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Monologue Mania Day #461 Replacement Costs by Janet S. Tiger May 19, 2015
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved 2015 firstname.lastname@example.org
(The person enters, is very elegant, well dressed, well mannered)
Thank you for coming, I am so glad you are here......
(Looks at the other)
My, my, the resemblance is amazing. If I'd had a child, it might very well look like you!
Would you care for a drink? This is a lovely pinot grigio.....
(Offers drink, is turned down)
Well, there's no need to drink now, but that will have to change if you take this job.
I'm sure my assistant was able to give you some of the background, but I just wanted to make sure that we met in person before.....well, before I die......
Oh, no! I am so sorry you were under that misconception! You will not have to kill me! The tumor growing in my pancreas is doing a fine job of that! No, I do not want you to hurt me, or anyone else. What I need is for you to.....how can I put this politely and clearly?....I need for you to take over my life.
(Takes a deep breath)
I'm so glad you sat down, I would hate for you to fall and hurt yourself. As you will learn - if you decide to accept this offer - I am not clumsy, I am very coordinated. And I need whoever steps into my shoes to also be very coordinated.
Otherwise, people might notice.....and that I do not want.
You see, I have had an amazing life. I have earned massive amounts of money from many companies I have started. I have had many affairs, with people in all walks of life, but many with very distinguished, educated and highly talented folks. I can afford the best of everything, travel, clothing, cars, friends.......they say money can't buy happiness, well, I can tell you that is one of the biggest lies of all!
The one thing money can't buy is......time. Yes, it has bought me a few extra months, with care from the finest doctors and hospitals. But I would trade all my money for your health, as the money can no longer buy that.......
So, because I cannot buy your health, the next best thing is ......to have you take over....as me.
I can see that you are flummoxed. I just love that word! So perfect, and it has an 'x'! I love words with x - they do well in Scrabble! That's another game you'll have to learn....along with everything else I have learned, and chosen, from the socks I wear, to the toilet paper I prefer, and every reason, because I have thought everything in my life out very carefully.
And so, in exchange for learning...everything......what I am offering you is....everything. All my worldly goods, my money, my possessions - all I have acquired.......with the very simple condition that you ....take over my life. That you...become ...me.
Easy as pie. If you accept, upon my death, you will legally take my name, and it will be your job to do as I would have done.
Run my life as I would. You will have my advisers, and all the help you need at your fingertips.
This is a very unusual job - possibly the very first of its kind. But with so much at stake in this world, with so many options for this planet......I feel that your decision will affect mankind. There, no pressure......as for remuneration, you may have it all, that is a fair cost for such an important....replacement.......
(Turns to leave, stops looks back)
You? What an interesting question! (Thinks) What will happen to you? I honestly feel that I do not care........Why, that is just another.....part of the cost......
.(Laughs and exits, into an unusual future)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8