Monologue Mania Day # 381 by Janet S. Tiger Tree of Knowledge Feb. 28, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day # 381 by Janet S. Tiger  Feb. 28, 2015
   
                                  Tree of Knowledge

                                      (with apologies to the character in Day # 379)
                                                             by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

           (A woman comes out.  She is barely covered - just the important spots.  She is eating an apple.)

Mmmm,mmmmm,mmmm, this is good.  I just love these, I don't care what he calls them, I think I'm giving it my own name.......John, Peter, Paul...Mack...that's good, a Mack apple.  Juicy and delicious.

       (She chomps down, finishes and throws the core away)

I wish we had something to put garbage in.... I hate to just throw stuff on the ground.  Maybe that snake will show me where I can get a....what would I call it.....a garbage pail.  That's a good name....I just love knowing things......what a great tree! 

         (She pulls another apple out of her skimpy outfit)

That snaky guy sure was nice.  Okay, his skin was a little slimy, but I'm sure that's just adolescence.

And I don't care what honeybunch said, I trusted him.  I mean, why do I have to listen to some faceless voice?  What did the snake call it when you hear voices?  Schizo!  I don't wanna be that.  Nope, we did the right thing eating these apples.....I mean, what could possibly go wrong when you put your mouth on something that tastes so good.....I have no regrets!  Except I look like Daisy May in this outfit, but hey, maybe there's a Nordstrom Tree Rack around here someplace.....

          (She is about to take a bite, when she hears a voice, drops down, starts trying to sneak off)

.Our father!  Now we're in for it.......I betcha we get grounded!

           (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Daddy'll never kick us out.....he just couldn't!

           (She exits, forever)

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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 380 by Janet S. Tiger If you want closure.... Feb. 27, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day # 380 by Janet S. Tiger  Feb. 27, 2015
   
                                   If you want closure.....

                                                        (for Caregivers Anonymous)
                                                             by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

            (An older man enters, dressed in the clothes of a person who has finished a show - nice, but a bit sweaty and more than a bit tired, and carrying a wooden ventriloquist dummy)

Whooooo, I thought I'd never get here!  Ladies and gentlemen please forgive me for being late!

              (The others excuse him, laugh, offer him the floor)

I'm late because I was busy!  You might remember that, once a month, I do a fantastic show for the home where my wife is now ensconced......  That's a big word, right, dummy, I mean Danny.....

              (He picks up the dummy and doesn't even bother trying to move the mouth, just waves the arm)

 Please excuse him folks, he's very disappointed because the inmates, I mean patients, said his performance was......wooden.

               (Waves away groans)

I love going to my where my wife is, because for the first time in 35 years of marriage, she doesn't complain when she sees me....you know why?

               (He waves the dummy at the others)

(As dummy, squeaky)  She doesn't remember who you are?


 Ooh, I wise guy......here, I have your favorite drink.....kerosene......

                 (Pours something into the mouth)

And now.......what I would like to do to most of the world.......

                  (He opens a cigarette lighter, then stops, closes the lighter, puts the dummy down), )

Can't do this with my wife's crowd, they actually go off and try to duplicate these tricks!

                  (He points to the newest in the crowd)

She's new, right?  She doesn't know what's going on, does she? 

                   (The others introduce her and he goes over, puts his face up close to hers)

I am the world's worst ventriloquist, but nobody at my wife's care center realizes, because once I finish with the three jokes I know, I can go back to the beginning and start over.  They don't care.

And now, neither do I.  My wife bitched and moaned non-stop for our entire marriage.  But then six years ago, she stopped complaining.  That's when I knew something was wrong.  The horrible part was, I liked it, the peace and quiet.

She is actually nice to me now.  Here's the part that gets me - what do I pray for?  That they find a cure for this, so she gets better.....so she can can come home and nag ME to death?  Is that what I want?  Or do I want some kind of closure?

                (He lifts the dummy)

(Squeaky)  You want closure?  Slam the coffin lid!

