Monologue Mania: July 2016

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #900 The Case of the Missing Gnomes (for Mr. Lemonhead) by Janet S. Tiger (c) July 31, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015 second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today! *********
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 900!

Get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #900 The Case of the Missin' Gnomes (for Mr. Lemonhead) by Janet S. Tiger (c) July 31, 2016

Today is Day # 900 for this blog - one a day for almost two and a half years!
Tto all the readers who support this blog and give such helpful comments- a big thank you!

To purchase the entire script of Mr. Lemonhead, please click here

The Case of the Missin' Gnomes
by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2016 all rights
tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Elmira is the older sister, in her 60s, and Myrna is the younger sister. Beth is Elmira's daughter, so Auntie Myrna is Beth's aunt. Elmira is quite perturbed, yet trying not to laugh. Southern accents all)

Now, Beth, I need you to listen, and listen closely. There's been a slight problem.....with your Auntie Myrna....and the police.

I don't know if you recall when you were younger, there was a problem with Auntie Myrna and her intense dislike of......

(listens, shakes head)

No, not fruit! Everyone knows she can't stand fruit....but this is her dislike of......garden gnomes......I see you do remember, please stop laughin', this is serious!

For some reason, to date never explained, she never cared for garden gnomes of any shape, size or native origin,

In fact, you might remember, that she would......what is a good word? Abscond? Remove?

(Listens, nods)

All right, steal is the correct word! She would.....remove the source of her extreme irritation from view....which meant, takin' the gnomes from wherever she found them.....and....disposin' of them.

Which meant.....buryin' them in the area behind the second barn.......

Well, it appears that her return to our fair city....town......has meant her annoyance with the gnomes has been rekindled, and so, she has returned to her life of .....oh, I can't call it a crime!.....to her life....of...gnome removal.....midnight gnome removal.....

And that nice young assistant deputy who has way too much time on his hands, well, he was assigned this nefarious case......and discovered that the earlier missin' gnomes had been ongoin'....but had stopped suddenly, when your Auntie Myrna had left town for New Yawhk......so he has put two and two together and come up with a horrible theory that your Auntie Myrna is a gnome thief!

(Listens)

Of course it's true! Doesn't mean it's not horrible.

(Listens)

Well of course I'm gettin to the point! We need to clear your Auntie Myrna's name.......not her good name, but.....her name.....which means.....we have to help her.....she is family....crazy family, but that's what holds us all together....crazy glue! And it means that......

(Deep breath) Tonight, while Auntie Myrna is playin' bingo, givin' herself an alibi..... we need to go under cover of darkness.....to steal some gnomes.....

(She turns to leave, stops looks back)

Somehow, that sounded worse than I thought it would.......

(Lights down, end of scene)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #899 When Does the Day Begin? (revised for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) July 30, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 880!

Get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #899 When Does the Day Begin? (revised for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) July 30, 2016

For more monologues and scenes from CAREGIVERS ANONYMOUS, please see Days # 268

270, 271 ,273 284 285, 286 314, 317 380 412 444 454, 455, 456, 473 474 475, 476, 483 484 513 514 566 566 569 666 - 692 - 702 - 714 777 778 782 - 783 797 802 812 820 874 -881 -889, 893 and today's, 894

As I write Caregivers Anonymous, I have to do assorted monologues on characters who may or may not be in this version of the show. This monologue is revised - the original post is below. I think I can cut it more, but it will depend on where it is in the play.

There is now a website for this play .....CaregiversAnon.org

      When Does the Day Begin?
        (for Caregivers Anonymous)
by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2015 all rights
tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (The woman stands up, comes to the center of the stage, looks around)

You're right, I haven't talked in awhile. Perhaps...I have nothing left to say?

(She laughs and the others join in)

Okay, you don't have to laugh that hard!

Whoo...what's happened since I last spoke? Oh, my Uncle Ted is going into a home......that is new. Of course, it could a year...and in a year, who knows? Maybe he will get better....

           (She laughs)

I told you, you don't have to not laugh that hard!   Yeah, I have to go through the VA - what a joy! First the people go through war, then they get old and go through hell.....am not sure which is worse.

