first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015 second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today! *********
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 880!
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First posted on Day # 216 Sept. 16, 2014 Original post is below -
Death By.....
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved tigerteam1@gmail.com
(The detective enters, well dressed in his Sherlock hat and a magnifying glass...and a British accent. He carries a vacuum cleaner, that has a pair of handcuffs on it.)
There, it looks normal, but I believe that inside the tiny brain is the mind of.....a murderer.
(He faces the vacuum, getting into its face)
You cannot hide from me! I know exactly how you sat in the broom closet, which you would like renamed as the vacuum closet because you work so much more! But NO! The broom closet it remains, and you start to become angry, even.... Hateful!
(The vacuum starts to move in an odd manner)
There! You saw it! The hatred that it cannot hide! I say this machine became irate, then lost all control......
(At this, the vacuum starts to jump around and the hose becomes lose, starting to have a mind of its own)
And you did it! You strangled Murgatroyd! And all because of a silly argument, where he kept you working after something had become stuck in you.....kept you running until you....SMELLED!
(The vacuum is furious, is bucking like a horse)
And you were placed in the back of the BROOM CLOSET! Until he took you out.... and you heard the frightening words.....'time to be put out for the donation pile' and you snapped.....
(The vacuum hose wraps itself around the detective's neck, he fights with it)
You plotted and planned and carried out the nefarious deed with malice aforethought1 And for that you will be.......brought before a jury of your peers, other vacuum cleaners such as Bissells, Dirt Devils.......Dysons who have led healthy normal lives, and they will judge if you deserve to be sent to be recycled......or........parted out.
(He takes the hose and wraps it up on its stand, replacing the handcuffs.)
Ladies and gentlemen ...I rest my case.
(He takes the vacuum and starts to leave, then stops and turns back)
And that is why I like to say......Nature....abhors a vacuum......
(He exits. The end of one of the oddest monologues I have ever seen, let alone written) Note- the actor will have to be totally in tune with the vacuum cleaner they use – which is why I recommend Hoover vacs. Now if I could just get Hoover to advertise on my websites….
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Original post-
Janet S. Tiger Death By.... Sept. 16, 2014
Death By.....
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved tigerteam1@gmail.com
(The detective enters, well dressed in his Sherlock hat and a magnifying glass...and a British accent. He carries a vacuum cleaner, that has a pair of handcuffs on it.)
My dear ladies and gentlemen of the Senior Channel. It is my pleasure to reveal to you who murdered our dear friend, Mr. Murgatroyd.
I have here the unusual suspect, a highly annoying vacuum cleaner. If you notice, I have handcuffed the beast to avoid another untimely death.
But now, I will show how this dastardly machine was the perpetrator of the evil deed resulting in Mr. Murgatroyd's demise.
(He proceeds to remove the handcuffs)
I will unlock the cuffs, but please stand back as I do not trust this...this thing! ...to be humane, as it is not human, therefore it probably does not know right from wrong......
(He plugs in the plug)
Watch how the supposedly helpful utensil sits quietly, waiting for the opportunity to strike. I suggest that is exactly how the previous murder began.
(He turns on the switch. The vacuum moves slightly, he vacuums a bit)
There, it looks normal, but I believe that inside the tiny brain is the mind of.....a murderer.
(He faces the vacuum, getting into its face)
You cannot hide from me! I know exactly how your mind works, how you sat in the room, in the broom closet, which you would like renamed in your honor as the vacuum closet because you work so much more! But NO! The broom closet it remains, and you start to become angry, even.....dare I say it? Hateful!
(The vacuum starts to move in an odd manner)
There! You saw it! The look in its glass eye! The hatred that it cannot hide! I say this machine became irate, then lost all control......
(At this, the vacuum starts to jump around and the hose becomes lose, starting to have a mind of its own)
And you did it! You killed him! You strangled Murgatroyd! And all because of a silly argument, where he kept you working after something had become stuck in you.....kept you running until you....SMELLED!
(The vacuum is furious, is bucking like a horse)
And the rubber on your tiny belt melted and you were placed in the back of the BROOM CLOSET! Until he took you out....to see if you could be repaired, and you heard the frightening words.....'time to be put out for the donation pile' and you snapped.....
(The vacuum hose wraps itself around the detective's neck, he fights with it)
You killed him! You strangled Murgatroyd! You plotted and planned and carried out the nefarious deed with malice aforethought1 And for that you will be.......brought before a jury of your peers, other vacuum cleaners such as Bissells, Dirt Devils.......Dysons who have led healthy normal lives, and they will judge if you deserve to be sent to the Goodwill, or put in with other items to be recycled......or.....my recommendation.....parted out.
(He takes the hose and wraps it up on its stand, replacing the handcuffs.)
Ladies and gentlemen of the Senior Channel....I rest my case.
(He takes the vacuum and starts to leave, then stops and turns back)
And that is why I like to say......Nature....abhors a vacuum......
(He exits. The end of one of the oddest monologues I have ever seen, let alone written)
Note- the actor will have to be totally in tune with the vacuum cleaner they use – which is why I recommend Hoover vacs. Now if I could just get Hoover to advertise on my websites….
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
1 comment:
Hahaha. Made me laugh!
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