Monologue Mania: May 2015

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #473 Eggshell Promenade (Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger May 31, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                      first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 400!

Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
  How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #473 The Eggshell Promenade by Janet S. Tiger May 31, 2015

Eggshell Promenade
(for Caregivers Anonymous)

          (Carly stands up and walks very deliberately towards the wheelchair, then stops. She is tall, regal, and she begins to dance very lightly while humming a waltz)

I will not get into that wheelchair! I want to dance! I want to dance to the eggshell promenade!

        (The others laugh as she stops dancing so nicely and starts to tiptoe)

There....I have to be careful not to offend my mother-in-law! She was once very thin, many years ago in her youth, but time - and chicken McNuggets - have caught up with her and she is pushing 250 pounds! And no one can talk about it....it's kind of like.....the elephant in the room......

         (She pirouettes and tiptoes around the others)

And then there's my daughter, who is married to a man who has been in prison for three years.....I have to be careful not to make any remarks about incarceration.....or petty theft.....or the fact he will be getting out soon on parole and it appears he made a pen pal girlfriend while in the joint......

       (She whirls and stops, sitting in the wheelchair)

Must not forget the neighbors, who are always asking about Johnny, and when I will be putting him in a home, just because he knocks on their doors at two in the morning when I forget to put the locks on tight....(Deep sigh) You know, this is the only place where I can say whatever I want....and no one stops me, no one argues that I shouldn't feel the way I do, that I should be (disgusted) grateful! that things aren't worse! And I have to sit and listen because.....I am grateful....I do care about all these people....and....I depend on them to help me.

       (She now wheels the chair in a circle)

Wheeeeee! I'll betcha this would be lots of fun on those eggshells I've been walking on! That's my fantasy you know, to win the lotto, get a fulltime for Johnny, and then tell everyone off! I feel like that girl in that show about the professor who teaches her how to talk....what was the name of that....

       (The others call out and she nods)

That's it! My Fair Lady! I'd keep all the words about a room somewhere with lots of chocolates.....only I have a different bunch of words.....in my song, there'd be -No one's head resting on my knee or anywhere else! I'd be all by myself......and I sure wouldn't let spring creep over the windowsill either, who does she think she is this Spring person, trying to get into my nice quiet room!

       (She sighs)

My friends tell me I'd get lonely, but I would like to find that out for myself!

So, forget about my ship coming in....with my luck when it does, I'll be picking up my mother-in-law at the airport .....no, when those numbers come up.....I look forward to doing this with all my eggshell people.....

        (She gets up from the wheelchair and whirls around - finishing with a big jump as the others cheer. Blackout)

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day #472 The Ringmaster by Janet S. Tiger May 30, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for (now over) a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #472 by Janet S. Tiger May 30, 2015
For other pieces from this play, see Day # 83, and Day # 97

Ringmaster

            (Opening for Ringmaster, a full-length play that will be finished one day. The lights will be swirling and the noise is circus. The Ringmaster comes out into the spotlight - I see Whoopi Goldberg - wearing top hat and tails and shoes like a clown would wear. She has a whip, which she cracks over the stage like it was a horse.)

I just love a good whip! When I was a teacher, I found them very effective, but the principal frowned upon their use.....so I quit teaching.

But teaching was a great way to learn to be a ringmaster, my friends......the noise, the lights....the smells! All a perfect preparation for the circus.....of life.....

          (She takes a card from her pocket, throws the card into the air, takes the whip and slices it in two)

Circus of life my ass.....Tell the writers that line has got to go.

            (She reaches down and steps out of her shoes)

Along with these suckers.....

            (Underneath we see she is wearing high heels)

That's better. And that's the only stripping you are gonna see in this show......so if you want the Rockettes, you are in the wrong damn place!

Which brings me to place and time......what you are going to see here tonight is a play based very strongly in place and time.....it's easy, the place is here and the time is now.......which is....the perfect setting.....for everyone's life.......

            (Lights go up on a woman holding the bar from a trapeze)

That over there is Maya........and she is thinking about something new, something different......oh, hell, she is considering switching her toilet paper!

