- for a whole year! Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.
To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 368 by Janet S. Tiger Feb. 15, 2015
Below The Happy Hoarder I have my 34 Holiday monologues
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I
realize this new concept may need a different blog, but for now, am
staying with this one, as, after a year, I have forgotten how to start a
new blog.
The Happy Hoarder - Day 1
by Janet S. Tiger
After visiting my mother's home today, I have made a decision. I am a hoarder and I do not want to be a hoarder.
I have known this for years, but now I have a goal to write about the weird things I hoard - and then discard them. I read that if you take a photo of the item to be discarded, it is easier to let go. Although I doubt this, I am going to try. (Somehow I sense I will be hoarding in the cloud)
For today's item, I have chosen blouses. That may seem like more than one item, and I hope it will be, but I fear I may not be able to choose more than one blouse to give away. For help, I am hoping to use a very mathematical method. I am donating any blouse that has a stain pattern rating beyond level three. Since this is a personal system, I will elucidate.
Level one - One stain is allowable usually no matter where it is - although directly over a chestal region can be iffy, usually you can pretend the stain just happened. You take off your sweater or jacket, and pretend to notice the stain for the first time. 'How did THAT get there?' you can exclaim, with the surprise worthy of a fine actress. Of course, you can never wear that blouse again in front of the same people, but who cares? This is a good incentive to make more friends.
Level two - Stain two creates an iffy situation - fully dependent on the geography of the stains. If one is high and one is low, you can strategically place your hands over the lower stain. However, if the two stains are close, you can use the same reaction as in the one stain scenario - the logic being whatever caused the first stain caused both. But if the stains are of different origin, near to each other, therein lies the beginning of trouble. What can you do? Does a Tide pen really work? We all know the answer to that - the answer is.....maybe.
Just to clarify - these stains referred to are old stains. Just like older people, they have a history, and their history can be happy or sad. A delicious chocolate sundae that creates a permanent stain never yields the same anger or annoyance as the spattered taco sauce from when your ex told you he was leaving you- for your 18 year old cousin- and you sputtered something unintelligible as the hot redness dripped on your brand new white silk top.
So, we are now to stain level three- the highest level attainable. Why? Because by the time there are more than two stains, you are past wearing the blouse in public, this blouse has now been reassigned to the clean-up pile of clothing- only to be worn when cleaning the bathroom or helping a hoarding friend move.
Makes some sense, right? Then why the hoarding? Because, no matter how I rationalize saving to avoid spending, I cannot find a reason to have 39 blouses that are designated as 'clean-up only'. (And that does not include the uncounted blouses in the boxes in my storage shed)
So, now, I am going to look at the blouses. And photograph them, stains and all. And then I will give them to Amvets. And pray they have a home for them......that some poor soul will pay a quarter for a stained blouse that has seen better days.
Oops, it's getting late, and it is hard to see stains at night. So I will wait until daylight, and I will sleep well, and hope to rid myself of more of this hoard......day by day. But I can have a good laugh over this because that is the way I will become....the Happy (former) Hoarder!
The Happy Hoarder - Day 1
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) 2015 all rights reserved
After visiting my mother's home today, I have made a decision. I am a hoarder and I do not want to be a hoarder.
I have known this for years, but now I have a goal to write about the weird things I hoard - and then discard them. I read that if you take a photo of the item to be discarded, it is easier to let go. Although I doubt this, I am going to try. (Somehow I sense I will be hoarding in the cloud)
For today's item, I have chosen blouses. That may seem like more than one item, and I hope it will be, but I fear I may not be able to choose more than one blouse to give away. For help, I am hoping to use a very mathematical method. I am donating any blouse that has a stain pattern rating beyond level three. Since this is a personal system, I will elucidate.
Level one - One stain is allowable usually no matter where it is - although directly over a chestal region can be iffy, usually you can pretend the stain just happened. You take off your sweater or jacket, and pretend to notice the stain for the first time. 'How did THAT get there?' you can exclaim, with the surprise worthy of a fine actress. Of course, you can never wear that blouse again in front of the same people, but who cares? This is a good incentive to make more friends.
