first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org. Some days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit. Hope they are improved!
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Monologue Mania Day # 432 by Janet S. Tiger The Truth April 20, 2015
For other Caregivers anonymous monologues, see Days # 268 Day # 270, 271, 273, 284, 285, 286,317, 380
Warning - strong language and topics
(for Caregivers Anonymous)
by Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved
(The woman comes to the center of the group, she is slightly inebriated, trying not to show it, but decides she doesn't care, removes a flask from a pocket of her large sweater and takes a big swig, hears the group's reaction and shakes her head)
Oh, shut up! You all know how I'm feeling right now - and I need this drink. I'm no alcoholic, this is my only bottle of booze in the house, but tonight, tonight, I just feel, like....I need it.
Everyone here understands, that's why I still come. I hate the way I'm feeling right now, but someone has to be honest with the new girl, she has a right to know. She wants....the truth. She needs ...the truth. (Imitates) Honey, you can't handle the truth! (Laughs) She wants to know what everyone here knows. Well, I'll tell you the truth...... that it's bad, that it's not easy, and....best of all....it gets worse!
(She laughs and takes another swallow)
I'm not exactly sure how it gets worse, but I am sure gonna find out! Because there is no end for what we do......not even death gets us out of the caregiver role....one of our dead members came to me in a dream last night....she said, she's up in heaven all right, but St. Peter's got the gout and it's her job to make sure he eats right! (Laughs) And when he can't stand up to help people into the gates, she gets to do it, and it's not a great job either!
Hey new girl, with the husband you wanna kill? Maybe if you kill him, you get to go to hell, and then you'll be taking care of the devil when he gets hemmorhoids! Whoooo, this stuff gets me on a roll!
(She drops to her knees)
I'm so tired, I'm so fucking tired! I can't see straight! And don't tell me I need a day off! I just got one! And in the middle, I got called to come back because the person replacing me twisted her ankle! Ain't that a joke! I have a bad elbow for months, not my left, which I could rest for a bit, but my right elbow.....and it hurts all the time. So I take aspirin, and that helps, but then the aspirin hurts my stomach! I can't win! It's like I'm on a wheel of misfortune! Pick a number from one to a million! And then spin! Not the wheel- you!
(She spins and almost falls - one of the others comes and holds her as she sobs)
Don't help me - I don't wanna get used to being helped! Because then you miss the help, and it's worse!
(Pushes the person away, but not meanly)
Do you know what I tell people when I meet them and they ask me what I do - I say, 'I do nothing - I have no family, no parents, no siblings, no husband, no children. I pretend I am all alone, and people are surprised when I say that I am happy. They look surprised. But everyone here knows what I'm talking about! Like that actress from a million years ago.....(imitates) I vant to beee alone!
(She puts her hands over her face)
And then there are the people- (angry) some of them helpful family members...... who say....(imitates)All you need is a day off........Ha!HA...HA...HA! One day off! I deserve not one day off, not one week off, but a whole month! Or even more! Enough time to just sleep until I don't need any more sleep! To lie in the sun or read a book until it's finished, not just an article in the paper.......To eat a meal that's still warm.....to watch a movie all the way through.....for days and days on end!
That's what I need!
(Quieter) And then they say to me....(imitates) 'what you need to do is help yourself first.'
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Go to the gym? Whooped te do! Be inside with a bunch of other sweaty people? That's gonna help me? Take a walk....I take walks! I just don't ever wanna come back!
And if I do get the time off....I come back and there's even more work......(imitates) oh, I didn't feed her because she said she wasn't hungry' so you get to make dinner.......or my personal favorite....the person didn't want to change the potty chair...or a diaper.....(imitates) '..because it just happened....' and they figured I knew what to do better than they did, that I would want to see.......
(She points around the room, others are nodding)
You know exactly what I mean....you people here are the only reason I just don't walk in front of a bus....except I'm worried I wouldn't die and I'd just be a vegetable and some other poor slob would have to take care of me!
(Listens, nods sadly)
Why keep doing it? Why not leave? (Hard to say) Because I know that no matter how rough it is for me, the person I take care of.......(sighs)...it's worse for them.
(Lights down. End of scene)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-ResidenceSwedenborg Hall 2006-8