          (Maya takes the bar, and it separates into different rolls of toilet paper. She examines them closely)

And over here is Victoria.......who likes to be called Vicki.....

           (Lights up on a woman trying to hold about ten different things....juggling them not too well, and some things are falling)

They are both very much in their own time and place, and yet, just like in one of those science fiction movies......what happens ........when worlds collide.....

(The two women bump into each other and things go flying as the Ringmaster laughs)

And you thought this was about a circus.......maybe it is, maybe it's about the circus of life..... wait a minute, I told you, that line has got to go!

(The Ringmaster steps back shaking her whip at the wings, where a man starts running offstage with the Ringmaster following, but she stops, turns and looks back)

Pay attention to these two! I'll be back......

              (She cracks the whip as lights are up on Maya and Vicki as they start picking up the fallen items.)

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, May 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #471 The Helper by Janet S. Tiger May 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #471 by Janet S. Tiger May 29, 2015
The Helper

        (Sleazy is the word you would use to describe this guy - he is too slick, from his hair to how he holds his cigarette. And his smile is way too sincere to be sincere. He nods and offers a cigarette)

So you don't smoke? That's good, very good. I'm glad you called, I had a feeling you would after we met in the restaurant.

I could tell you need my help......because I can tell your wife is, how should I put it politely? Driving you nuts.

         (Jumps back quickly)

No! How did you get that idea! I don't wanna hurt your old lady! I don't kill people or do stuff like that! I help you in a different way......a way that makes your marriage a better one, without all the crap of therapy.

That interests you.....because you remember when you and your wife had fun together, back in the day, when you didn't have to beg her for it.....when she didn't nag you to death....where she liked to get dressed up to go out with you, and you were proud to be seen with her......

Well, that's what you need me for......I can make your wife appreciate ......YOU!

You heard me....I've been doing this for years, and I know exactly the best methods for each type of woman - but it all boils down to what you have going for you.....you have a job, right? And a nice car?

Good. This is how it works. I bump into your wife, and I know how to use what you tell me to get her to like me, maybe it's flowers, or flattery, or just listening to her like everything she says is important.....and I will treat her very nicely, and she will want to get more involved, and I will then do all the things that will drive her nuts......I'll start asking for money, and pushing her around.....I wouldn't hit her, but I can get loud. And I will up the drinking and smoking, and before you know it, you start to look pretty damn good!

Maybe you forget to take out the garbage, or don't give her the right birthday present, by the time I'm done, she won't care! She'll be dressing up for you and getting your slippers......you'll think it's back to the days when you first met......

      (He listens, takes out a card)

That's my rate. You shake your head, that's okay, I know I'm expensive. It takes a lotta work to get women to like you...and then know just the right time to get them very annoyed...... You can think on it, my friend, and give me a call, so I can get started helping you get your marriage back......

      (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Me, married? You gotta be crazy, man! Marriage is just....too much work!

       (He laughs as he exits, for now)

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #470 The Third Half by Janet S. Tiger May 28, 2015

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #470 The Third Half by Janet S. Tiger May 28, 2015
The Third Half

(for Love and Math in the Time of Chemistry)
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved 2015 tigerteam1@gmail.com

      (The girl comes out and she takes the chalk and writes on the board - or dry erase, whatever this school has! - but it's clear she is drawing a circle)

Let me try to make this clear to you, Mr. Wise Butt.......

This is one half.....

        (She indicates cutting it down the middle)

That is the half a chance you have to go out with any girl....

         (She indicates the other half)

This half is the chance you have of ever getting to go out with any girl and actually kiss her.....

   (She puts down the chalk and wipes her hands)

And the third half is the chance you have of ever going out....WITH ME!

        (She turns to leave, hears something, stops, looks back)

Did I hear you say there's no third half?    I guess you're smarter than I thought!

        (She laughs as she exits, End of scene)

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #469 Sandwishes by Janet S. Tiger May 27, 2015

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #469 Sandwishes by Janet S. Tiger May 27, 2015

Sandwishes

          (Man enters with cane, wearing sandals, sunglasses, bathing trunks, a big hat....ready for the water. He puts down a blanket, and places his hat and sunglasses on it, then takes some sand and lets it run through his fingers.)