                 (He smacks the dummy)

Idiot!

                  (He puts the dummy in the chair)

I'm calling him an idiot!  Who's the dummy now?  (Quiet)  Or do I want her to just get worse and completely disappear........talk about your crappy choices......

               (He goes to sit down, bringing the dummy to sit with him)

Funny thing, I was raised with the idea I could go to hell when I die......but with this stuff, I dunno, maybe, just maybe, hell won't be so bad......

              (The lights flare red on him, then out.  End of scene)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 379 by Janet S. Tiger Keep it in Your Pants Feb. 26, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 379 by Janet S. Tiger Keep it in Your Pants Feb. 26, 2015
   
                                Keep it in Your Pants

                                                      (for the Senior Channel)
                                                         by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

          (God comes out onstage.  The actor can represent this in any way they would like.  God is annoyed, and holding several cell phones and other electronic items.  He takes them and drops them into a box)

Thank you, Senior Channel for letting me come onto this show. 

For those of you who have never seen or talked with me, I am God.  Oh, don't give me those looks, no, I am not George Burns from the other side!

 And Morgan Freeman, now his voice is a little closer to mine, but what I look like is completely irrelevant - everyone will see me as they want.

I am here today to let all of you know something that I am truly sick about -

           (He lifts up the box - holds it above his head)

This crap!

             (He drops the box, it smashes)

Not as good as the tablets, but a nice noise......

I just have one thing to tell the world.  Now all of you know that killing is wrong, and the bad things you do are wrong, and I am not going to lecture anymore, you can get my book in any motel, but I have to say......KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!

And I don't mean what you think I mean!  I mean this stuff!

           (He picks up a cell phone, waves it at the crowd)

Put these cell phones into your pockets!  Talk to the people around you!  When you have dinner, eat your food while looking at the people eating with you! When you are going for a walk - keep it in your pants!  Look at the sky!  At the rainbows!  At the mountains, and prairies and oceans white with foam!

 Pay attention to this beautiful planet I have given you!

(Deep breath)  That's it, I have found the preaching doesn't do a lot.  Thank you for listening to me, God. 

            (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

And just remember .....thou shalt not text when driving!  For God's sake! Keep it in your pants!

            (He waves as he exits.....in a burst of light)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 378 by Janet S. Tiger Doorstep Feb. 25, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day # 378 by Janet S. Tiger Doorstep Feb. 25, 2015
   
                                       Doorstep

                                                     
                                                         by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

         
            (Woman enters, on phone, listening)

Yes, dear, I understand.

            (Listens)

Yes, dear.  That sounds like a problem.  Plumbing always is.

            (Listens)

Yes, dear.  You must have had a difficult day.

            (Listens)

Yes, dear.  We have been on for awhile.  We can talk tomorrow.

            (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Well, yes, actually.  There was something today.......This morning, there was a dead man on the doorstep.........

            (She exits.  End of scene.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 377 by Janet S. Tiger Turkey Hamlet Feb. 24, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 377 by Janet S. Tiger Turkey Hamlet Feb. 24, 2015
   
                                      Turkey Hamlet

                                                            by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

                                        
            (Actor comes onstage holding a chunk of meat, staring at it with deep love)

To eat or not to eat?  That is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the gut to suffer
The pings and gasses of outrageous flatulence
Or to throw them out and avoid the troubles......

             (Takes the meat and tries to discard it, stops, can't do it)

Or by donating, end the choices.....To fry, to sousvide....
No more - and by giving to a friend we end
The heartache of the growing fat of a thousand added calories
That our flesh has hair.......and 'tis a happiness
devoutly to be dished......to bite, to chomp -
To munch - perchance to have a nightmare, ay there's the seasoning rubbed in
For in that knowledge we are eating too much
And the illnesses may shuffle us off this earth no matter how much we try to use that olive oil ....
We still choose bear claws.  There's the cholestrol
That makes calamity of so long life.....
  
