Thursday, February 19, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 372 by Janet S. Tiger Don't Call Me Feb. 19, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day # 372 by Janet S. Tiger Don't Call Me  Feb. 19, 2015

                                                       Don't Call Me
                                                            by Janet S. Tiger   
                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                 (An older man enters, listening on a phone, he punches numbers, shakes his head, he is very irritated)

Can anyone hear me?  I am trying to get through to you people!  Hellooooooooo!  I do not want to add any more minutes!  I just added minutes, by mistake!  I forgot I had auto-add minutes, so I made a payment that I want to reverse!

              (Pushes more buttons)

Oh, my God, is that a human?  I am so glad to talk with you!  I think I just made a payment and I had forgotten that.....yes, that's my number, I can barely hear you, can you please speak up?

I'm 92 years old for God's sake!  I can't hear you!  I need to get my money back!


What?  I didn't call you, I got a call from you.....saying my due date was approaching....that's exactly what the message said, due date is if I was expecting a baby!  And if I didn't pay, I would lose my service.  So I pushed the buttons, and paid, and now you are pushing my buttons!  I should never have received that call! 

           (Listens, steam starts to come out of ears)

Are you joking?  Of course I do not know what an inbound call center is!  And if I did I would not call it anyhow!  I hate to call you people, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!


What do you mean, you are sorry, but you have a no refund policy!  That cannot be legal!......Of course the charge was authorized, I told you the numbers myself, but if you listen to that stupid recording you make, you will hear me asking why I have to pay?  And not understanding why I have to pay for 6 months when I usually pay only for 3!

         (Starts hopping up and down)

Customer service!  I thought I was talking to customer service!  ......Hello?  ....Helloooooo?  I'm a 93 year old man, I can't take this!  Yes, I was 92 - at the beginning of this call!   Are you transferring me or hanging up on me?  Or trying to give me a heart attack?  If you kill me, I will never be your customer again!

        (Stares at phone, sadly puts it into pocket)

So I paid for six months I don't need, and they will not give me a refund.  And if I fight them, it will take me six months to get back, what, 25 dollars?  They know no one will fight, especially old people, or people who can't speak English....or busy people they have fooled into paying what they will not refund......Now, if they cheat a million people like me every month, and 100,000 of us don't fight back.....that's a....... lotta money!

         (Stamps his foot)

Dammit, if my son had only become a lawyer instead of an engineer.......maybe I'd have a sue the pants off of them......

         (Starts to walk off, stops, looks back, scratches head, nods)

Wait a minute, if they can make that much can I figure out a scam like that.....on them?

         (He smiles an evil smile, exits to a new level of dissatisfied customer)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8