Thank you for bringing me here, my friend. I truly appreciate you driving. It's been hard for me to drive since they took away my license.....and my car.......(laughs) .....maybe I could get a dune buggy.....that was my first car.....my Uncle Tobias got it for me when I was eight. (childlike voice) 'What kind of car is this anyway? Where's the motor?' and Uncle Toby....that's what we called him....Uncle Toby told me it had a special 'Flintstone' motor......which meant I used my feet.

Adults always told lies like that to kids because they figure the kids are too stupid to figure it out.....but I knew. It didn't matter though, I loved that buggy!

(More serious) I never thought I'd get back here .......

Funny, I got through two years in the Pacific, not a scratch. Friends got killed, or in some cases, a lifetime fungus, but me, I was just hot and sweaty and miserable for 24 months.

But when you get old, you don't need bullets to knock you over. Some stupid virus'll do it......you get a touch of pneumonia......out of commission for months!

       (Takes off his sandals and wiggles his feet in the sand)

When we would come to the beach, my mother used to ask what did I want for lunch- A sandwich or a .....sand wish? '

(Remembering) What tastes better, Mom?' That depends.....a sandwich is for right now, a sand wish is anything you make of it......

       (He lifts a handful of sand and lets it dribble through his fingers)

......wishes made of sand......are able to blow away - or you can form mighty castles .......it's up to you, that's why a sand wish.....is forever.......

And I would ask her, 'Can I have both?'

And we'd both laugh. And she's say I could eat after I finished swimming....any sandwich she had, and they were all delicious.....because after the ocean, anything tastes good.

And I'd go into the water.....just like I'm going to do now.....don't worry, just up to my ankles......

       (He turns to go into the water, hears something, stops, looks back)

What did I wish for? Can't you tell? I wished.....for this.....

        (He waves at the ocean and sand, and goes for his wade. Never the end of sandwishes)

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #468 Two Sisters (Not a Monologue renamed and revised) by Janet S. Tiger May 26, 2015

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #468 Two Sisters (Not a Monologue renamed and revised) by Janet S. Tiger May 26, 2015
I am working on the monologue versions of this duo - but needed to tweak it from yesterday's first draft. Thanks for your patience!

Two Sisters

Not A Monologue (renamed and revised)
by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved 2015 tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Two sisters come onstage, one from either side of the stage. They are on cell phones - Pam and Lynn)

PAM - Hello? Lynn? Is that you?

LYNN – Of course it’s me! Can you hear me?

PAM - I hate your phone, I can never hear what you're saying.

LYNN - Why did you call then?

PAM - You called me, twice. One time I couldn't understand a word you were saying, the other time, well, I forget what you were calling about.

LYNN - Are you sure I called you?

PAM - Almost positive.

LYNN - Was it about Daddy?

PAM - Probably, since that's the only reason we ever talk. Is he ok?

LYNN - He’s resting, it’s a good day. So…..you called?

PAM - I’m returning your call!

LYNN - I'll bet it was about the garbage pail.

PAM - What's the problem now? I know he loves the new pail.

LYNN- No, you love the new pail.

PAM - The old one smelled.

LYNN- Well, he thinks the new one smells.

PAM - He's wrong.

LYNN - Then you argue with him.

PAM - About what?

LYNN - He wants the old pail back.

PAM - I threw it out.

LYNN - I know. You moved back to town after 15 years away, and the first thing you had to do           was throw out his beloved garbage pail.

PAM - So get him those bags that have the anti-odor shield.

LYNN- I got them. He has them.

PAM - So what's the problem?

LYNN - They don't work.

PAM - Says who?

LYNN - Says Daddy. And what he says, goes.

PAM - So what do you want me to do?

LYNN - Get the old pail back.

PAM - I told you - I THREW IT OUT!

LYNN - Don't yell at me! I know you threw it out - I told you not to throw it out- remember?

PAM - The old pail smelled!

LYNN - Irrelevant! He wants it back! He says the old one did not smell but the new one does, so GET THE OLD ONE BACK!

