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Monologue Mania Day # 364 by Janet S. Tiger Feb. 11, 2015
Final Toast
(for Celebrity)
(for Celebrity)
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) 2015 all rights reserved
(This is the young man from Celebrity Days #229 and 281 - the boyfriend of the woman who has become a celebrity. He is now upset.....and very drunk. Not a good combo. He lifts his glass)
Here's a toast.......to us.......
(He drains the glass, throws it into the fireplace)
Isn't that what they do in the movies? Then the maid cleans it up.........
(He refills another glass)
I know I'm drunk, you don't hafta tell me. Maybe I could do better as a drunk. You could love me and support me while I go to rehab. That's always good for a few covers.......Ooh, here's an idea. I could go down to the lobby in this fuckin' fancy hotel.......and I could wait until you come back from a date with Mr. Big Hollywood A-list gay guy who needs you so he can seem straight for all his lady fans.....and while you are entering the hotel, I could make a scene!
That would help, wouldn't it? I would wait until I saw some of those pappraras....papariza, pizzaraza.....the guys with the cameras......and then I could take off all my clothes and jump into the damned fountain....I wouldn't have to act, because I really am shitfaced drunk......
(He jumps onto the floor and 'splashes' around)
And...and I could.......pull you in there with me and I can guarandamntee you that would get onto national! I know Monte would tell us to wait, because I would have to....pick the day carefully.... one where no one was blowing up somebody at the United Nations, or there was no election, or no football player was beatin up his girlfriend......do this on a (imitates Monte) ....a slow news day......God the publicity for all this is more rehearsed than all the damned movies......
(Gets upset, tries to stand up, falls back)
Don't leave me....I'm sorry, I just can't stand it that you have to pretend so much! I mean, I know why this is happening and all, and there is a lotta money, and I know we need the money but...this has happened, so damn fast...and........I....I miss you. I mean, I miss us....the way we could just be....ourselves once in awhile, not just behind closed doors!
Don't you think it's funny? This guy who is (scornfully)....romancing you, he is in the closet, but out in the open ....with you! And I....me....the guy who loves you, for real......I'm the one who has to hide.
There's somethin pretty weird about this........
And....I don't know....I told you we would figure out this game, stick with it, follow Monte's instructions so you could get famous, because I know you're a really good actress.....
but I don't know.....
(He turns to leave, stops, looks back)
I don't know.......how much longer........I can keep up the act......
(He lifts his glass in a last toast, then stumbles out. End of scene)
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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