Friday, February 6, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 359 by Janet S. Tiger The Very Late Mrs. Wallaby Feb. 6, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day# 359 by Janet S. Tiger   The Very Late Mrs. Wallaby Feb. 6, 2015

                               The Very Late Mrs. Wallaby
                                                 by Janet S. Tiger   
                                          (c) 2015     all rights reserved

          (A woman enters, she is older and dressed to stun, with an enormous hat, which wiggles, and she removes)

So sorry about this little chapeau........hard to decide the best image for burning into people's memories.  I think this works well, don't you?

            (Jumps back in surprise)

Well, I suspected you may be irritated....after all, I realize you expected me to be late, but perhaps......not this late.

I mean, I am not always this late, although I have been late my whole life, in fact, my dear father used to say I would be late to my own funeral, and that's now become true, I suppose, since I had planned to die last week, but here I am, still kicking it....I believe that's what the young people say now, isn't it?

But I do prefer not dying.  This way I can see all my friends for a bit more time, and everyone is so nice when they feel it should be your last moments.  They don't want to upset you, or remind you of unpleasant things in the past.

Like stealing money from your brother when he was younger, when we were both younger.  I suppose stealing is a harsh word, I told him the larger coins were worth more, and he traded all his dimes for pennies,  Was that stealing or being too clever?

Good question.

But I did steal away my cousin's beau - he was just so handsome!  And then I married him and found out he had stolen my heart, and never returned it.  Who was the thief then?  

Which made it oh so difficult when he would gamble away the rent money.  And my cousin thanked me and we kissed and made up, and she even helped us out with the landlord.

I wonder why these things are going through my mind now, my bad life flashing in front of my eyes.
But it wasn't really a bad life, it has been a truly lovely life, and because of that, I have decided, along with the Lord's help, of course, that I am not going to die.  Not today, not tonight, not ever.  Now I suppose that sounds, I don't know, perhaps a bit....what would a good word be?......a bit.... presumptuous.  I would have to become the first person to live forever.  A big task.  I have never accomplished anything remotely close to this, not even when I was twelve, and took the bet that I could eat an entire gallon of ice cream and not regurgitate.  Which I won, incidentally. 

But this living forever involves a great deal more, I would imagine, so I will have to take a bit a rest now, as all this decision-making has rendered me exhausted. 
  Since he did say I'd be late for my own funeral,  I suppose I shall blame this on my father.

              (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)
Of course, I could be wrong.  There is always that slight possibility.  If I do die someday, please remember I tried to live forever.  As an example to all the youth of the world that anything is possible...even when it isn't.....

               (She exits....or does she?)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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