Now everyone here knows, right? That one of the signs for dementia and Alzheimers is not knowing what day it is.....but here's my question - what happens when you don't know WHEN the day begins?

..caregiving......24/7 means, there is no start..... or end ....to the day.

(Smiles, remembering) After the kids went to college, before Uncle Ted moved in....and started declining.....boy I hate that term!.....before.....I had a fantastic job at....don't laugh!....Walmart. I was a....greeter.

I got there and punched in, and the job started. I had specific breaks, and a whole half hour, uninterrupted!...for lunch! It was like....a miracle job!

And, at the end of the day, I clocked out, and went home, and the job was off my mind until I clocked in again! It was ....bliss! I loved it! I had a demarcated job!
No midnight calls, no midnight falls and trips to the hospital at 3 am......and every day, when I woke up, I knew that's when the day started.

Don't get me wrong, my Uncle Ted was always good to me. He taught me how to play baseball when I was a kid, and when he moved to town, to be near me when my Aunt Muriel passed, he bought a van for me, to help out, with the kids, and it could carry his walker to start, then his.....wheelchair.

I used to remember when the others would complain about Walmart, and, I know, they had things to complain about, but all I know is, I wish....I wish I could work there again.....I wish....I could know, when the day begins......

          (She sits down. Spot on her, then blackout. End of scene)

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Original Post

  Monologue Mania Day # 412 by Janet S. Tiger When Does the Day Begin March 31, 2015

      When Does the Day Begin?
        (for Caregivers Anonymous)
by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2015 all rights
                                           tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (The woman stands up, comes to the center of the stage, looks around)

You're right, I haven't talked in awhile. Perhaps...I have nothing left to say?

(She laughs and the others join in)

Okay, you don't have to laugh that hard!

Whoo...what's happened since I last spoke? Oh, my Uncle Ted is going into a home......that is new. Of course, it could a year...and in a year, who knows? Maybe he will get better....

           (She laughs)

I told you, you don't have to not laugh that hard!   Yeah, I have to go through the VA - what a joy! First the people go through war, then they get old and go through hell.....am not sure which is worse.

Here's the funny thing, I realized that...everyone knows, right? That one of the signs for dementia and Alzheimers is not knowing what day it is.....but here's my question - what happens when you don't know WHEN the day begins?

Sometimes people talk to me, and they find out I'm caring for someone with Alzheimers and I can see it on their face, that horror. Some know from experience.....others just know. But the thing they don't understand unless they've been through it is.....24/7 means, there is no start..... or end ....to the day.

(Smiles, remembering) After the kids went to college, before Uncle Ted moved in....and started declining.....boy I hate that term!.....before.....I got a fantastic job at....don't laugh!....Walmart. I was a....greeter. People felt sorry for me at that job, too, but I loved it! I had a demarcated job!

I got there and punched in, and the job started. I had specific breaks, and a whole half hour, uninterrupted!...for lunch! It was like....a miracle job!

And, at the end of the day, I clocked out, and went home, and the job was off my mind until I clocked in again! It was ....bliss!

No one called me to ask my opinion on the color of the carts, and no one asked why I hadn't purchased the right crackers for Ted.....why I was late, or early, or what I was doing......and every day, when I woke up, I knew that's when the day started. No midnight calls, no midnight falls and trips to the hospital at 3 am......

Don't get me wrong, my Uncle Ted was always good to me. He taught me how to play baseball when I was a kid, and when he moved to town, to be near me when Aunt Muriel passed, he bought a van for me, to help out, with the kids, and it could carry his walker to start, then his.....wheelchair.

I used to remember when the others would complain about Walmart, and, I know, they had things to complain about, but all I know is, I wish....I wish I could work there again.....I wish....I could know, when the day begins......

