Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1308 Blue Screen by Janet S. Tiger (c) Sept. 13, 2017

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Monologue Mania Day # 1308 Blue Screen by Janet S. Tiger (c) Sept. 13, 2017 

    Based on a horrifying true at your own discretion.....(in other words- don't complain if this scares the  *!*#!! out of you)

                                                 Blue Screen
                               (a Horror monologue)* 
                                               by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2017 all rights reserved     
*But hopefully not too horrible!

     (Actor crawls onstage, slowly stands)

It's happened.  I always knew it would happen someday, I mean I hoped it never would happen, but it did.

     (Moves hands around like a mime determining where the wall is....gets frightened)

It's the dreaded......(almost a whisper)  blue screen.....(louder)  Blue Screen!

There are the words......Problem signature....I know there's a problem!  The screen is blue!  And whose signature is it anyways?  I can't see anything that looks vaguely real.....just a lotta line of horror.....Problem event name.....BLUE SCREEN!...followed by more numbers that mean nothing!  They don't look like math - they are the afterbirth of an equation, splotches of numbers and letters and then, to make life even more difficult....they have the gall to put in the words.....'additional information about the problem!'

As if the first gobbledygook counts as information!  Why not just spit on the screen?  What would the difference be?

More numbers!  and the words 'files that help describe the problem!'  What files?  What about a person?  Please, a real person!

But wait, there's more.....'Read our privacy statement online'  If I can't understand it, IT'S ALL PRIVATE!  It's all about our privates!  Maybe it gets interesting now,....

But no, just more numbers and the great close of...'if the online privacy statement is not available, please read our privacy statement offline!'

       (On hands and knees now, almost wailing)

Please...oh, please, just don't die on me, oh my computer darling!......Come back to me....

       (Now prone)

Ah, the dreaded blue screen!  What a way to go.....

       (Cries uncontrollably, then hears something and sits up, alert)

What was that?...Did I hear the fashionable statement of a ....reboot?

       (Slowly rises, puts hands onto 'screen')

Oh, the sounds of those lovely opening notes!....It's back!  It's back!  I'm sorry if I said anything to offend you, oh, my lovely computer!  Oh, how I love you!  I truly love you!

       (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

I guess there is a God after all!

       (Exits to finish the monologue)

For those never fortunate enough to get a blue screen, this is what the 'information' about the blue screen looks like -  (may you never actually live through one!)

Problem signature:
  Problem Event Name: BlueScreen
  OS Version: 6.1.7601.
  Locale ID: 1033

Additional information about the problem:
  BCCode: 1e
  BCP1: 0000000000000000
  BCP2: 0000000000000000
  BCP3: 0000000000000000
  BCP4: 0000000000000000
  OS Version: 6_1_7601
  Service Pack: 1_0
  Product: 256_1

Files that help describe the problem:

Read our privacy statement online:

If the online privacy statement is not available, please read our privacy statement offline:

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

1 comment:

Jennifer Silva Redmond said...

Thank goodness you survived that!