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Monologue Mania Day #468 Two Sisters (Not a Monologue renamed and revised) by Janet S. Tiger May 26, 2015
I am working on the monologue versions of this duo - but needed to tweak it from yesterday's first draft. Thanks for your patience!
Monologue Mania Day #468 Two Sisters (Not a Monologue renamed and revised) by Janet S. Tiger May 26, 2015
I am working on the monologue versions of this duo - but needed to tweak it from yesterday's first draft. Thanks for your patience!
Two Sisters
Not A Monologue (renamed and revised)
by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved 2015 tigerteam1@gmail.com
by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved 2015 tigerteam1@gmail.com
(Two sisters come
onstage, one from either side of the stage. They are on cell phones - Pam
and Lynn)
PAM - Hello? Lynn? Is that you?
LYNN – Of course it’s me! Can you hear me?
PAM - I hate your phone, I can never hear what you're saying.
LYNN - Why did you call then?
PAM - You called me, twice. One time I couldn't understand a word you were saying, the other time, well, I forget what you were calling about.
LYNN - Are you sure I called you?
PAM - Almost positive.
LYNN - Was it about Daddy?
PAM - Probably, since that's the only reason we ever talk. Is he ok?
PAM - Hello? Lynn? Is that you?
LYNN – Of course it’s me! Can you hear me?
PAM - I hate your phone, I can never hear what you're saying.
LYNN - Why did you call then?
PAM - You called me, twice. One time I couldn't understand a word you were saying, the other time, well, I forget what you were calling about.
LYNN - Are you sure I called you?
PAM - Almost positive.
LYNN - Was it about Daddy?
PAM - Probably, since that's the only reason we ever talk. Is he ok?
LYNN - He’s resting,
it’s a good day. So…..you called?
PAM - I’m
returning your call!
LYNN - I'll bet it was about the garbage pail.
PAM - What's the problem now? I know he loves the new pail.
LYNN- No, you love the new pail.
PAM - The old one smelled.
LYNN- Well, he thinks the new one smells.
PAM - He's wrong.
LYNN - Then you argue with him.
PAM - About what?
LYNN - He wants the old pail back.
PAM - I threw it out.
LYNN - I know. You moved back to town after 15 years away, and the first thing you had to do was throw out his beloved garbage pail.
PAM - So get him those bags that have the anti-odor shield.
LYNN- I got them. He has them.
PAM - So what's the problem?
LYNN - They don't work.
PAM - Says who?
LYNN - Says Daddy. And what he says, goes.
PAM - So what do you want me to do?
LYNN - Get the old pail back.
PAM - I told you - I THREW IT OUT!
LYNN - Don't yell at me! I know you threw it out - I told you not to throw it out- remember?
PAM - The old pail smelled!
LYNN - Irrelevant! He wants it back! He says the old one did not smell but the new one does, so GET THE OLD ONE BACK!
PAM - What do you expect me to do, go to the dump?
LYNN - There's a plan.
PAM - Can't you convince him that the new one is better? Or just buy that old one again from wherever you got it?
(Silence)
PAM - Did you hear me? Or is your phone on the blink again?
LYNN - I'll bet it was about the garbage pail.
PAM - What's the problem now? I know he loves the new pail.
LYNN- No, you love the new pail.
PAM - The old one smelled.
LYNN- Well, he thinks the new one smells.
PAM - He's wrong.
LYNN - Then you argue with him.
PAM - About what?
LYNN - He wants the old pail back.
PAM - I threw it out.
LYNN - I know. You moved back to town after 15 years away, and the first thing you had to do was throw out his beloved garbage pail.
PAM - So get him those bags that have the anti-odor shield.
LYNN- I got them. He has them.
PAM - So what's the problem?
LYNN - They don't work.
PAM - Says who?
LYNN - Says Daddy. And what he says, goes.
PAM - So what do you want me to do?
LYNN - Get the old pail back.
