Monday, February 2, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 355 by Janet S. Tiger Hoarders Anon Feb.2, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day# 356 by Janet S. Tiger Hoarders Anon Feb.2, 2015
                   Ripped from the headlines - of my life.....

                                              Hoarders Anon
                                                 by Janet S. Tiger   
                                     (c) 2015     all rights reserved 

         (Same woman from an earlier monologue - can't find it now, but will someday!- is at a meeting, standing and talking, wringing her hands)

I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself!  I have been pretty good these last few months, I have been working hard, but then, they offered it to me for free!  I was so tired, and I tried to resist, but you know how it is with free......and I really prayed and hoped for help, but this meeting wasn't for a whole month, and my sponsor was on vacation, and I know excuses are easy, but please, please understand, it was was free....

          (She breaks down, sobbing)

Don't touch me, don't come near me, just let I got so low again.......It was all the stress, the incredible pressure of my parents, who are going through a divorce at the age of 86, and then my father fell and my mother decided maybe they should reconcile, and the lawyer wants the money for the divorce, and then my best friend told me she is never going to speak to me again because she thinks I was telling her daughter how SHE'S been falling down and she didn't want her daughter to know and even though I told her her daughter might suspect she's falling because she has BRUISES all over, she still won't talk to me!

          (She walks over and gets a big wad of kleenex, blows her nose loudly)

And then, I get the notice in the mail.....

          (She pulls a paper from her pocket)

And right on it, in big letters, it said....FREE....and I know I've told you how FREE makes me react! I go crazy!  I mean, crazier than usual!  My motto is, if it's free, it's for me!

The answer to all my troubles!  One whole month!  (Says the words with relish, as if she's describing something delicious)  A big ....empty..... storage unit for free!

No more sorting, and going through piles of old letters and books and memories! No more having my family mock me as I cry while throwing things away!   And best of all.... No more decisions!

So what could I do?  I had to take it!  It!  I was just going to use it for that free month, not one day more!  I swore it would only be this one time......And so..... I moved all the junk left over from my move two years ago.....and I put it back into the storage unit where I had just removed it....only three months ago!

(Quiet, reverent) Those first few days were like heaven.....the junk was out of my house, I could stop anytime....pick up my things anytime........And then, just like the melted snow of winter, that month was gone.......the free was over.....

(Starts to wail)  Backsliding...everyone at these meetings says it happens, but now...... I feel ...... awful.....   (no longer crying, calm and rational)  and I just got the bill.......

          (She pulls it from her pocket)

.....and worse, my husband found it, and I have to go ....bring everything home!  Waaaaaaah!  Why does this happen to me? 

           (Gets ahold of herself)

So I was just wondering, since I've seen it here before at these other Hoarders Anon meetings, would you guys please help me move it all back to my garage?  

           (Listens, smiles)

Thank you!  And I promise I'll never do this again!

            (Turns to leave, stops, looks back sheepishly)

Unless I get another free month......

             (Exits, unfortunately, never the end of junk)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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