PAM - What do you expect me to do, go to the dump?

LYNN - There's a plan.

PAM - Can't you convince him that the new one is better? Or just buy that old one again from    wherever you got it?

         (Silence)

PAM - Did you hear me? Or is your phone on the blink again?

LYNN - I heard you. How do you expect me to convince him when he thinks the new one smells and the old one didn't and you never should have thrown the old one out and I told you so! But you never listen to me and now you are face to face with the horror of replacing a garbage pail that is…. impossible to find. I have looked through ten stores in person and hundreds online and that style of garbage pail - with the rectangular top that flips open! - has been DISCONTINUED – by every company on the planet earth!

PAM - (Like a parrot) I can see that you are a little frustrated.

LYNN -   Is that what the new therapist tells you to say when faced with a person who is             READY TO MURDER YOU?

PAM - I can see that you are more than a little frustrated, how can I help you?

LYNN - How can you help me? You can find the damned garbage pail! You can stop throwing            away stuff before we know if he wants it thrown away! Here’s an idea…you could at            least have a      …..cooling off period!

PAM - How long a cooling off period is necessary for these smelly items? One week? One         month? One year?

LYNN – (A bit worried) Are there more items you've discarded?

PAM - Just some old telephones....

LYNN - (Screams) NO!!!!!!!!

PAM – Don’t yell, you’ll wake up Daddy!

LYNN - He can’t hear me with the fifty fans he has on!

PAM - That’s another thing that’s going to have to go….those dusty fans!

LYNN - Not the fans….he loves those fans!

PAM - Well, it’s still hot, I think he wants to wait until it cools off after the summer…..

But there was something else….

(Lynn starts to look desperately around the apartment)

PAM - Well, he did tell me to get rid of all his old shorts.....you know.... the ones from the sixties….

LYNN - (Almost sobbing) Not his favorite walking shorts! You could always buy a new fan or two, but the walking shorts - they don't make that style anymore!
            Oh, God, please tell me this is a nightmare!

PAM- Your problem is you get too upset....

LYNN- I get upset? Look at who went crazy over a garbage pail! And over dusty fans and old shorts!

PAM -- Well, don't worry, I'll get replacements.....and we'll have a nice party for Daddy for his    birthday......

LYNN - Which I will have to put together!

PAM - But you're so good at that!

LYNN - Thank you.....

PAM - And I am still trying to remember what the other call was about....

LYNN - You said you couldn't understand it.....

PAM - That's right! Why did you call?

LYNN - Are you sure I called?

          (The two start to exit, look back at each other, smile)

PAM – Did I remember correctly…..

LYNN – Probably not…..

PAM – But did we just spend an entire conversation on an old garbage pail?

An old smelly garbage pail?

(They start to giggle)

LYNN – Not just any garbage pail, one you threw out…..and let’s not forget the walking shorts and the old telephones….

PAM – But I want to forget them!

LYNN - Good luck with that……

(They are laughing now)

PAM – Then I won’t start a new discussion about the missing dentures……

LYNN – Missing dentures? Oh no! It’s like……. the cliffhanger to keep you coming back for the next episode!

PAM - And they’re all repeats!

(They both get hysterical)

LYNN – (Getting a hold of herself) So why did you call again?

PAM – About the birthday party! Don’t you pay attention to anything?

LYNN - I’m busy, have to find the dentures……you didn’t see them, did you?

PAM - They weren’t missing when I was there!

(Lynn is about to react when she hears another noise)

LYNN - Dad’s up, gotta go.

PAM - Give him a kiss for me, you’re doing a great job, Lynn.

LYNN - Thank you, I’m so glad you’re back, Pam, I missed you….

PAM - We can talk later, love ya.

LYNN – Love ya.....

(They hang up and wave at each other as they exit. Then Lynn looks surprised)

LYNN – I remembered why I called!

(She starts punching out numbers on her phone and exits, but never the end of this conversation!)