          (She sits down. Spot on her, then blackout. End of scene)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Friday, July 29, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #898 Origins (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) July 29, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #898 Origins (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) July 29, 2016

For more monologues and scenes from CAREGIVERS ANONYMOUS, please see Days # 268

270, 271 ,273 284 285, 286 314, 317 380 412 444 454, 455, 456, 473 474 475, 476, 483 484 513 514 566 566 569 666 - 692 - 702 - 714 777 778 782 - 783 797 802 812 820 874 -881 -889, 893 and today's, 894

As I write Caregivers Anonymous, I have to do assorted monologues on characters who may or may not be in this version of the show. This monologue is background on the group - it may or may not be included, but it is necessary for me- the playwright - to know this! Thank you for joining me on this journey......
For all interested - there is now a website for this play .....CaregiversAnon.org

Origins

(for Caregivers Anonymous)
(Not) A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
© all rights reserved 2016 tigerteam1@gmail.com

(The leader of the group stands and looks at the newbie, puts a hand to an ear)

Did I hear a question? The inevitable question about the origin of this noble gathering?

Whatsa matter? You don't trust the brochure?

(Opens a paper, reads)

'Caregivers Anonymous began as a small group of friends who got together to compare notes about taking care of others. This grew into a collection of caregivers exchanging ideas, stories and experiences for over......well...many years.'

I just love public relations!

(The group laughs together)

The reality - the first four members used to take their assorted - and sordid - patients - to a local donut shop! And while the patients compared notes about biopsies and bunions and....... bowel movements......the caregivers would get a sugar high - fueled by super caffienated coffee to keep us going!

We decided that keeping sane was impossible, but maintaining some level of functionality was optimal, so we codified our meetings at this lovely hall......still fueled by these amazing donuts.....thank you,my friend!.....and the industrial coffee.

One of our members had been in publicity B.C. –Before Caregiving! - during the normal part of their life.....had even known some famous people!....so they designed the name, and logo - which incidentally, we tell everyone the four characters stand for the patient, caregiver, family and community - but the truth is......it was the original four of us.....of which I am the last!

And so we became .....horrible word!....legitimate.....and the one good thing we did......we decided to call ourselves anonymous, so we could all tell the truth.....the whole truth.....and nothing but the donut hole truth.........without having to pretend........

And so here we are......still guzzling the coffee......and chomping the donuts......or is it chomping the coffee and guzzling the donuts? Whatever it is.....we're still here....and we're still anonymous.....and thank God for that! We say.....together all!...God grant me the serenity to accept the diapers we cannot change......the courage to change the ones we can....and the wisdom - and the nasal clarity! -to know the difference!

(Raises a coffee cup as the others raise theirs and cheer)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Thursday, July 28, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #897 Reminder: Carrot Under Couch! by Janet S. Tiger (c) July 28, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #897 Reminder: Carrot Under Couch! by Janet S. Tiger (c) July 28, 2016

Reminder: Carrot Under Couch!
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
© all rights reserved 2016 tigerteam1@gmail.com

(The actor emerges holding a string- can be a string of jewelry, pearls, decorative, as long as it can hang straight. Comes out to the front)

Here?

(Goes to the side)

What about here?

(Looks out at the audience)

This is a tried and true method of finding things! You can look at me funny, but I looked this up on the internet! How to find anything! And - when all else has failed - and it always does! - this is the best way........You see.....according to Madame Teresa.....not to be confused with Mother Teresa.....Madame Teresa says that our inner knowledge will control the string, and lead us to the lost object, because inside.......we know the truth!

You see, we lost whatever we lost, but secretly, in our deepest soul.....we know.....and the pendulum will be influenced by this knowing......

(Holds the string at arm's length)

Shhhh! Don't even breathe....I want everyone to concentrate......!

Now, my auntie didn't believe me when I told her this.....she said it was....what was the fancy psychological word she used.....oh, yes......crazy.

And then she tried to test me, to test the string, to test Madame Teresa herself!

(Takes the string and wraps it around to make a noose, pulls it tight, smiles, drops the string on the ground)

Oooh .... I think it worked! This is just where I buried auntie! I guess my deepest soul guided me after all! Now, excuse me, I’m looking for a missing carrot……I think the string will lead me right to it!

(Turns to leave, stops, looks back, leans over to get the string)

Just in case.......someone else.....or you.....ever calls me crazy......

(Holds the string lovingly as they exit into madness.)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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