Monday, September 21, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #586 No Coupon! by Janet S. Tiger Sept. 21, 2015

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                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
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Monologue Mania Day #586 No Coupon! by Janet S. Tiger  Sept. 21, 2015

                                        No Coupon!
                                   (for the Senior Channel)
                               A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   
                                     © all rights reserved

         (The small Asian woman who comes onstage is very excited, almost vibrating.  She comes to the edge of the stage and peers out at the audience)

Hello!  Hello! 

They tell me to say hello to everyone watching on Senior Channel!  Am very happy to be here!

         (Hears something from the side, listens)

Okay, I tell story now.

         (Faces audience again, smiles)

I work at store as cashier now over five years.  Good cashier.  Work hard.  Very hard.  Many hours on feet.  Work at 99 cent store, always busy.  Never enough cashier.  Sometimes no break for HOURS! 

But get lots of days to work, so I can help family back in Cambodia.  My mother still in Cambodia.  She tell me, always tell truth, but when she ask, how long before we can come to America, I tell her always....soon.  Because that is the truth in my heart.......I tell her I work hard to save money....she ask if I like where I work.....I tell her the truth.....I am glad to have job.

          (Listens, nods)

Okay, getting to rest of story.  99 cent store not like other store, people know.   But some people not very smart, they forget 99 cent not like Von's

So one day, lady come through my checkstand.  Older lady like me.  You think older lady mean she get smarter, but that not always true.

She put all items on stand, and I go through them, fast, like always.  Time to pay, lady, cash or card?  And she poking in purse, so I pack her bunch of things up in bags.

She still looking, then she get big smile on face, like she won lottery.  (Imitates woman)  Oh, I found it!  (As herself, sneering)  Like she found diamond or something!  But no, she wave paper at me.  Not money, paper.

(Imitates)  I have a coupon!

(As herself)  No coupons.  I tell her.  99 cent store no take coupons.

(Imitates woman)  But it's for the V-8!

(As herself)  No coupon.  Not for V-8 or anything.

Big line now behind woman.  Always big lines, but sometimes bigger.  And this woman she not care at all.  I don't like that!  I like my line to go fast.  I take pride in good work, fast check. Have many friends who come through my line because they know I do good job!

But lady don't care!  She wave coupon in front of me like I am animal!  She asks to see manager.  I no want manager!  Look bad!    But she getting loud, manager come over.  He young. Name Bobby. Not like when line slow down.

'What problem?' He ask.......I tell him and he say...'no coupon'  and now lady getting mad.  She want us to take coupon! 

Manager Bobby point to sign on register.  Sign say..'no check'  'no cash back'..'no coupon'   Lotsa no, but lady, she wanna hear 'yes'

Manager start looking at me and I get scared.  Need job, don't want to look for new job because stupid lady stupid! 

And I am tired.  Long day!  Lotsa people, bags breaking, babies crying!  One minute, I am calm, next minute..... something happen to me!  I start yelling at stupid lady, I yell - NO COUPON!  Can't you hear lady?  NO COUPON!  It 99 cent store!  We never take coupon!  Go to Von's and pay five dollah for V-8 bottle and they will take your stupid coupon for 35 cents!  But if you want to shop here....

      (She indicates the audience join her)


      (She calms down a bit and takes a breath)

Even though all customers join in.....manager fire me! 

Fire me for yelling at stupid customer!  I tell him - I need job, but I don't care anymore!  You stupid like her, you take her coupon!

      (She wipes her hands together forcefully)

I leave checkstand and go to get things!  And the people they start to cheer me!  One man say, look....and he show me his phone.  He record me.....and all over world....people like me!  They say I am right!  After all these years listening to stupid people and saying  (fake sweet)  ok, m'am, ok sir, no problem if you stupid like cow, I be nice......when I tell truth, people like me!

And they call me...'no coupon lady' - and owner of 99 cent store see me on youtube..he hire me back! turn out lotta people hate waiting behind people with coupon!...- they do big ad campaign!  All because I tell truth....

      (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Do you remember what truth is?  Do we take coupon...NO.....NO COUPON!

       (She exits waving at crowd.  The end.....for coupons at 99)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8