first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015 second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today!
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop - if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop - if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 1300!
Get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day # 1303 I'm Gonna Live Forever (Cause I Can't Afford to Die) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Sept. 8, 2017
This is a song I wrote awhile back - all I need is the music, and I have someone working on it.
Not a monologue you say? What is a song but a musical monologue?
Oh, by the way, this HAS to be a country song!
I'm Gonna Live Forever
Song-
I'm gonna live forever cause I can't afford to die by Janet S. Tiger (c) Sept. 21, 2011
Last night a man on TV was talkin' about funeral funds
And how I need to be prepared
And when he finished talking
I was mighty scared
Then I woke up this morning with a thought in my head
How's my family gonna pay for it - when one day I wake up dead?
We got no money now, and none of that insurance stuff
So how'll they afford the the preacher and the coffin and the party - it's gonna be real rough....
So I made up my mind that there's only one fair thing to do
And it ain't gonna be easy, I won't lie....
Since I got no money, I'll just have to stay here, honey -
I'm gonna live forever ......cause I can't afford to die!
So let's have that party now, I say
And call out all my friends
It's gonna be a good time
And it ain't never gonna end
Cause once I make my mind up
I never ask no 'what' or 'why"
I'm just gonna live forever cause I can't afford to die!
So don't be worrying - no reason to cry
St. Peter please save my place in the sky
I'm gonna live forever cause I can't afford to die!
(spoken at end)
How much is that coffin? Can I give you an IOU?
No? Guess I'll be staying for a bit more......
------------------------------------------
This is a song I wrote awhile back - all I need is the music, and I have someone working on it.
Not a monologue you say? What is a song but a musical monologue?
Oh, by the way, this HAS to be a country song!
I'm Gonna Live Forever
(Cause I Can't Afford to Die)
by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2017 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2017 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
I’m Gonna Live Forever Cause I Can’t Afford to Die
© Sept. 21, 2011 song by Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
© Sept. 21, 2011 song by Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
(partly spoken)
Last night a man on TV was talkin’ about funeral plans
And how I need to be prepared
And when he finished talking
I was mighty scared
And how I need to be prepared
And when he finished talking
I was mighty scared
Then I got up this morning
With a thought in my head
How’s my family gonna pay for it-
When one day I wake up dead?
With a thought in my head
How’s my family gonna pay for it-
When one day I wake up dead?
We got no money now
And none of that insurance stuff
How’ll they afford the preacher and the coffin-
It’s gonna be real tough….
And none of that insurance stuff
How’ll they afford the preacher and the coffin-
It’s gonna be real tough….
So I made up my mind
That’s there’s only one fair thing to do
And it ain’t gonna be easy - I won’t lie
Since I got no money,
I’ll just have to stay here, honey-
I’m gonna live forever…..cause I can’t afford to die!
That’s there’s only one fair thing to do
And it ain’t gonna be easy - I won’t lie
Since I got no money,
I’ll just have to stay here, honey-
I’m gonna live forever…..cause I can’t afford to die!
Chorus-
You see…..I can’t afford to die, my friends
I can’t afford to die
I’m gonna live forever
Cause I can’t afford to die!
Now, you see, it ain’t because I’m afraid to go
I’ve had a damn good life, don’tcha know?
It’s just that it costs so much for that headstone and hole
And then, honey, I just hate to see you cry
That’s why…
I’m gonna live forever cause I
Can’t afford to die!
So I went to see my preacher
About what the hell I should do
He said, (preacher’s voice) ‘from what I understand
You gave the devil an IOU!’
(Spoken, soft) An IOU? What’s the date…hmm… I don’t even remember much from that weekend, and since I can’t play as good as Charlie Daniels you can see why….
Chorus-
I…….can’t afford to die, my friends
I can’t afford to die
I’m gonna live forever
Cause I can’t afford to die!
And if it wasn’t bad enough with the devil,
Then that government guy came around
You know, the one from the I – R – S
At first I wasn’t scared
I figured, once I die,
The government won’t care
Well, he said to me –
‘If you think just because you’re gone
We don’t care about that tax money you owe –
Well, you’re just darn WRONG!