           (Actor takes a big bite of the meat, wipes chin, turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Mmm, mmm, finger-lickin good...

           (Exits, sorry Will!)




 -----------------------------------------
The real one -

HAMLET: To be, or not to be--that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--

No more--and by a sleep to say we end

The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--

To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause. There's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life.

Read more at http://www.monologuearchive.com/s/shakespeare_001.html#KGQYlk1Ctdxuetw2.99

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 376 by Janet S. Tiger Throwing My Life Away Feb. 23, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day # 376 by Janet S. Tiger Throwing My Life Away Feb. 23, 2015
   
                                             Throwing My Life Away                                   

                                                            by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

               (A garbage pail sits by a chair.  A woman enters carrying a box.  She sits heavily, removes a book, laughs)

A French dictionary....amazing!  Could this be......oh, no!.......I think this was the one I used in that class in college, where I had a terrible crush on the teacher, and I studied like crazy and went to all his lectures and was the top student....until I found out he was married........now all that's left is this book......

                (She looks at the first few pages, they come off in her hand, she shakes her head.)

I can't believe I've saved all this stuff.  There must be fifty boxes in that shed......they've  been out here, for how many years?  Is it.....oh, my God!  Could it be.....19 years.....

               (She smells the paper)

And it smells.  This box must've gotten wet a long time ago, then dried, then wet, it has that lovely mildew scent.....I wonder why they don't use it for perfume.......the name could be......Memory Moldique....wait, what's the French word for mold.......

               (She carefully turns the pages)

'Moule'  Memoire Moule.......I like Moldique better, I think, more honest.    Wait, what's mildew......
....here it is......Moissure........Memoire Moissure......everything horrid always sounds better in French......that's what Jeannie used to say.  She sat next to me......I wonder where she is now.....we used to pass notes all through class.  She had a crush on him, too.....my God, what was his name?

             (She puts her head in her hands)

Amazing!  I knew I was going to marry him, and now, I cannot even think of his.....wait a minute.....

             (She opens the front cover)

Monsieur Le Grande.....Erique Legrand.......oh, no......did I actually write that?

             (She squints at the words)

Madame Erica and Monsieur Erique........I thought we were destined to be married because our names were the same!  A perfect match, and I couldn't remember his name!

             (She looks through the box)

Old papers from college, a map from when I visited my cousins in Omaha, Nebraska.  Wonder if that's still accurate?

Maybe my sister is right - I am a hoarder.  But, it feels like, I don't know, when I look at this, it brings back memories.  How will I remember these things if I toss all this?  It's as if.....when I get rid of all this stuff, it's like........like.......throwing away my life!   ....

             (She picks up the piles and holds them to her, but drops them when the smell makes her cough)

Funny, I remember people always saying you don't want to throw away your life....on a boy, on drugs..........and yet, maybe, just maybe, I'm throwing away part of my life....by holding on.......

              (She sifts through, a paper dissolving in her hand.  She sighs, then takes the box and throws the contents and the box into the garbage pail, starts to exit, stops and looks back)

Au revoir!

               (She exits.  The end ......of some clutter, but not the memories)

                                           

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 375 by Janet S. Tiger The Ma in Many Feb. 22, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 375 by Janet S. Tiger The Ma in Many  Feb. 22, 2015
     This is connected to #374 - they can be done together, with this first)

                                                         The Ma in Many

                                             

                                                            by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (A woman comes onstage, holding a glass of wine, raises a hand to get attention)

Before it gets any later, I want to make a toast...

               (She turns to look at someone)

Mom, do you have some wine?  Not too much, but enough to join us in wishing you a good year.

              (She raises her glass)

Mom - you have given me many presents, physical - many, many physical! - and others, so many others, of the emotional and spiritual kind.

Why, as a writer, do I use the word 'many' so many times in one sentence?

