Friday, February 27, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 380 by Janet S. Tiger If you want closure.... Feb. 27, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day # 380 by Janet S. Tiger  Feb. 27, 2015
                                   If you want closure.....
                                                        (for Caregivers Anonymous)
                                                             by Janet S. Tiger   
                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

            (An older man enters, dressed in the clothes of a person who has finished a show - nice, but a bit sweaty and more than a bit tired, and carrying a wooden ventriloquist dummy)

Whooooo, I thought I'd never get here!  Ladies and gentlemen please forgive me for being late!

              (The others excuse him, laugh, offer him the floor)

I'm late because I was busy!  You might remember that, once a month, I do a fantastic show for the home where my wife is now ensconced......  That's a big word, right, dummy, I mean Danny.....

              (He picks up the dummy and doesn't even bother trying to move the mouth, just waves the arm)

 Please excuse him folks, he's very disappointed because the inmates, I mean patients, said his performance was......wooden.

               (Waves away groans)

I love going to my where my wife is, because for the first time in 35 years of marriage, she doesn't complain when she sees know why?

               (He waves the dummy at the others)

(As dummy, squeaky)  She doesn't remember who you are?

 Ooh, I wise, I have your favorite drink.....kerosene......

                 (Pours something into the mouth)

And now.......what I would like to do to most of the world.......

                  (He opens a cigarette lighter, then stops, closes the lighter, puts the dummy down), )

Can't do this with my wife's crowd, they actually go off and try to duplicate these tricks!

                  (He points to the newest in the crowd)

She's new, right?  She doesn't know what's going on, does she? 

                   (The others introduce her and he goes over, puts his face up close to hers)

I am the world's worst ventriloquist, but nobody at my wife's care center realizes, because once I finish with the three jokes I know, I can go back to the beginning and start over.  They don't care.

And now, neither do I.  My wife bitched and moaned non-stop for our entire marriage.  But then six years ago, she stopped complaining.  That's when I knew something was wrong.  The horrible part was, I liked it, the peace and quiet.

She is actually nice to me now.  Here's the part that gets me - what do I pray for?  That they find a cure for this, so she gets she can can come home and nag ME to death?  Is that what I want?  Or do I want some kind of closure?

                (He lifts the dummy)

(Squeaky)  You want closure?  Slam the coffin lid!

                 (He smacks the dummy)


                  (He puts the dummy in the chair)

I'm calling him an idiot!  Who's the dummy now?  (Quiet)  Or do I want her to just get worse and completely about your crappy choices......

               (He goes to sit down, bringing the dummy to sit with him)

Funny thing, I was raised with the idea I could go to hell when I die......but with this stuff, I dunno, maybe, just maybe, hell won't be so bad......

              (The lights flare red on him, then out.  End of scene)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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