Thursday, February 26, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 379 by Janet S. Tiger Keep it in Your Pants Feb. 26, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day # 379 by Janet S. Tiger Keep it in Your Pants Feb. 26, 2015
                                Keep it in Your Pants
                                                      (for the Senior Channel)
                                                         by Janet S. Tiger   
                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

          (God comes out onstage.  The actor can represent this in any way they would like.  God is annoyed, and holding several cell phones and other electronic items.  He takes them and drops them into a box)

Thank you, Senior Channel for letting me come onto this show. 

For those of you who have never seen or talked with me, I am God.  Oh, don't give me those looks, no, I am not George Burns from the other side!

 And Morgan Freeman, now his voice is a little closer to mine, but what I look like is completely irrelevant - everyone will see me as they want.

I am here today to let all of you know something that I am truly sick about -

           (He lifts up the box - holds it above his head)

This crap!

             (He drops the box, it smashes)

Not as good as the tablets, but a nice noise......

I just have one thing to tell the world.  Now all of you know that killing is wrong, and the bad things you do are wrong, and I am not going to lecture anymore, you can get my book in any motel, but I have to say......KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!

And I don't mean what you think I mean!  I mean this stuff!

           (He picks up a cell phone, waves it at the crowd)

Put these cell phones into your pockets!  Talk to the people around you!  When you have dinner, eat your food while looking at the people eating with you! When you are going for a walk - keep it in your pants!  Look at the sky!  At the rainbows!  At the mountains, and prairies and oceans white with foam!

 Pay attention to this beautiful planet I have given you!

(Deep breath)  That's it, I have found the preaching doesn't do a lot.  Thank you for listening to me, God. 

            (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

And just remember .....thou shalt not text when driving!  For God's sake! Keep it in your pants!

            (He waves as he a burst of light)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8


JennyRedbug said...

Love this!

Eat My Words said...

I don't know how you'll ever top the opening line,
"God comes out onstage."
Thanks for this topic. We need to hear this.