Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #468 Two Sisters (Not a Monologue renamed and revised) by Janet S. Tiger May 26, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day #468 Two Sisters (Not a Monologue renamed and revised) by Janet S. Tiger  May 26, 2015
           I am working on the monologue versions of this duo - but needed to tweak it from yesterday's first draft.  Thanks for your patience!
                                              Two Sisters
                               Not A Monologue (renamed and revised)  
                              by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

        (Two sisters come onstage, one from either side of the stage.  They are on cell phones - Pam and Lynn)

PAM -  Hello?  Lynn?  Is that you?

LYNN – Of course it’s me!  Can you hear me?

PAM - I hate your phone, I can never hear what you're saying.

LYNN - Why did you call then?

PAM - You called me, twice.  One time I couldn't understand a word you were saying, the other             time, well, I forget what you were calling about.

LYNN -  Are you sure I called you?

PAM - Almost positive.

LYNN - Was it about Daddy?

PAM - Probably, since that's the only reason we ever talk.  Is he ok?

LYNN -  He’s resting, it’s a good day.  So…..you called?

PAM -  I’m returning  your call!

LYNN -  I'll bet it was about the garbage pail.

PAM - What's the problem now?  I know he loves the new pail.

LYNN- No, you love the new pail.

PAM -  The old one smelled.

LYNN- Well, he thinks the new one smells.

PAM - He's wrong.

LYNN - Then you argue with him.

PAM - About what?

LYNN - He wants the old pail back.

PAM - I threw it out.

LYNN - I know.  You moved back to town after 15 years away, and the first thing you had to do           was throw out his beloved garbage pail.

PAM - So get him those bags that have the anti-odor shield.

LYNN- I got them.  He has them.

PAM -  So what's the problem?

LYNN -  They don't work.

PAM - Says who?

LYNN - Says Daddy.  And what he says, goes.

PAM - So what do you want me to do?

LYNN  - Get the old pail back.

PAM -  I told you - I THREW IT OUT!

LYNN - Don't yell at me!  I know you threw it out - I told you not to throw it out- remember?

PAM -  The old pail smelled!

LYNN - Irrelevant!  He wants it back!  He says the old one did not smell but the new one does,   so GET THE OLD ONE BACK!

PAM -  What do you expect me to do, go to the dump?

LYNN -  There's a plan.

PAM -  Can't you convince him that the new one is better?  Or just buy that old one again from    wherever you got it?


PAM -  Did you hear me?  Or is your phone on the blink again?

LYNN - I heard you.  How do you expect me to convince him when he thinks the new one          smells and the old one didn't and you never should have thrown the old one out and I             told you so!  But you never listen to me and now you are face to face with the horror of        replacing a garbage pail that is…. impossible to find. I have looked through ten stores in   person and hundreds online and that style of garbage pail - with the rectangular top that      flips open! - has been DISCONTINUED – by every company on the planet earth!

PAM - (Like a parrot)  I can see that you are a little frustrated.

LYNN -   Is that what the new therapist tells you to say when faced with a person who is             READY TO MURDER YOU?

PAM -  I can see that you are more than a little frustrated, how can I help you?

LYNN -  How can you help me?  You can find the damned garbage pail!  You can stop throwing            away stuff before we know if he wants it thrown away!  Here’s an idea…you could at            least have a      …..cooling off period!

PAM - How long a cooling off period is necessary for these smelly items?  One week?  One         month?  One year?

LYNN – (A bit worried)  Are there more items you've discarded?

PAM - Just some old telephones....

LYNN -  (Screams)  NO!!!!!!!!

PAM – Don’t yell, you’ll wake up Daddy!

LYNN -  He can’t hear me with the fifty fans he has on!

PAM -  That’s another thing that’s going to have to go….those dusty fans!

LYNN -  Not the fans….he loves those fans! 

PAM -  Well, it’s still hot, I think he wants to wait until it cools off after the summer…..
            But there was something else….

         (Lynn starts to look desperately around the apartment)

PAM  -  Well, he did tell me to get rid of all his old shorts.....you know.... the ones from the             sixties….

LYNN - (Almost sobbing)  Not his favorite walking shorts!  You could always buy a new fan or two, but the walking shorts - they don't make that style anymore! 
            Oh, God, please tell me this is a nightmare!

PAM-  Your problem is you get too upset....

LYNN- I get upset?  Look at who went crazy over a garbage pail!  And over dusty fans and old shorts!

PAM -- Well, don't worry, I'll get replacements.....and we'll have a nice party for Daddy for his    birthday......

LYNN -  Which I will have to put together!

PAM -  But you're so good at that!

LYNN -  Thank you.....

PAM -  And I am still trying to remember what the other call was about....

LYNN -  You said you couldn't understand it.....

PAM -  That's right!  Why did you call?

LYNN -  Are you sure I called? 

          (The two start to exit, look back at each other, smile)

PAM – Did I remember correctly…..

LYNN – Probably not…..

PAM – But did we just spend an entire conversation on an old garbage pail?
             An old smelly garbage pail?

          (They start to giggle)

LYNN – Not just any garbage pail, one you threw out…..and let’s not forget the walking shorts   and the old telephones….

PAM – But I want to forget them!

LYNN -  Good luck with that……

           (They are laughing now)

PAM – Then I won’t start a new discussion about the missing dentures……

LYNN – Missing dentures?  Oh no!  It’s like……. the cliffhanger to keep you coming back for    the next episode!

PAM -  And they’re all repeats!

             (They both get hysterical)

LYNN – (Getting a hold of herself)  So why did you call again?

PAM – About the birthday party!  Don’t you pay attention to anything?

LYNN -  I’m busy, have to find the dentures……you didn’t see them, did you?

PAM -  They weren’t missing when I was there!

             (Lynn is about to react when she hears another noise)

LYNN -  Dad’s up, gotta go.

PAM -  Give him a kiss for me, you’re doing a great job, Lynn.

LYNN -  Thank you, I’m so glad you’re back, Pam, I missed you….

PAM -  We can talk later, love ya. 

LYNN – Love ya.....

          (They hang up and wave at each other as they exit.  Then Lynn looks surprised)

LYNN – I remembered why I called!

           (She starts punching out numbers on her phone and exits, but never the end of this             conversation!)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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