PAM - I told you - I THREW IT OUT!
LYNN - Don't yell at me! I know you threw it out - I told you not to throw it out- remember?
PAM - The old pail smelled!
LYNN - Irrelevant! He wants it back! He says the old one did not smell but the new one does, so GET THE OLD ONE BACK!
PAM - What do you expect me to do, go to the dump?
LYNN - There's a plan.
PAM - Can't you convince him that the new one is better? Or just buy that old one again from wherever you got it?
(Silence)
PAM - Did you hear me? Or is your phone on the blink again?
PAM - (Like a parrot) I can see that you are a little frustrated.
LYNN - Is that what the new therapist tells you to say when faced with a person who is READY TO MURDER YOU?
PAM - I can see that you are more than a little frustrated, how can I help you?
LYNN - How can you help me? You can find the damned garbage pail! You can stop throwing away stuff before we know if he wants it thrown away! Here’s an idea…you could at least have a …..cooling off period!
PAM - How long a cooling off period is necessary for these smelly items? One week? One month? One year?
LYNN – (A bit worried) Are there more items you've discarded?
PAM - Just some old telephones....
LYNN - (Screams) NO!!!!!!!!
PAM – Don’t yell, you’ll wake up Daddy!
LYNN - He can’t hear
me with the fifty fans he has on!
PAM - That’s another
thing that’s going to have to go….those dusty fans!
LYNN - Not the
fans….he loves those fans!
PAM - Well, it’s
still hot, I think he wants to wait until it cools off after the summer…..
But there was something else….
(Lynn starts
to look desperately around the apartment)
PAM - Well, he did tell me to get rid of all his
old shorts.....you know.... the ones from the sixties….
LYNN - (Almost sobbing) Not his favorite walking shorts! You could always buy a new fan or two, but the walking shorts - they don't make that style anymore!
Oh, God, please tell me this is a nightmare!
PAM- Your problem is you get too upset....
LYNN- I get upset? Look at who went crazy over a garbage pail! And over dusty fans and old shorts!
PAM -- Well, don't worry, I'll get replacements.....and we'll have a nice party for Daddy for his birthday......
LYNN - Which I will have to put together!
PAM - But you're so good at that!
LYNN - Thank you.....
PAM - And I am still trying to remember what the other call was about....
LYNN - You said you couldn't understand it.....
PAM - That's right! Why did you call?
LYNN - Are you sure I called?
(The two start to exit, look back at each other, smile)
PAM – Did I remember correctly…..
LYNN – Probably not…..
PAM – But did we just spend an entire conversation on an old
garbage pail?
An old smelly garbage pail?
(They start
to giggle)
LYNN – Not just any
garbage pail, one you threw out…..and
let’s not forget the walking shorts and
the old telephones….
PAM – But I want to forget them!
LYNN - Good luck with
that……
(They are
laughing now)
PAM – Then I won’t start a new discussion about the missing
dentures……
LYNN – Missing dentures?
Oh no! It’s like……. the
cliffhanger to keep you coming back for the
next episode!
PAM - And they’re all
repeats!
(They
both get hysterical)
LYNN – (Getting a hold of herself) So why did you call again?
PAM – About the birthday party! Don’t you pay attention to anything?
LYNN - I’m busy, have
to find the dentures……you didn’t see them, did you?
PAM - They weren’t
missing when I was there!
(Lynn is
about to react when she hears another noise)
LYNN - Dad’s up,
gotta go.
PAM - Give him a kiss
for me, you’re doing a great job, Lynn.
LYNN - Thank you, I’m
so glad you’re back, Pam, I missed you….
PAM - We can talk later, love ya.
LYNN – Love ya.....
(They hang up and wave at each other as they exit. Then Lynn looks surprised)
(They hang up and wave at each other as they exit. Then Lynn looks surprised)
LYNN – I remembered why I called!
(She starts
punching out numbers on her phone and exits, but never the end of this conversation!)
------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger
858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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