen?
BONNIE - Your secretary takes a break at exactly...
(Looks at her phone)
BONNIE - 3:15 pm and you come in at 3:20pm and get
your mail off her desk.
JAKE - Whadda have - spies? (Looks around)
Video cameras?
BONNIE - Video, good idea! That's for next
time!
JAKE - (Harsh) There's not gonna be a next time,
Bonnie, so, if you would please go...I won't have to call security.
BONNIE - Really? I would love that!
JAKE - Okay...
(He takes out his cell phone and
looks at her, then puts the phone back in his pocket)
BONNIE - I'm so glad.....You DO remember!
JAKE - (A little less sure) Remember what?
BONNIE - Oh, are we gonna play that game? Come
on! You're too young for memory loss!
JAKE - So, Bonnie, go ahead, I figure this is not a social
call....
BONNIE - But it is! It involves our SOCIAL interaction
a few years ago....how many was it? Let me check.....
(She opens up her notebook and looks
very deliberately)
BONNIE - Sunday night......we had.....dinner.....do you
remember?
JAKE - It's a long time, Bonnie....
BONNIE - But I remember it just like it
was....yesterday......
JAKE - So, let's cut to the chase.....I can see you've been
inspired by the news...
BONNIE - Inspired! You and Harvey.....what a way you
guys have with words!
JAKE - Don't compare me with him! I didn't rape
you, I didn't force you! You were, what 23? It was consensual!
BONNIE - That's just what Harvey says!
JAKE - So we screwed.....what do you want?
Money? As I recall, money for fucking equals prostitution!
BONNIE - Oh, Jake, THAT's gonna cost you!
JAKE - Oh, my God! I can't believe this! I
thought you liked me!
BONNIE - Of course I liked you, you were very nice to
me. You took me out, told me I was pretty, and talented......
JAKE - (Brightening) So you remember! And
then....it didn't work out....Be honest, how many times did we do
it?
BONNIE - Two.....if you count the back of your car after
dinner. And as for a lawsuit, I don't want that, what I want, is a
job. Specifically the part of Linda Loman, Willy's wife in your
upcoming highly publicized revival of Death of a Salesman.
JAKE - You've gotta be kidding! You know that role has
already been cast! And....
BONNIE - (Very angry).I don't care if Meryl Streep was
promised that part, that's what I want. And that's what you're going to
give me. I do not want cash.. I do not want jewelry or flowers or a new
car......I want that part. I need that part. And you are going to
give me that part, or I will be forced to do something I don't want to
do....just like I felt forced all those years ago, back when I was younger, and
thinner, and wanted very much to play Stella in Streetcar....and you said I was
perfect for the role, but you just needed to see....how did you put it so
delicately?....if I could make those lights flash.....for you. And if I
could, then I could do it on stage.....do you recall now?
JAKE - (Laughs) This isn't New York, or Hollywood,
hell, it's not even Los Angeles! We're in Orange County - do you really
think anyone cares about you and me, twenty, thirty years ago?
BONNIE - I have nothing to lose.....let's see!
JAKE - You want this part that badly that you'll stoop to
blackmail?
BONNIE - I wanted the part so badly back then, that I just
stooped, and I don't consider this blackmail at all.....there is a tide in this
country, and it is sweeping us up in it.....I need this job, this pay, and you're
gonna give it to me.....
JAKE - (Laughs) Or else what? You're gonna out me to
the New York Times? On CNN?
BONNIE - Wait a minute, let me read something to you,
something you wrote....just yesterday...
(Looks at her phone)
BONNIE - Our theater will only stand for the finest ideals
for all of our actors and staff. Any type of harassment or inappropriate
behavior will not be tolerated......
JAKE - And I stand behind that....
BONNIE - So did Archie at the Main Street Theater......he
had a statement just like yours....didn't you hear?
JAKE - I was gone for the weekend, fill me in...