Because  you are a 'many' kind of person.  You have had many birthdays, and today is one of them.  89.......  And I have many of your gifts in my life - my two children - your oldest grandchildren - have your genetic material, which is sturdy and smart, and you helped us to buy our first house, where we have lived for over a quarter of a century.

I wear dresses, and blouses and underwear and bathing suits you bought me (I hate to shop!) and my home is filled with gifts from you given over these many years.  Too many to list in one tiny blog.  Too many.

Emotionally, you are strong, moving a family 3000 miles to a place where you knew no one and had no friends.  Within a few years, that had changed completely - your friends have numbered in the hundreds at times - before the years whittled down the list a bit, and you can't get around to make new ones as easily.  Also,  two falls in the last few months - too many.

  And you have  many things in your life that are good - three healthy children (physically - mental is a whole other story!) and two wonderful grandchildren who love your dearly.  You still have many friends - most younger now - and thank God, you are  still able to walk and talk and read and laugh and eat your beloved Hagen Daz Dark Chocolate bars.  One a day because you doesn't want to overdo and never be able to eat them at all ever again.  (A good motto for many things)

And ...you have many…. things.  I mean a great many things.  Your house is filled with gifts of all kinds to be given to friends.....someday. 

And you have many, many, many containers.  Of all shapes and sizes. Washed and dried carefully for future preservation in the Smithsonian.  For food you will one day need to store.  Every shape and size - because before recycling became popular, you saved.

And because you love to read - and still can! - you have many, many magazines - and newspapers.  Stacks as high as a six year old.  (At one time, the stacks were only baby height, then toddler.)  We know you will have to read a long time to read all you have hoarded....I mean saved.... and we appreciate the wonderful books and magazines you give us because we know you subscribe for a good reason - you want to win the Publishers Clearing House prize  so you can leave us a legacy of many dollars. 

And we may laugh at all this, but we know that your heart is in the right place - unfortunately there isn't much space for anything else in your house!

So what is the reason for all these many things?   We know the original, very decent reasons for becoming a hoarder.....I mean, saver.  As I like to call them - the ' road to hell' reasons- thrift (why buy something if you already have it- I might need this someday) , generosity (so and so would just love this) and saving the planet (re-use, recycle.....regift)

Doctors can debate, but the reality is what we live with, and we, the many who love you are here today to give you a special birthday gift...  we are coming together, to remove these precious, horrifying towers of crap, before they grow to King Kong size and fall and crush you some night as you head to the kitchen for your midnight ice cream!

It is a Herculean task - but we are all growing closer and laughing a lot because of it.  Because we can still laugh.  Because we'd rather laugh with you........

So we say a ‘Happy Birthday’, and promise only to give you gifts that can be eaten -Mallomars, not the healthiest, but, oh, so happy-making- and will most certainly not be saved or re-gifted.  

To another year.......we lift our glasses.....and our Mallomars (yes, we know you will share them) to toast the chances that come with the greatest gift...life.

            (She takes a swig, starts to walk off, stops, looks back)

Happy Birthday, Mom, and many, many, many  more!

             (She finishes the glass, exits)

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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 374 by Janet S. Tiger The Hoarder Responds Feb. 21, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day # 374 by Janet S. Tiger  The Hoarder Responds Feb. 21, 2015

                                          The Hoarder Responds
                                                            by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (An older woman enters.  She has on a birthday hat and is holding a glass of wine.)

Do I lift the glass now?  Are they even paying attention to me?  Nah, I don't think so.

               (She takes a big swig)

My daughter is still blithering on about something.....and now they're all laughing.

               (Laughs)

I can't hear most of what they're saying, but that's what I love about this new hearing aid.  If I can't hear, it's the stupid machine, not me anymore.  What a relief!

