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Monologue Mania Day # 1450 Hoarders Anon - and Selling Out by Janet S. Tiger (c) Feb. 2, 2018
Ripped from the headlines - of my life.....from Day # 356 - Feb. 2, 2015!
Hoarders Anon
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) 2015 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(Same woman from an earlier monologue - can't find it now, but will someday!- is at a meeting, standing and talking, wringing her hands)
I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself! I have been pretty good these last few months, I have been working hard, but then, they offered it to me for free! I was so tired, and I tried to resist, but you know how it is with free......and I really prayed and hoped for help, but this meeting wasn't for a whole month, and my sponsor was on vacation, and I know excuses are easy, but please, please understand, it was free......it was free....
(She breaks down, sobbing)
Don't touch me, don't come near me, just let me.....explain....how I got so low again.......It was all the stress, the incredible pressure of my parents, who are going through a divorce at the age of 86, and then my father fell and my mother decided maybe they should reconcile, and the lawyer wants the money for the divorce, and then my best friend told me she is never going to speak to me again because she thinks I was telling her daughter how SHE'S been falling down and she didn't want her daughter to know and even though I told her her daughter might suspect she's falling because she has BRUISES all over, she still won't talk to me!
(She walks over and gets a big wad of kleenex, blows her nose loudly)
And then, I get the notice in the mail.....
(She pulls a paper from her pocket)
And right on it, in big letters, it said....FREE....and I know I've told you how FREE makes me react! I go crazy! I mean, crazier than usual! My motto is, if it's free, it's for me!
The answer to all my troubles! One whole month! (Says the words with relish, as if she's describing something delicious) A big ....empty..... storage unit for free!
No more sorting, and going through piles of old letters and books and memories! No more having my family mock me as I cry while throwing things away! And best of all.... No more decisions!
So what could I do? I had to take it! It was...free! I was just going to use it for that free month, not one day more! I swore it would only be this one time......And so..... I moved all the junk left over from my move two years ago.....and I put it back into the storage unit where I had just removed it....only three months ago!
(Quiet, reverent) Those first few days were like heaven.....the junk was out of my house, I could stop anytime....pick up my things anytime........And then, just like the melted snow of winter, that month was gone.......the free was over.....
(Starts to wail) Backsliding...everyone at these meetings says it happens, but now...... I feel so.........useless......so worthless.....so ...... awful..... (no longer crying, calm and rational) and I just got the bill.......
(She pulls it from her pocket)
.....and worse, my husband found it, and I have to go ....bring everything home! Waaaaaaah! Why does this happen to me?
(Gets ahold of herself)
So I was just wondering, since I've seen it here before at these other Hoarders Anon meetings, would you guys please help me move it all back to my garage?
(Listens, smiles)
Thank you! And I promise I'll never do this again!
(Turns to leave, stops, looks back sheepishly)
Unless I get another free month......
(Exits, unfortunately, never the end of junk)
-------------------------------------------------------------
And now for something new - albeit not really a monologue (I just love using the word albeit!)
Selling Out
Only 10 more days until the end of Year 4! (And everyone said I was nuts to try one year....)
And now I face an issue that is important -
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(Same woman from an earlier monologue - can't find it now, but will someday!- is at a meeting, standing and talking, wringing her hands)
I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself! I have been pretty good these last few months, I have been working hard, but then, they offered it to me for free! I was so tired, and I tried to resist, but you know how it is with free......and I really prayed and hoped for help, but this meeting wasn't for a whole month, and my sponsor was on vacation, and I know excuses are easy, but please, please understand, it was free......it was free....
(She breaks down, sobbing)
Don't touch me, don't come near me, just let me.....explain....how I got so low again.......It was all the stress, the incredible pressure of my parents, who are going through a divorce at the age of 86, and then my father fell and my mother decided maybe they should reconcile, and the lawyer wants the money for the divorce, and then my best friend told me she is never going to speak to me again because she thinks I was telling her daughter how SHE'S been falling down and she didn't want her daughter to know and even though I told her her daughter might suspect she's falling because she has BRUISES all over, she still won't talk to me!
(She walks over and gets a big wad of kleenex, blows her nose loudly)
And then, I get the notice in the mail.....
(She pulls a paper from her pocket)
And right on it, in big letters, it said....FREE....and I know I've told you how FREE makes me react! I go crazy! I mean, crazier than usual! My motto is, if it's free, it's for me!
The answer to all my troubles! One whole month! (Says the words with relish, as if she's describing something delicious) A big ....empty..... storage unit for free!
No more sorting, and going through piles of old letters and books and memories! No more having my family mock me as I cry while throwing things away! And best of all.... No more decisions!
So what could I do? I had to take it! It was...free! I was just going to use it for that free month, not one day more! I swore it would only be this one time......And so..... I moved all the junk left over from my move two years ago.....and I put it back into the storage unit where I had just removed it....only three months ago!
(Quiet, reverent) Those first few days were like heaven.....the junk was out of my house, I could stop anytime....pick up my things anytime........And then, just like the melted snow of winter, that month was gone.......the free was over.....
(Starts to wail) Backsliding...everyone at these meetings says it happens, but now...... I feel so.........useless......so worthless.....so ...... awful..... (no longer crying, calm and rational) and I just got the bill.......
(She pulls it from her pocket)
.....and worse, my husband found it, and I have to go ....bring everything home! Waaaaaaah! Why does this happen to me?
(Gets ahold of herself)
So I was just wondering, since I've seen it here before at these other Hoarders Anon meetings, would you guys please help me move it all back to my garage?
(Listens, smiles)
Thank you! And I promise I'll never do this again!
(Turns to leave, stops, looks back sheepishly)
Unless I get another free month......
(Exits, unfortunately, never the end of junk)
-------------------------------------------------------------
And now for something new - albeit not really a monologue (I just love using the word albeit!)
Selling Out
Only 10 more days until the end of Year 4! (And everyone said I was nuts to try one year....)
And now I face an issue that is important -
To advertise or not to advertise.
There is an option to put ads on this blog.
Would anyone mind?
Apple and Google and FB are worth a zillion dollars, is it wrong for me to want 10 cents of it?
Please let me know! Thank you for reading - and commenting - and sharing!
There is an option to put ads on this blog.
Would anyone mind?
Apple and Google and FB are worth a zillion dollars, is it wrong for me to want 10 cents of it?
Please let me know! Thank you for reading - and commenting - and sharing!
-----------------------------------------------------
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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