Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
For a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 730!
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Algebra Solvation
first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015
second year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2016
********* third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today!
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
second year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2016
********* third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today!
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
For a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 730!
Get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #759 Algebra Solvation (for Senior Channel) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 12, 2016
(for Senior Channel)
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
© 2016 all rights reserved
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
© 2016 all rights reserved
(An older woman enters, carrying a bag, she is VERY determined, looking around)
Now where's that blackboard they promised me! They said I could have a blackboard!
They probably have that newfangled board with the marking pens, oh, how I hate that smell - at least the old chalkboards had dust you could see was killing you! This new stuff just poisons you slowly...
(She listens, nods to the side)
Oh, there it is....I need it to do.......for those who know me, please do not laugh too loudly.....I need it to do...MATH!
(She goes to the board, puts down her bag and gets a marker)
I am here today on the Senior Channel to advocate for a change to the educational system in this country....no, on this planet!
(She draws a giant X on the board)
See that? That's an X......when I was in math classes, which I hated.....I had to listen to them go on and on and on about X.....and when they decided I wasn't confused enough, since X was definitely not a number, but a letter.....they added Y....
(She draws a giant Y next to the X)
After that, they took the whole damned alphabet....including from the Romans!.....and we were supposed to figure out how to SOLVE something.
I remember asking not one, but ALL my teachers.......borrowing the letters they used - Y
(She points to the Y on the board)
Get it...WHY do I have to learn all this? What possible value will it have in my life? Now before all the math lovers jump on me, I know how to do arithmetic.....I like money......when you add and subtract and do your bank statement, that has no Xs and Ys.....in 65 years, have not seen one X or Y on a bank statement!
But after I asked the math teachers the question Y.....amazingly enough, they had the same answer......I guess they learned it in teaching school.....the answer...I needed to learn algebra......BECAUSE even if I never needed algebra in my whole life.......it would teach me how to THINK...how to SOLVE PROBLEMS!
Well, I've got a mathematical problem for all of you watching....let's see if anyone can solve it....
Let's say I have a sealed refrigerated food plastic container - dimensions are....
(She removes the item from her bag....measures it with a ruler)
Exactly....11 and one half inches by 8 inches....exactly.....
(She draws a diagram of the size on the board)
And --to get into the food you desire....which is delicious and inside the plastic.......if you have to remove the upper specially designed strip of the plastic bag which is exactly one half inch by 11 and 1/2 inches......
(She marks this on the diagram and pulls the strip off and puts it neatly into the bag she brought)
Here is the question .......HOW DO YOU OPEN UP THE DAMNED BAG AND GET THE FOOD?
(She tries to open the package, to pull the plastic sides apart....it's impossible. She goes into a frenzy trying to do this)
What did they teach me in algebra that could possibly get me to figure this out! What X and Y and ....what the hell did THEY think they were teaching in those stupid classes!)
(She finally takes out a scissors and cuts the top off the bag)
My mother taught me that....
(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)
And for part B...the practical part.....after you cut your hand on the sharp plastic, how much money do you get when you sue the company? To the nearest dollar!
(She smiles and exits to a world with no algebra)
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Now where's that blackboard they promised me! They said I could have a blackboard!
They probably have that newfangled board with the marking pens, oh, how I hate that smell - at least the old chalkboards had dust you could see was killing you! This new stuff just poisons you slowly...
(She listens, nods to the side)
Oh, there it is....I need it to do.......for those who know me, please do not laugh too loudly.....I need it to do...MATH!
(She goes to the board, puts down her bag and gets a marker)
I am here today on the Senior Channel to advocate for a change to the educational system in this country....no, on this planet!
(She draws a giant X on the board)
See that? That's an X......when I was in math classes, which I hated.....I had to listen to them go on and on and on about X.....and when they decided I wasn't confused enough, since X was definitely not a number, but a letter.....they added Y....
(She draws a giant Y next to the X)
After that, they took the whole damned alphabet....including from the Romans!.....and we were supposed to figure out how to SOLVE something.
I remember asking not one, but ALL my teachers.......borrowing the letters they used - Y
(She points to the Y on the board)
Get it...WHY do I have to learn all this? What possible value will it have in my life? Now before all the math lovers jump on me, I know how to do arithmetic.....I like money......when you add and subtract and do your bank statement, that has no Xs and Ys.....in 65 years, have not seen one X or Y on a bank statement!
But after I asked the math teachers the question Y.....amazingly enough, they had the same answer......I guess they learned it in teaching school.....the answer...I needed to learn algebra......BECAUSE even if I never needed algebra in my whole life.......it would teach me how to THINK...how to SOLVE PROBLEMS!
Well, I've got a mathematical problem for all of you watching....let's see if anyone can solve it....
Let's say I have a sealed refrigerated food plastic container - dimensions are....
(She removes the item from her bag....measures it with a ruler)
Exactly....11 and one half inches by 8 inches....exactly.....
(She draws a diagram of the size on the board)
And --to get into the food you desire....which is delicious and inside the plastic.......if you have to remove the upper specially designed strip of the plastic bag which is exactly one half inch by 11 and 1/2 inches......
(She marks this on the diagram and pulls the strip off and puts it neatly into the bag she brought)
Here is the question .......HOW DO YOU OPEN UP THE DAMNED BAG AND GET THE FOOD?
(She tries to open the package, to pull the plastic sides apart....it's impossible. She goes into a frenzy trying to do this)
What did they teach me in algebra that could possibly get me to figure this out! What X and Y and ....what the hell did THEY think they were teaching in those stupid classes!)
(She finally takes out a scissors and cuts the top off the bag)
My mother taught me that....
(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)
And for part B...the practical part.....after you cut your hand on the sharp plastic, how much money do you get when you sue the company? To the nearest dollar!
(She smiles and exits to a world with no algebra)
------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
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