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day #467 Not a Monologue by Janet S. Tiger May 25, 2015

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #467 Not a Monologue by Janet S. Tiger May 25, 2015

Not a Monologue

        (Two sisters come onstage, one from either side of the stage. They are on cell phones - Pam and Lynn)

PAM - Hello? Lynn? Is that you?

LYNN - Can you hear me?

PAM - I hate your phone, I can never hear what you're saying.

LYNN - Why did you call then?

PAM - You called me, twice. One time I couldn't understand a word you were saying, the other time, well, I forget what you were calling about.

LYNN - Are you sure I called you?

PAM - Almost positive.

LYNN - Was it about Daddy?

PAM - Probably, since that's the only reason we ever talk.

LYNN - I'll bet it was about the garbage pail.

PAM - What's the problem now? I know he loves the new pail.

LYNN- No, you love the new pail.

PAM - The old one smelled

LYNN- Well, he thinks the new one smells.

PAM - He's wrong.

LYNN - Then you argue with him.

PAM - About what?

LYNN - He wants the old pail back.

PAM - I threw it out.

LYNN - I know.

PAM - So get him those bags that have the anti-odor shield.

LYNN- I got them. He has them.

PAM - So what's the problem?

LYNN - They don't work.

PAM - Says who?

LYNN - Says Daddy. And what he says, goes.

PAM - So what do you want me to do?

LYNN - Get the old pail back.

PAM - I told you - I THREW IT OUT!

LYNN - Don't yell at me! I know you threw it out - I told you not to- remember?

PAM - The old pail smelled!

LYNN - Irrelevant! He wants it back! He says the old one did not smell but the new one does, so GET THE OLD ONE BACK!

PAM - What do you expect me to do, go to the dump?

LYNN - There's a plan.

PAM - Can't you convince him that the new one is better? Or just buy that old one again from wherever you got it?

         (Silence)

PAM - Did you hear me? Or is your phone on the blink again?

LYNN - I heard you. How do you expect me to convince him when he thinks the new one smells and the old one didn't and you never should have thrown the new one out and I told you so! But you never listen to me and now you are face to face with the horror of replacing a garbage pail that has been is impossible to find. I have looked through ten stores in person and hundreds online and that style of garbage pail - with the rectangular top that flips open! - has been DISCONTINUED!

PAM - (Like a parrot) I can see that you are a little frustrated.

LYNN -   Is that what the new therapist tells you to say when faced with a person who is READY TO MURDER YOU?

PAM - I can see that you are more than a little frustrated, how can I help you?

LYNN - How can you help me? You can find the damned garbage pail! You can stop throwing away stuff before we know if he wants it thrown away!

PAM - How long a cooling off period is necessary for these smelly items?

LYNN - Are there more items you've discarded?

PAM - Just some old telephones....

LYNN - (Screams) NO!!!!!!!!

PAM - And he told me to get rid of all his old shorts.....

LYNN - (Almost sobbing) Not the walking shorts! They don't make that style anymore!
         Oh, God, please tell me this is a nightmare!

PAM- Your problem is you get too upset....

LYNN- I get upset? Look at who went crazy over a garbage pail! And over cantaloupe and old shorts!

PAM -- Well, don't worry, I'll get replacements.....and we'll have a nice party for Daddy for his birthday......

LYNN - Which I will have to put together!

PAM - But you're so good at that!

LYNN - Thank you.....

PAM - And I am still trying to remember what the other call was about....

LYNN - You said you couldn't understand it.....

PAM - That's right! Why did you call?

LYNN - Are you sure I called?

          (The two start to exit, look back at each other, smile)

PAM - We can talk later, love ya.

LYNN - Love ya.....

          (They hang up and wave at each other. Never the end of this conversation)

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #466 Fireworks by Janet S. Tiger May 24, 2015

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #466 Fireworks by Janet S. Tiger May 24, 2015

Fireworks

        (Bounding onstage, the young man is staring at the sky)

Fireworks! They're starting now! Come on everyone! I just gotta see them all! There's the opener - looks like they started with the willow, and they're gonna follow with the spider! Wow! It's fantastic!