Level two - Stain two creates an iffy situation - fully dependent on the geography of the stains. If one is high and one is low, you can strategically place your hands over the lower stain. However, if the two stains are close, you can use the same reaction as in the one stain scenario - the logic being whatever caused the first stain caused both. But if the stains are of different origin, near to each other, therein lies the beginning of trouble. What can you do? Does a Tide pen really work? We all know the answer to that - the answer is.....maybe.
Just to clarify - these stains referred to are old stains. Just like older people, they have a history, and their history can be happy or sad. A delicious chocolate sundae that creates a permanent stain never yields the same anger or annoyance as the spattered taco sauce from when your ex told you he was leaving you- for your 18 year old cousin- and you sputtered something unintelligible as the hot redness dripped on your brand new white silk top.
So, we are now to stain level three- the highest level attainable. Why? Because by the time there are more than two stains, you are past wearing the blouse in public, this blouse has now been reassigned to the clean-up pile of clothing- only to be worn when cleaning the bathroom or helping a hoarding friend move.
Makes some sense, right? Then why the hoarding? Because, no matter how I rationalize saving to avoid spending, I cannot find a reason to have 39 blouses that are designated as 'clean-up only'. (And that does not include the uncounted blouses in the boxes in my storage shed)
So, now, I am going to look at the blouses. And photograph them, stains and all. And then I will give them to Amvets. And pray they have a home for them......that some poor soul will pay a quarter for a stained blouse that has seen better days.
Oops, it's getting late, and it is hard to see stains at night. So I will wait until daylight, and I will sleep well, and hope to rid myself of more of this hoard......day by day. But I can have a good laugh over this because that is the way I will become....the Happy (former) Hoarder!
Holiday Monologues - (Click on the title and it will take you to that monologue)
I may have missed a couple, but I did a pretty good job - if you are looking for a holiday monologue- or one that involves a celebration like a birthday, anniversary, etc. there should be one for you on this list -
Valentine's Day Day # 2 - Valentine's Day Lament
Presidents Day Day # 7 - When Was President's Day
Purim - Day # 27 - Esther and the Pimple (A Purim Spiel)
St. Patrick's Day - Day # 33- The Great Corned Beef Hunt
Birthday Day # 46 - Birthday Twins
Palm Sunday Day # 60 - Psalm Psunday
Passover Day # 61 - Last Passover in Cairo
Tax Day Day # 62 The Ides of April (Tax Day)
Mother's Day Day # 64 Mother's Day
Easter Day # 67 A Rose From Death
Mother's Day Day # 88 The Unknown Mother
Memorial Day Day # 103 Memorial Day Memories
Sabbath Day # 107 1352 Sabbaths
D-Day Day # 114 M-Day
Father's Day Day # 123 Father's Daze
First Day of Summer Day # 129 First Day of Summer
4th of July Day # 142 A Benjamin Franklin Fourth
4th of July sort of Day # 143 The Anti-Fourth
Summer Story Day # 189 Cat Days of Summer
9/11 Day # 211 9/11
Rosh Hashanah Day # 224 Apples and Honey
Yom Kippur Day # 235 Day of Atonement
Halloween Day # 261 Halloweenie
Election Day Day # 265 Election Day Winner
Thanksgiving Day # 287 Giving Thanks
Thanksgiving -2 Day # 288 Stuffed
Thanksgiving - 3 Day # 289 The Day After
Pearl Harbor Day Day # 298 This is No Drill
Hanukah Day # 313 A Great Miracle Happened There
Christmas Eve Day # 314 Christmas Evie
New Year's Eve Day # 315 What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Christmas Day Day # 316 The Gift of...
New Year's Eve Day # 322 Countdown
New Year's Day Day # 323 Expiration Date
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
No comments:
Post a Comment