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Monologue Mania Day# 359 by Janet S. Tiger The Very Late Mrs. Wallaby Feb. 6, 2015
The Very Late Mrs. Wallaby
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) 2015 all rights reserved
(A woman enters, she is older and dressed to stun, with an enormous hat, which wiggles, and she removes)
(Jumps back in surprise)
Well, I suspected you may be irritated....after all, I realize you expected me to be late, but perhaps......not this late.
(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)
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I
mean, I am not always this late, although I have been late my whole
life, in fact, my dear father used to say I would be late to my own
funeral, and that's now become true, I suppose, since I had planned to
die last week, but here I am, still kicking it....I believe that's what
the young people say now, isn't it?
But I do
prefer not dying. This way I can see all my friends for a bit more
time, and everyone is so nice when they feel it should be your last
moments. They don't want to upset you, or remind you of unpleasant
things in the past.
Like stealing money from
your brother when he was younger, when we were both younger. I suppose
stealing is a harsh word, I told him the larger coins were worth more,
and he traded all his dimes for pennies, Was that stealing or being too
clever?
Good question.
But
I did steal away my cousin's beau - he was just so handsome! And then I
married him and found out he had stolen my heart, and never returned
it. Who was the thief then?
Which made it oh
so difficult when he would gamble away the rent money. And my cousin
thanked me and we kissed and made up, and she even helped us out with
the landlord.
I wonder why these things are going through my mind now, my bad life flashing in front of my eyes.
But
it wasn't really a bad life, it has been a truly lovely life, and
because of that, I have decided, along with the Lord's help, of course,
that I am not going to die. Not today, not tonight, not ever. Now I
suppose that sounds, I don't know, perhaps a bit....what would a good
word be?......a bit.... presumptuous. I would have to become the first
person to live forever. A big task. I have never accomplished anything
remotely close to this, not even when I was twelve, and took the bet
that I could eat an entire gallon of ice cream and not regurgitate.
Which I won, incidentally.
But this living forever involves a great deal more, I would imagine, so I will have to take a bit a rest now, as all this decision-making has rendered me exhausted.
But this living forever involves a great deal more, I would imagine, so I will have to take a bit a rest now, as all this decision-making has rendered me exhausted.
Since he did say I'd be late for my own funeral, I suppose I shall blame this on my father.
(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)
Of
course, I could be wrong. There is always that slight possibility. If
I do die someday, please remember I tried to live forever. As an
example to all the youth of the world that anything is possible...even when it isn't.....
(She exits....or does she?)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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