Saturday, February 7, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 360 by Janet S. Tiger Migration of Inanimate Objects (for Real World Science) Feb. 7, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day# 360 by Janet S. Tiger Real World Science - Migration of Inanimate Objects   Feb. 7, 2015

                             Migration of Inanimate Objects

                                                 (for Real World Science)
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger   
                                          (c) 2015     all rights reserved

         (Scientist - from #346 -  enters, with blackboard, sheets of paper.)

Tonight's lecture about Real World Science will concern the field of Biology, specifically migration.

Biology is a fascinating study, especially in the real world, where we all live, and not under a microscope, where no one I know lives....well, movie stars may live under a figurative microscope, but since I don’t know any movie stars, my thesis still stands.

One of the ways I like to connect the different areas of science is to point out how they are related.  For example, in this chapter we will discuss the relationship between physics and biology. 

Those familiar with the Newton’s first law of physics will remember that an object at rest tends to stay at rest ......example-family members asked politely to do chores...... until acted upon by an outside force........the threat of never being allowed to watch TV, play with friends or leave the house until the age of 35.......

Thus, the connection between physics and biology is clearly visible.

But there is more to life than the visually obvious.

There is the heretofore scientifically ignored phenomenon, because, as we all know, science tends to ignore the areas that are difficult to face......such as, tonight, as I deal with the universal field of .....the migration of inanimate objects.

I am writing my Nobel acceptance speech in advance, based upon the following proofs of my thesis, which can be  duplicates by doing the experiments following this chapter.

First, let me clarify inanimate objects.  These are any of a number of objects, including, but not limited to, items of importance, replaceable and irreplaceable that weigh less than 10 pounds.   Hmm, you might ponder, doesn’t that include everything?  No.  It includes, but is not limited to, pens and pencils, eyeglasses, remote controls, keys, purses, hats, gloves, sweaters, socks, watches, combs, brushes, hairpins, letters to mail, etc.

It does not include TVs, VCRs, microwaves, and other heavy objects, which fall under different laws of physics that deal with energy and that things break down in direct proportion to how much you  need them at that specific moment.  But that's for another night.

You might postulate, aren’t all these objects inanimate, not alive?  That’s why this theory is so innovative – it finally connects the factually proven reality that unliving objects DO MOVE!

In fact, they move often, and without seeming reason, although the chaos theory is definitely a corollary here.

I have charted on the following pages the fascinating field of pen migrations, which move throughout the house on a regular basis, probably connected to the lunar tides and/or the school week.

      (Hands out pages to the audience)

As you can see, I have taken photos of my desk at night.....then in the morning.  The pens are gone....and they have appeared elsewhere.......see these pictures....

      (Holds up a page)

While we were sleeping, five pens in this very photo.....have moved into the living room!  Proof positive that they have an inherent .....ability to propel themselves through space, and, if I may be so bold to suggest.....time itself!  I say this because there have been events where pens and even larger items like staplers, from other eras!...have reappeared with no apparent logical explanation!  No one discusses these facts in the world of science because they are afraid they will be laughed at, but not I, I have no worry about others opinions!

       (Wipes forehead)

My son thinks all my theories are nuts.  He has told me so many times and all I can say about his doubts are this – he has yet to disprove any of my theories, in fact, his very screams when a valuable paper has migrated - usually to visit another room - are ad hoc proof of my concepts!

Because of the extreme busy-ness of my house, I will need to conduct many more experiments of this nature, hopefully on hairbrushes, combs and keys.  It is clear that significant funding will be necessary to further prove this theory.  Please contact me immediately if you wish to be a part of history by providing the monetary support for this scientific endeavor.

      (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

For those wondering, the funds will go to install GPS into pens, so that, once and for all, we will know what they do......when they are migrating. Do not be surprised if this involves mating of some do you think all these pens get produced?  Do you really believe those crazy stories about factories?

      (Exits, laughing....... into a new dimension of scientific discovery)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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