And now they are probably making fun of me......about all the stuff I've saved.....hoarded is the new term.  When I was younger, saving things was considered a virtue.  You got to save money, and during the war, it was even patriotic to re-use things.  Now, I wash a plastic container and I'm crazy.....okay, maybe it's a few containers......maybe a lot, but you never know, do you?  There could be a horrible war again, and no one would have containers to store food in, and then I could tell everyone...'nyah, nyah, wrap your food in newspapers, these plastic holders are just for me!

And what about when they needed something for school, paper towel rolls or empty boxes for dioramas?  I had them all!  Everything that was needed, in Mom's collection of saved stuff!  Do they remember that?  Do they care?  Maybe.....

             (Listens, smiles, takes another swig)

But they are good children.  They do take good care of me, take me out to nice meals, and bring me presents.....after telling me I should throw everything out.  Maybe I should throw out their presents first!

            (Looks around)

At least they can unify amongst themselves, better than fighting over who gets what when I'm gone...it appears they want none of it anyways, so that's one good side effect of the junk..... I don't know if they know, but I really do not care what they do with all my stuff!  I just wonder if they will throw it all away without looking, or if they'll see I saved every card they ever made for me, gave me, every silly present from when they were little, every last letter sent from every place they visited or worked or moved to.......because I know how I felt when I found all that in my father's closet when he died.  And it just helped cement how much I loved him....and how much I knew he loved me. 

           (Turns her head aside, smiles, lifts glass)

There, I think they actually did a toast, so I can go home soon.  I hope they didn't get some fancy cake!  That's all I need!  More calories!  

             (Shakes her head, waves)

I hope I don't have to say anything.......maybe if I smile a little bigger.....

            (She smiles very large.......lifts her glass)

I've had a wonderful birthday. And such lovely gifts!   Thank you all!  I'm getting a little tired, so, goodbye, everyone.   That's one of the best things about getting older, you can leave whenever you want!

            (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Where the hell am I going to put all this year's presents?

            (She shakes her head as she exits, to start another year.  Happy Birthday Mom)

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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 373 by Janet S. Tiger They Can't Take That Away Feb. 20, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day # 373 by Janet S. Tiger  They Can't Take That Away Feb. 20, 2015

                                                       
                                              They Can't Take That Away
                                                            by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

                    (A box sits onstage labeled 'Donations'.  A woman waltzes onstage, dancing with a woman's jacket in her arms as if it was a partner.  She is humming 'They Can't Take That Away')

I used to love that old song with Fred Astaire, and the dancing.  Now it means something else.  I call them to remove my remnants, but then I wonder, should I put those items in the box?  The words hum in my ears........They can't take that away....if I don't put it out for them.  But they can take that away.   And they do.  Every week.   Today I tried to collect more. 

But I am stopped by this jacket.  

       (She holds up the clothing, illustrates what she is saying)

 It is not torn or ripped - making it harder to let go.  It has the added problem....it was loaned to me by my hoarder mother.  Yes, I may have a professional organizer sister, but I am the messy sheep of the family, genetic descendent of my mother, the Queen Bee Hoarder.

My mother, who loaned me this jacket, probably doesn't recall she loaned it to me.  Not because she can't remember - thank god she has her faculties!  In fact, those faculties are the most important thing she possesses!  No, she probably doesn't recall - because she has 500 other jackets in the hoarding heaven she calls home.

Can I donate this and not tell her?  Is it the right thing to do?  The moral dilemma of this paralyzes me for a moment.  Forget my family's troubles, all the troubles of my friends, forget the world's troubles.  This hideous, out of style jacket has focused my attention on the complete unimportance of this issue.  I am paralyzed and...... embarrassed.  And in one instant, I grasp how hard it must be to quit smoking, gambling, or drugs or alcohol.

Because I am hooked on all this stuff - and the drama that surrounds it.  I am immersed in the horror that is hoarding.  No matter what the nice folks from the charities remove from in front of my house, next to my driveway, they can't take that away.....

         (She puts the jacket into the Donations box, stops looks back)

........only I can give it away.

          (She exits, one small step for a hoarder)

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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8