Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 500!
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 500!
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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(He hangs up and storms out, never the end of cable trouble)
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
Monologue Mania Day #519 The Un-cable Guy by Janet S. Tiger July 16, 2015
The Un -Cable Guy
(for The Senior Channel - or Two Sisters, not sure yet)
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved tigerteam1@gmail.com
(Older man in pajamas comes out on a cordless phone. He is shaking his head)
Don't put me on hold again! No!!!!!
(He screams and then stops)
More of that rappy music....it should be called crappy! Put on some Mozart! No one hates Mozart! I heard that Snoop Dogg likes Mozart! And I don't even know who Snoop Dogg is!
(Listens, shakes head)
I need to get dressed! I have been on hold for 25 years! Okay, maybe 25 minutes, but at my age, it seems like years!
(He now starts to take off his pajama top and switch to a shirt - this is hard)
I am trying to dress because I know that you will come back when I am busy, like in the bathroom! wait, did I go to the bathroom yet?
(He now retraces his steps)
I did......oh, boy.....where will it end? They send a spaceship to Pluto...Pluto! But I cannot talk to a human who will help with my cable bill! Hello! Hello....is that a real human.....I might faint, but then I'd lose my place! What's your name? My son always tells me to get the name of the person I'm talking to - and robots don't count!
(He looks for a pen and paper, gives up, writes in the air)
Gloriana.......very nice....I like new names I never heard before.....Gloriana, pretty.....I hope you can help me because I do not understand my bill...... yes.....that's my correct number....the secret code word is.....oh, no....what is it?.......okay, thanks for the password hint....the word is.......kittykat.....
Yes, I like cats.....not in my house, but those videos online. That's what my son showed me how to find, so I can occupy my rapidly diminishing time on this planet watching videos of cats doing stupid things while I wonder about people who film these cats and the idiots who watch them....like me!
Yes, yes, I have a problem....a bill that is $100.00! ......Okay, it's only $99.87! So what! That's $100.00 rounded up! To the nearest 100! And all I want is one channel! The History Channel! And that's it! I don't need news - I get a paper, and I don't need old TV shows, I AM an old TV show! All I need is the history channel!
And I do not want to pay $100.00 for it! Do you understand? If you do the math, the division, that's like paying....$100 for ONE SHOW!
(Listens)
So where are all the deals I see on TV? Why can't I get those? ......Then cancel my two year contract! I probably won't be alive in two years anyhow!
(Listens) What? What's the offer? Same price, but MORE shows? (Slowly) Did ....not ....you... hear.... me? I want one show! For a fair price! I figure there are a million channels I do not use, and all I want is ONE, so that would be 100 divided by a million, I should be paying you.....a tenth of a cent for my ONE SHOW!
Maybe I got mixed up with the decimals, I would be prepared to go as high as ONE DOLLAR! But no more!
(Listens)
Yes, cancel the whole thing! (Listens, amazed) So, canceling will cost me $352? So I would be paying $352 for ABSOLUTELY NO SHOWS AT ALL? I'm gonna nominate you for President......Iran wouldn't have a chance against your logic!
(Listens) Yes, I still want the History channel......I understand.....
(Breathes deeply, his shoulders sag) You win, I give up. I'm too old to fight anymore...especially against such logic....... No, keep it like it is.....no changes....$100.00 a month.....for one channel......you have a nice day, too......
(He turns to leave, stops, looks back)
But no, I do not want to take your lousy survey!
The Un -Cable Guy
(for The Senior Channel - or Two Sisters, not sure yet)
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved tigerteam1@gmail.com
(Older man in pajamas comes out on a cordless phone. He is shaking his head)
Don't put me on hold again! No!!!!!
(He screams and then stops)
More of that rappy music....it should be called crappy! Put on some Mozart! No one hates Mozart! I heard that Snoop Dogg likes Mozart! And I don't even know who Snoop Dogg is!
(Listens, shakes head)
I need to get dressed! I have been on hold for 25 years! Okay, maybe 25 minutes, but at my age, it seems like years!
(He now starts to take off his pajama top and switch to a shirt - this is hard)
I am trying to dress because I know that you will come back when I am busy, like in the bathroom! wait, did I go to the bathroom yet?
(He now retraces his steps)
I did......oh, boy.....where will it end? They send a spaceship to Pluto...Pluto! But I cannot talk to a human who will help with my cable bill! Hello! Hello....is that a real human.....I might faint, but then I'd lose my place! What's your name? My son always tells me to get the name of the person I'm talking to - and robots don't count!
(He looks for a pen and paper, gives up, writes in the air)
Gloriana.......very nice....I like new names I never heard before.....Gloriana, pretty.....I hope you can help me because I do not understand my bill...... yes.....that's my correct number....the secret code word is.....oh, no....what is it?.......okay, thanks for the password hint....the word is.......kittykat.....
Yes, I like cats.....not in my house, but those videos online. That's what my son showed me how to find, so I can occupy my rapidly diminishing time on this planet watching videos of cats doing stupid things while I wonder about people who film these cats and the idiots who watch them....like me!
Yes, yes, I have a problem....a bill that is $100.00! ......Okay, it's only $99.87! So what! That's $100.00 rounded up! To the nearest 100! And all I want is one channel! The History Channel! And that's it! I don't need news - I get a paper, and I don't need old TV shows, I AM an old TV show! All I need is the history channel!
And I do not want to pay $100.00 for it! Do you understand? If you do the math, the division, that's like paying....$100 for ONE SHOW!
(Listens)
So where are all the deals I see on TV? Why can't I get those? ......Then cancel my two year contract! I probably won't be alive in two years anyhow!
(Listens) What? What's the offer? Same price, but MORE shows? (Slowly) Did ....not ....you... hear.... me? I want one show! For a fair price! I figure there are a million channels I do not use, and all I want is ONE, so that would be 100 divided by a million, I should be paying you.....a tenth of a cent for my ONE SHOW!
Maybe I got mixed up with the decimals, I would be prepared to go as high as ONE DOLLAR! But no more!
(Listens)
Yes, cancel the whole thing! (Listens, amazed) So, canceling will cost me $352? So I would be paying $352 for ABSOLUTELY NO SHOWS AT ALL? I'm gonna nominate you for President......Iran wouldn't have a chance against your logic!
(Listens) Yes, I still want the History channel......I understand.....
(Breathes deeply, his shoulders sag) You win, I give up. I'm too old to fight anymore...especially against such logic....... No, keep it like it is.....no changes....$100.00 a month.....for one channel......you have a nice day, too......
(He turns to leave, stops, looks back)
But no, I do not want to take your lousy survey!
(He hangs up and storms out, never the end of cable trouble)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
1 comment:
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh! I love this guy!
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