Thursday, July 9, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #512 The Woman Who Sold Her Soul for a Plum Tree by Janet S. Tiger July 9, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #512 The Woman Who Sold Her Soul for a Plum Tree by Janet S. Tiger  July 9, 2015

             This is a duo - but I will try to split it into two monologues.....one of these days!

               The Woman Who Sold Her Soul for a Plum Tree
                                                                                     
                          (Not)  A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved                                                                                              tigerteam1@gmail.com        

              (Two actors - the devil and the woman - will face each other.  The devil is nice looking,  
              smooth, the woman cheerful and holding a basket)

DEVIL - This is a story about a woman....

WOMAN -  That would be me!

DEVIL - Who was walking in the forest one day....

 WOMAN - Why don't you let me tell the story?

              (She hands the basket to him and starts walking around the stage)

WOMAN -  There, you be the tree......

DEVIL -  Typical...

WOMAN -  Someone got out of hell on the wrong side of the fire this morning....

            (The devil smiles and shakes his head as she continues walking)

WOMAN -  I love to walk!  And in the morning, near my house, is the most beautiful group of trees!  I have been walking amongst them for years, and I consider them to be some of my dearest friends...

DEVIL -  She talks to them....

WOMAN -  Well of course I do!  And they talk back!  And they have lovely big feet.....

              (She indicates the devil's shoes)

DEVIL -  Most people call them roots...

WOMAN - Most people lead lives of quiet desperation!

DEVIL -  But not you, my dear, you are never quiet!

WOMAN -  Thank you!  Anyhow, to make a long story short....

DEVIL -  Too late....

WOMAN -  One day, I saw this most beautiful plum tree.....I thought I knew every tree personally, but I guess I had missed it, or it had never bloomed, or I was lost, who knows?  But there it was.....

           (She goes to the devil and looks up, caressing his hair)

WOMAN -  Such a lovely canopy of leaves!  And the fruit!

            (She reaches into the basket and takes a plum, looks at it with loving eyes)

WOMAN -  The fruit was PERFECT!  It was that dark red purple, with a slight dust of powder, just ready to eat......So I.....

             (She takes a bottle of water from her pocket)

WOMAN -  I washed it off!  Can't be too careful in the forest.....maybe someone used pesticides....

              (She dries the fruit, then rubs it on her face adoringly)

WOMAN - So beautiful....

DEVIL -  I will not even begin to to mention all the Freudian references here.....

WOMAN -  Oh, hush, you're just a big cynic, that's all! 

                 (She takes a big bite of the plum, wipes her lips)

WOMAN -  Ecstasy!  Sweet and juicy, and just the right tartness from the skin!

               (She picks some fruit and puts it into the basket, taking it from him)

DEVIL -  But this is not yours to take!

               (She pulls on the basket)

DEVIL - Uh, uh, uh!  These are mine!  I own this land and YOU are trespessing!

WOMAN -  I didn't see any signs!

DEVIL -  So get some new glasses....

WOMAN -  I've been walking here for years....

DEVIL -  So?

WOMAN -  So?

DEVIL -  You heard me - so?  I don't care if you've been walking around the entire world for years, this is my property and I own it, and if you want these plums, you will have to.....

            (Puts hand on head, scratches)

WOMAN - Have to what?

DEVIL - I'm thinking!

WOMAN -  Well, think fast, I have to get home to feed my dogs....

DEVIL -  Funny, you look more like a cat person...

WOMAN -  People tell me that ...

DEVIL -  Why aren't your dogs with you now?

WOMAN -  I don't walk them in the forest - might lose them, no the forest time is for me.....
          and I don't appreciate you interrupting it!

DEVIL -  Me?  You're the one picking my fruit...off my tree!

WOMAN -  So what do I have to do to pick fruit.....do you want money?

             (She reaches into a pocket and removes a wallet)

DEVIL -  I don't want your money....

WOMAN -  (Annoyed)  Then what, for God's sake, do you want?

DEVIL -  Please!

WOMAN -  Sorry, I forgot who I was speaking with....

DEVIL -  I'll tell you what I want....

WOMAN -  Please, do!

DEVIL -  I want.....your soul......

WOMAN -  Okay......

           (The devil is surprised, but then she leans over and removes her shoe, taking out the insert)

DEVIL -  I said your SOUL!  Not your insole!

WOMAN -  No backsies!

            (She hands the insole to him, he holds it in two fingers)

 DEVIL -  What am I going to do with this, for God's sake?

WOMAN - What?

             (He looks up)

DEVIL -  Sorry!

              (He turns back to her, waving the insole)

DEVIL -  I said SOUL!  As in your eternal!

WOMAN -  No, you said SOLE - I heard you very clearly.

DEVIL -  You do realize who I am?

WOMAN -  Pretty good idea, you are another very annoying man who likes to quibble about words!  But you are nice looking, so I will be kind and offer you the other sole.....

              (She takes out the other insert)

WOMAN -  These are much better as a pair, and I get them at the dollar store, so this was awonderful deal, thank you very much!

DEVIL -  (Sputtering)  We had  no deal!

WOMAN -  Oh yes we did!  My father was trader in the stock market, cows and chickens and stock like that....and he taught me well - when you are offered a good deal, take it and run!  Now I can't run with the plum tree, but I figure your word is your bond, right?

DEVIL -  (Still sputtering)  But...you can't do this to ME!  I'll ...I'll take you to court!

WOMAN -  I realize you have all the lawyers down there, but I think Judge Judy will be on my side!  She believes in oral contracts you know......

DEVIL -  (Outwitted, almost defeated)  But my lawyers......I do have a lot of incredible lawyers...

WOMAN -  (Triumphant)  But you can't use lawyers in small claims - you would have to represent yourself!  And how would it look to everyone?  You would have a lot of trouble convincing people after a public trial - and all the youtube afterwards!  I can see the headlines now.....

            (She holds up her hands)

WOMAN -  Judge Judy prevails -.devil loses!

DEVIL -  (Quickly)  All right!  I got it!  It's your tree!

WOMAN -  Thank you....

             (She takes the basket and turns to leave.)

WOMAN -  Here, you can have a few....

            (She reaches into the basket and hands over a few of the plums to the devil, who takes a bite)

DEVIL -  They are good....

WOMAN -  You really should wash those first.....so when did you move into the old Langly place, Mr......what was your name?

DEVIL -  Deville......Eric Deville........and your name is....

WOMAN -  Eve......

DEVIL -  (Perks up)  So, do you like...apples?

WOMAN -  Hate 'em!   Didn't I tell you....I like plums!

             (He laughs and she joins him, he turns to the audience)

DEVIL -  And that's how we met....

             (She takes his hand)

WOMAN -  And how I sold .......my soul.....

               (They exit, hand in hand, still arguing into the sunset)


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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
  

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