Saturday, July 11, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #514 Almost the End (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger July 11, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #514 Almost the End (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger  July 11, 2015

                The new monologue section is at the end of yesterday's piece - it is in bold - this will be close to the very end of Caregivers Anonymous

                              Almost the End
                                            (for Caregivers Anonymous)                             
                          A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved                                                                                            

           (The woman has a big box that she brings and puts onto the wheelchair.  She is smiling, but one can sense that is covering a little crazy - maybe not covering it so well, either)

Hi everyone!  I just wanted to come back to visit everyone before I send in my paperwork for the Shark Tank....I figure you could help me improve my pitch to them.....because you see, I have the greatest new idea in the whole world, an idea no one has ever seen before......TRAVEL TOYS!

             (The group looks a bit surprised)

Oh, maybe I should say right away that these are travel toys.....for seniors!

There are over 34 million unpaid caregivers in the US alone, and when you are taking care of seniors,  it's a lot like taking care of children.....maybe that's why they call it...second childhood!

Well, when you have to keep a senior occupied for hours, days, without help, you need to have something that will give you that help......Senior Travel Toys!

            (She opens the box and removes keys, shakes them)

Remember how a one year old loves to play with keys...well, so do seniors!  And these look just like real keys!  They make all the same noises that your car keys do - only your senior will not be able to drive with them!  They can't start the car, drive down the street, crash into anyone!  But they won't be able to remember that for long, so you can use them almost every day!  Now this....

         (She pulls a book from the box)

This is a book that can talk!  And you can put in photos from the senior's family!  And it will keep them occupied for you can make dinner or do the wash!  A truly great literary aid.

But this.....this is the best.....

           (She takes out a phone)
This looks like a real phone, and you can even dial.......

           (She pokes at the buttons)

But doesn't work!  And they can't figure out why!
These are all part of my invention.....and for just a million dollars, you can have 50% of what has got to be the greatest opportunity of a lifetime!

          (The others are laughing, all except for the soldier's wife, who is horrified.  She stands and looks at the group)

WIFE - What are you all laughing about - this is the most horrible thing that I have ever seen!  And you all encourage this!  I have been listening all night and I don't understand who allows a group like this to continue!  I am going to report you all!

         (She turns to go and the leader stops her)

LEADER -  We listened to you talk about how you wanted to kill your husband.....and no one complained, and do you know why?  Because we have all been there, where you are today.  And we are all there for each other, every day....because we all hate those we love sometimes......but most of all, we love them, and we come here so we can continue to care.....and take if you want to complain, we will listen....but never, do you hear us?  Never, threaten to stop us........


Because we will hunt you down, and we will.....(gets very serious in her face)  ...we will make you sorry that you ever tried to make trouble for us.....we will......(hisses)....make you take care of all of our people!  We will bring them all over to your house and YOU can watch them while WE take some time off!  Think carefully what you want to do, you have trouble taking care of ONE, how do you think you can handle.....a WHOLE ARMY?

       (The others laugh and the wife is confused)

WIFE   - (Smiling)  You people are all nuts!

LEADER-  There is no argument!  But we have to have a place where we can all be ourselves without anyone watching.....we can laugh and cry and say horrible things about the people we take care of.....   can make fun of second childhood, and can joke about having a puppet with more brains.......and can think about offing the one you love..........something which everyone here can admit to thinking about at one time or another.....

OTHER PERSON THERE (Will think of name later) -  Not me!  I never would consider that....

LEADER -  Everyone who is HONEST can admit to thinking about this.....and no one here judges us.......There have been a few attempts to do articles and TV shows about our little group.....but we have wisely resisted, because we need to retain our tell the truth...

WIFE -  (Almost crying)  The truth, I don't think I can handle the truth......

         (The group mocks her using the movie accent)

GROUP -  The truth....I don't think you can handle THE TRUTH....

         (She laughs in spite of herself)

LEADER - You look like you might be ready for hug....

         (The others go to hug her, she holds up her hand, they stop)

WIFE -  Maybe not quite yet..... 

LEADER -  We understand - we will never force you to be hugged!  That's a promise....but at least answer one you still want to kill your husband?

WIFE - (Sighs heavily)  I guess...not tonight.....

LEADER -  Good......I know we sound horrible, but  whenever I hear of some abuse case, I always notice that those folks had no support have to have a support system!

MAN -   Kind of like a jockstrap for all us nuts!

LEADER -  Think about it, honey.....we are part of THE ONLY anonymous group where you are miserable when you join......and miserable when you leave.

WIFE -  (Confused)  Wha......

WOMAN -  Everyone wants to finish drinking.....they are happy to get out of AA....

MAN -  And gambling may be hard to quit, but everyone is happy to graduate from Gamblers Anonymous  .....

WOMAN -  And Narcotics Anonymous....

MAN - And Sexaholics Anonymous.....well, maybe not them....

LEADER -  But when you leave our's never for a happy reason......if your person is now in a home, it's because they are sicker.......or worse, if they pass.....well, that is possibly the most painful.......

WIFE -  Never thought of it like that.....

LEADER -  Well, please do, as we are about to close up tonight's meeting - we had a great time, didn't we folks?

           (The group reacts with cheers)

LEADER -  And honey, we will give you a list of names you can call when you get to the end of your rope......and we will encourage you to come here every week, because you need a moment for yourself, and after a few weeks, or months, you will figure this out, and get a second night a week to go see a movie, or visit a friend......and we do this.because we may not be able to solve your problems....only you can do that, but we can offer you a lifeline, we can offer you a donut......we can offer you a laugh or two.....we can offer you a hug.....

            (She indicates a hug is ok now, and they surround her and hug.)

LEADER -   We can offer you that most needed of all commodities....hope......

             (The group freezes for a moment, then full lights come up)

LEADER -  And because we want to help others....we are opening the conversation right here and now......

             (Members of the group start to walk into the audience)

LEADER - All our cast members have pamphlets with information for caregivers......if you are here tonight, or if you know a caregiver.....please share this help with them......and thank you for coming.......take care getting home.....

             (As the cast finishes leaving the stage, the stage lights go dim, except for a final spot on the wheelchair, where someone has placed the box of donuts.  Never the end for caregivers......god bless us all)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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