Yeah, those are the names! It's not..(mocking)...the ones that go boom then kinda sparkle out as they fall down'! Those are called 'horsetails'! Or sometimes waterfalls.    Of course I know all the names -I used to watch fireworks from when I was a kid, in Rockaway, Long Island, New York! Every single night starting with Memorial Day until Labor Day!

And I could see better than anyone..... cause I was closer. You see, my Dad would have me on his shoulders.....and he knew all the names, because he had had a job on one of the fireworks boats after he came back from the war. He used to say, that fireworks were good, bombs were bad. Fireworks made people happy, bombs made them sad. Remember that and life would be easier for me.

And it is! My Dad got me my first job was as an assistant to the Display Operator.....it was fantastic. I even loved the smell of the fireworks after they blew.....but that's a hard job, lots of traveling..... now I get to do reviews for magazines about the fireworks displays, and which have better synchonization with the music, and whether Zambelli shows are better than Phantom Fireworks........it's like a dream come true!

It's like the fireworks are going off in my head!

        (Closes his eyes, twirls around, stops, opens his eyes)

Nope, they're real! And I wish they would never stop!

       (He now shakes his head, watching with great joy)

And look at them go! It's coming close to the climax, the finale, the end of the show when 90 per cent of all the fireworks are used! Incredible!

   (He is almost vibrating with excitement)

Why can't they go on forever?

       (He practically explodes, then stops and takes a deep breath)

But they do. They end. And the video is never the same.......so I wait until the next show, the next season......And no matter how I try....the thing is...... I still haven't figured out how to explain fireworks to someone........

        (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

To someone who's never been in love.......

       (He exits, smiling, coming back down to earth.)

-------------------------------------------

Fireworks info -http://mentalfloss.com/article/31097/names-10-fireworks-effects

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #465 Memorial Day Memories by Janet S. Tiger May 23, 2015

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #465 by Janet S. Tiger May 23, 2015

This was first run last year on Memorial Day, and I think it's a good time to bring it back as this is Memorial Day weekend.

                                    Memorial Day Memories
   (for the Senior Channel)
                                                by Janet S. Tiger
                                   (c) May 22, 2014     all rights reserved
            tigerteam1@gmail.com

(An older man comes onstage. He is in uniform and marches proudly, albeit slowly, turns sharply and salutes the audience.)

The Senior Channel has allowed me to come and address you on this Memorial Day. This is a first for the Senior Channel, as I am the first dead person who will be speaking to you. From what I have seen on this channel, probably not the last, either! You see, I died last week. Today, Memorial Day, they are burying me in the local Army cemetery.....through the magic of television and these newfangled recording devices, I have something different to say than you will probably not hear at all the parades and picnics and celebrations.

You see, I am not going to talk about all of us dead ones, although I will confess, we do appreciate hearing about ourselves. No, today I am here to honor those who did not die, but did give - and continue to give their lives.

When I entered the service, the man in charge of training us - Sgt. Edgar Kaminski was his name - he told us something I have never forgotten - every one in a uniform gives their life.

It was more than a little frightening to hear that, but then he explained.

Some of us would give the rest of our lives - by being killed in battle or from the result of wounds incurred thereof. But the rest of us - we would be giving our most precious gift, that of our time, our lives, one year, two, twenty, sixty-five - because by serving, we were giving our days, weeks, months........years .......to preserve the freedom that others before us had also worked to save.

If we lived through what we were about to go through, and many of my friends did not, we were being honored on Memorial Day just as surely as all the others who did not live to see these parades and celebrations.

So, if you see a soldier in uniform today - or any day, for that matter - please tell them you appreciate their gift of their life - so that you can live your life in freedom.

They will appreciate - on that, you have my word.

(He salutes. Turns to go, looks back)

At ease.....commence to hot dogs!

(He exits. A big thank you to all those who have given -and continue to give - their most precious gift, their lives, so that we can have a great Memorial Day in freedom!)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, May 22, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #464 Where it Goes by Janet S. Tiger May 22, 2015

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #464 Where it Goes by Janet S. Tiger May 22, 2015

            (Onstage drifts the actor, in no apparent rush, smiling, without a care in the world)

Hello, I am so happy to see you! I love being me! I have the best job in the world! What do you mean, you don't understand where you are?