BONNIE - Fill you in, I like that.....you filled me in, now
I get to fill you in....yes, he posted that Saturday, and Sunday, there were a
dozen women who said some very interesting things about how he cast
his......private parts.....And this morning, he was fired......
(Jake sits down heavily)
JAKE - This is not a big town, people know the
truth.....It's your word against mine......
BONNIE - Interesting, maybe you don't remember me
well, we didn't see each other much after you replaced me with that
younger version of me....
JAKE - My God! She's a huge star now, she was
great! You can be jealous of her, but that doesn't make me a bad guy!
BONNIE - Why don't we let the public be the judge of
that? You’re forgetting something, my friend, this is a different
world….all it takes is me going before the press, mentioning your name…..innocent
until proven guilty is a thing of the past, everyone who watches the news is the judge and
jury! And your sentence is…. death by
public opinion! I don’t even need this…….
(She holds up an old
cassette recorder)
BONNIE - You see, I was always OCD about my voice........I
recorded all my shows, every night, I have them stored safely for when the world
recognizes my talent and I can sell those tapes for millions of dollars....but
until then....this is the only tape that matters.....
(She holds up a cassette tape
and waves it)
BONNIE - You said I was nuts to record all my phone
calls.....crazy was the word you used, and I thought it was adorable.....the
way you said....'crazy'
JAKE - (Starting to understand) Crazy......
(She puts the tape in, brings
him an earphones, he puts them on)
BONNIE - This was pre-Clinton era, so I didn't save a dress,
but I do have this.....how you told me I would have the part, that it was mine,
as long as.....quote, unquote...(imitates his voice) you can have the
part as long as....you are mine.....
(He takes the earphones
off, shakes his head, then quickly takes the tape out and rips it up while she
watches, shaking her head)
BONNIE - Oh, come on, did you really think I was stupid
enough not to make copies?
(She flashes her phone
at him)
BONNIE - Or post it on the Internet? It's
private.....for now.....and I know you will want it to stay that way....because
...stop me if I'm wrong....you may have done this.....to more than just little
old me...
JAKE - (Trying to keep it together) Look, I understand
that you're ...upset.....and I'm really sorry! I am! I had no idea
that it hurt you that much.....things were....different back then.....things
were I don't know, different.....everyone had..girlfriends, and it was...normal
to give...preference to your girlfriend.......and....I always tried to pick the
best person for the part....and girls are....pretty....and they wanted the
parts.....YOU wanted the part......and then I saw her....and she
was......amazing, and yes, I'd promised you, and my word should have been my
bond, but, I made a promise to the theater, to make the best show possible, and
she was the best for that part, at that time....and if you're honest, you know
it's true.......okay, maybe it was wrong, over the years, I've learned my
lesson....
I really am sorry.....
BONNIE - You're sorry! Oh, you are sorry aren't you.....you're sorry you were caught!
JAKE - I am sorry, and I do want to make this up to you, I do....
(He goes to her and starts to touch her shoulder, pulls his hand back)
BONNIE - Great! I just happen to have a contract right
here.....
(She shows him and he looks at
it)
JAKE - Where did you get this?
BONNIE - Did you ever think that some of the women you
treated badly....work for you now? Not your secretary, she's a young
bitch, but some of the volunteers here at this theater, they
are...older.....and along with their wrinkles gray hair, they have long
memories to go with their sagging tits! Look, we may not be
champagne anymore, the bubbly is gone, and maybe we're not even fine
wine.....but if you wanna think of us as prune juice....then honey, watch out
for some ugly stains!
(She puts a pen in his
hand. He signs slowly. She takes a photo of the contract)
BONNIE - Not that I don't trust you, but....I don't .....
(She turns to leave,
then stops, takes a bag of ice out of her purse and dumps it on him. He jumps and she smiles)
BONNIE - I knew it, it is
best served cold!
(She exits
laughing. Blackout)
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* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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