Saturday, March 10, 2018

Monologue Mania Day # 1487 Funeral Dates by Janet S. Tiger (c) March 11, 2018

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Monologue Mania Day # 1487 Funeral Dates by Janet S. Tiger (c) March 11, 2018      

                                           Funeral Dates
                                                  A monologue by Janet S. Tiger 
                                                   © 2018 all rights reserved 

       (Older woman comes in, dressed in black, with a sunhat)

So it's the funeral of my father, my father you understand, who I took care of for ten years, who I am crying for, and she comes up to me and says, (Imitates) 'Oh, Sandra, I am going to find you a nice husband!  I promised your father that if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to find you a nice husband!'

What the hell am I supposed to say?  Thank you?  Sorry my eyes are so puffy and swollen so you can't take a good photo of me, but my father just died and we are now putting him into the ground, and this is what you want to tell me?

That you want to match me up with someone - who is this magical person?


And by the way, who will this person be?  A handsome guy, in his 40s, so he can take care of me as I get older?  A rich guy, with no family to bother me, and no previous marriages, and no children running around?  Is that the guy?

I don't think, my instinct is that this guy will be what, 71?  81?  91?  And he will want... A NURSE!  And best of all, he will want a nurse he can bang!

So....when you talk to him about me, please let him know.....I don't cook, I don't clean, and I am past banging!  

    (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Oh, and by the way, tell him I  that I also like big diamonds! 

     (She exits, laughing on a day which is usually solemn)       
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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