You asked for it, with your incessant questions, your constant complaints, I'm surprised you have questions! I'll give you a clue........see over there.....

            (Points into the distance)

That is the valley of wasted......and over there is very misty......misty water colored memories of course!

           (Lifts a bottle from a pocket)

And of course, this is the bottle......where some is kept.

(Smiles and hums a bit of 'If I could keep time in a bottle' then waltzes to another side of the stage)

Ooh, the beautiful clothing over there is .......all in a timely fashion......

(Head falls, sighs deeply)

But beyond is the graveyard......where it has been killed....

Guessed yet?

Yes, you have come to the land of WhereTimeGoes.......you asked for it, you got it!

That's why I am in no rush - ever! Because there is always plenty of time here, because this is where time goes....after it has been wasted, and killed, and lost and misspent....piles and piles of it here....the sands of time......and I, you may have figured out.... I am the timekeeper....

          (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

And, of course my favorite....time flies like an arrow......fruit flies like a banana!

           (Skips offstage leisurely......where did the time go from this last year?)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #463 Blurbs by Janet S. Tiger May 21, 2015

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #463 Blurbs by Janet S. Tiger May 21, 2015

Blurbs

               (The man who comes out is in his fifties, carrying a pencil and small pad. He is distracted, but looks up when he sees the audience.)

Sorry, I forgot about this, hold on a minute.

              (He puts the pad and pencil carefully into a pocket)

There, I have to put things away or else I can never find them again. I tried using my phone for putting down the rough draft on the blurbs, but, I guess, old habits die hard. I grew up with pencil and paper, I don't need a battery for them!

Anyhow, I appreciate how you sent me a list of questions for the alumni review.....and I appreciate that this is still done in person. I find the Internet a little bit....well, impersonal.

As for how I do these blurbs, it isn't difficult, after all these years.....they are basically the same.

"Eleanora Barnhard was born in the town of So-and-So, Iowa, in December of 1938. Her parents, Edgar and Thomasina, were barely able to eke out a living during the Depression, so they moved the family - including Ell's 16 brothers and sisters....listed below in alphabetical order....to La Quinta, where Edgar opened a welding shop and made a fortune during World War II and after. Ellen married so and so and she had so many children and they loved her because she made delicious apple pie. She will be missed by her living siblings- list below - and her umpteen grandchildren and a little less than umpteen great-grandchildren. And if she did anything vaguely interesting, that's here, too.

About ten a day, six days a week. 50 weeks out of the year. On my vacation, my editor does them.
Thirty years, you do the math. A lot of dead folks, a lot of blurbs. Obits. Whatever you want to call them. I call them blurbs because obit is a bit about a dead person. A blurb is like a summary.....of a life. The family sends in something, it's my job to make it make sense.

        (Listens)

How did I get into this business, ......(stops to think)......I guess I gravitated toward family things because..... I was adopted, and, even though I loved my parents, the wonderful folks who raised me.....I always wondered about my birth mother.

And then, it must've been about two months ago, I go to the doctor, and he asks me about....my family history. He says, that as I ....age.......the ghosts will start to haunt me......well, his actual words were that 'in the course of time, genetic influences can affect your decisions about health care'

In other words, if I had a chance of dropping dead from a heart attack, or if there was cancer riddling my genes.

I didn't know - how could I? So my wife took it upon herself to begin her favorite hobby -nagging
me until I cave in. And cave I did. I started looking for my mother.

And......about two days into the search, I found her.

         (He is affected by this)

She had been raped and had given me up for adoption, but had left her information, in case I ever wanted to find her. She had never married, no other children. She had worked her whole life, and then she died. She had actively searched for me for years and years. And ....two days before I found her......she died.

   (He hangs his head)

She never knew she had grandchildren. She never knew....

(He turns to exit, stops, looks back)

At least, I got to write her blurb......bye, Mom......

        (He leaves, the end of this part of the story)
------------------------------------------------------

Based on a true story - thank you Phyllis. And Happy Birthday to your brother, my hubby, Stan!

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8