(Spoken as an IRS man))
You think the devil’s gonna get your soul?
He’s gonna have to wait in line behind Uncle Sam!
(Spoken as himself)
I think I’d rather face the devil
Chorus-
So don’t be worrying, honey
No reason to cry
Saint Peter please don’t save me a place in the sky
I’m gonna live forever
Cause I can’t afford to die
I can’t afford to die, my friends
I can’t afford to die
I’m gonna live forever
Cause I can’t afford to die!
So I’m gonna have a party
And call out all my friends
It’s gonna be a good time
And it ain’t never gonna end!
It ain’t gonna be so bad
And call out all my friends
It’s gonna be a good time
And it ain’t never gonna end!
It ain’t gonna be so bad
All I have to do is try
I’ve just got to live forever cause
I can’t afford to die
I can’t afford to die
Chorus-
I can’t afford to die, my friends
I can’t afford to die
I’m gonna live forever
Cause I can’t afford to die!
(Softer)
I just can’t afford to die…..
They say the cost of living is high
Wait’ll you see what it costs to die!
Can you afford to check out?
You better check it out, my friends, it’s mighty expensive…..
There’s the will, and there’s attorney’s fees
The gravesite and the stone
And the stone if you please
Even cremation costs more now-
And if you donate your body
They charge your family somehow!
And I must confess
The worst is a mess with the IRS….
Am I right, my friends? Anyone wanna join me?
(Cheers from crowd)
And just because we don't have enough cash
Don’t mean we wanna get set out with the trash……
So no matter what we do
Or how hard we try
Looks like we’re all just gonna have to live forever
Cause we can’t afford to die!
So let’s have that party now, I say
And welcome all my friends
It’s gonna be a good time
And it ain’t never gonna end!
Cause once we make our minds up
We never ask no ‘what’ or ‘why’
We're all just gonna live forever cause
We can’t afford to die
And welcome all my friends
It’s gonna be a good time
And it ain’t never gonna end!
Cause once we make our minds up
We never ask no ‘what’ or ‘why’
We're all just gonna live forever cause
We can’t afford to die
Chorus
Nope, we can’t afford to die, my friends
We can’t afford to die
We’re just gonna have to live forever
Cause we can’t…we just CAN’T …
Afford to die!
(Spoken)
Hmm…
How much is that coffin?
Can I give you an IOU?
The cost of living may be high, but this cost of dying just might kill me yet!.....
Guess I’ll just have to stay…..I still got lots to do…
How bout another beer….
Janet S. Tiger
Shorter version below
Song-
I'm gonna live forever cause I can't afford to die by Janet S. Tiger (c) Sept. 21, 2011
Last night a man on TV was talkin' about funeral funds
And how I need to be prepared
And when he finished talking
I was mighty scared
Then I woke up this morning with a thought in my head
How's my family gonna pay for it - when one day I wake up dead?
We got no money now, and none of that insurance stuff
So how'll they afford the the preacher and the coffin and the party - it's gonna be real rough....
So I made up my mind that there's only one fair thing to do
And it ain't gonna be easy, I won't lie....
Since I got no money, I'll just have to stay here, honey -
I'm gonna live forever ......cause I can't afford to die!
Chorus-
I can’t afford to die, my friends
I can’t afford to die
I’m gonna live forever
Cause I can’t afford to die!
So let's have that party now, I say
And call out all my friends
It's gonna be a good time
And it ain't never gonna end
Cause once I make my mind up
I never ask no 'what' or 'why"
I'm just gonna live forever cause I can't afford to die!
So don't be worrying - no reason to cry
St. Peter please save my place in the sky
I'm gonna live forever cause I can't afford to die!
Chorus-
I can’t afford to die, my friends
I can’t afford to die
I’m gonna live forever
Cause I can’t afford to die!
(spoken at end)
How much is that coffin? Can I give you an IOU?
No? Guess I'll be staying for a bit more......
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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