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Monologue Mania Day# 360 by Janet S. Tiger Real World Science - Migration of Inanimate Objects Feb. 7, 2015
Migration of Inanimate Objects
(for Real World Science)
by Janet S. Tiger
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) 2015 all rights reserved
(Scientist - from #346 - enters, with blackboard, sheets of paper.)
Tonight's lecture about Real World Science will concern the field of Biology, specifically migration.
Tonight's lecture about Real World Science will concern the field of Biology, specifically migration.
Biology is a fascinating study, especially in the real
world, where we all live, and not under a microscope, where no one I know
lives....well, movie stars may live under a figurative microscope, but since I
don’t know any movie stars, my thesis still stands.
One of the ways I like to connect the different areas of
science is to point out how they are related.
For example, in this chapter we will discuss the relationship between
physics and biology.
Those familiar with the Newton’s first law of physics
will remember that an object at rest tends to stay at rest ......example-family
members asked politely to do chores...... until acted upon by an outside force........the
threat of never being allowed to watch TV, play with friends or leave the house
until the age of 35.......
Thus, the connection between physics and biology is
clearly visible.
But there is more to life than the visually obvious.
There is the heretofore scientifically ignored
phenomenon, because, as we all know, science tends to ignore the areas that are difficult to face......such as, tonight, as I deal with the universal field of .....the migration of inanimate objects.
I am writing my Nobel acceptance speech in advance, based upon
the following proofs of my thesis, which can be duplicates by doing the
experiments following this chapter.
First, let me clarify inanimate objects. These are any of a number of objects,
including, but not limited to, items of importance, replaceable and
irreplaceable that weigh less than 10 pounds.
Hmm, you might ponder, doesn’t that include everything? No. It
includes, but is not limited to, pens and pencils, eyeglasses, remote controls,
keys, purses, hats, gloves, sweaters, socks, watches, combs, brushes, hairpins,
letters to mail, etc.
It does not include TVs, VCRs, microwaves, and other
heavy objects, which fall under different laws of physics that deal with energy
and that things break down in direct proportion to how much you need them at that specific moment. But that's for another night.
You might postulate, aren’t all these objects inanimate, not alive? That’s why this theory is so innovative – it finally connects the factually proven reality that unliving objects DO MOVE!
In fact, they move often, and without seeming reason,
although the chaos theory is definitely a corollary here.
I have charted on the following pages the fascinating field of pen migrations,
which move throughout the house on a regular basis, probably connected to the
lunar tides and/or the school week.
(Hands out pages to the audience)
(Hands out pages to the audience)
As you can see, I have taken photos of my desk at night.....then in the morning. The pens are gone....and they have appeared elsewhere.......see these pictures....
(Holds up a page)
While we were sleeping, five pens in this very photo.....have moved into the living room! Proof positive that they have an inherent .....ability to propel themselves through space, and, if I may be so bold to suggest.....time itself! I say this because there have been events where pens and even larger items like staplers, from other eras!...have reappeared with no apparent logical explanation! No one discusses these facts in the world of science because they are afraid they will be laughed at, but not I, I have no worry about others opinions!
(Wipes forehead)
My son thinks all my theories are
nuts. He has told me so many times and
all I can say about his doubts are this – he has yet to disprove any of my theories, in fact, his very screams when a valuable paper has migrated - usually to visit another room - are ad hoc proof of my concepts!
Because of the extreme busy-ness of my house, I will need
to conduct many more experiments of this nature, hopefully on hairbrushes,
combs and keys. It is clear that
significant funding will be necessary to further prove this theory. Please contact me immediately if you wish to
be a part of history by providing the monetary support for this scientific
endeavor.
(Turns to leave, stops, looks back)
For those wondering, the funds will go to install GPS into pens, so that, once and for all, we will know what they do......when they are migrating. Do not be surprised if this involves mating of some variety.......how do you think all these pens get produced? Do you really believe those crazy stories about factories?
(Exits, laughing....... into a new dimension of scientific discovery)
(Turns to leave, stops, looks back)
For those wondering, the funds will go to install GPS into pens, so that, once and for all, we will know what they do......when they are migrating. Do not be surprised if this involves mating of some variety.......how do you think all these pens get produced? Do you really believe those crazy stories about factories?
(Exits, laughing....... into a new dimension of scientific discovery)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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