Friday, May 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #471 The Helper by Janet S. Tiger May 29, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #471 by Janet S. Tiger  May 29, 2015
                                              The Helper
                      A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved  2015                                                                             

        (Sleazy is the word you  would use to describe this guy - he is too slick, from his hair to how he holds his cigarette.  And his smile is way too sincere to be sincere.  He nods and offers a cigarette)

So you don't smoke?  That's good, very good.  I'm glad you called, I had a feeling you would after we met in the restaurant.

I could tell you need my help......because I can tell your wife is, how should I put it politely?  Driving you nuts.

         (Jumps back quickly)

No!  How did you get that idea!  I don't wanna hurt your old lady!  I don't kill people or do stuff like that!  I help you in a different way......a way that makes your marriage a better one, without all the crap of therapy.

That interests you.....because you remember when you and your wife had fun together, back in the day, when you didn't have to beg her for it.....when she didn't nag you to death....where she liked to get dressed up to go out with you, and you were proud to be seen with her......

Well, that's what you need me for......I can make your wife appreciate ......YOU!

You heard me....I've been doing this for years, and I know exactly the best methods for each type of woman - but it all boils down to what you have going for have a job, right?  And a nice car?

Good.  This is how it works.  I bump into your wife, and I know how to use what you tell me to get her to like me, maybe it's flowers, or flattery, or just listening to her like everything she says is important.....and I will treat her very nicely, and she will want to get more involved, and I will then do all the things that will drive her nuts......I'll start asking for money, and pushing her around.....I wouldn't hit her, but I can get loud.  And I will up the drinking and smoking, and before you know it, you start to look pretty damn good!

Maybe you forget to take out the garbage, or don't give her the right birthday present, by the time I'm done, she won't care!  She'll be dressing up for you and getting your'll think it's back to the days when you first met......

      (He listens, takes out a card)

That's my rate.  You shake your head, that's okay, I know I'm expensive.  It takes a lotta work to get women to like you...and then know just the right time to get them very annoyed...... You can think on it, my friend, and give me a call, so I can get started helping you get your marriage back......

      (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Me, married?  You gotta be crazy, man!  Marriage is just....too much work!

       (He laughs as he exits, for now)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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